Kris Jenner Probably Shouldn’t Photoshop Other Celebrities

October 22nd, 2014 // 24 Comments
Kris Jenner Gordon Ramsay

It’s no secret that the Kardashians Photoshop their Instagram pics to fuck and back. But since they always deny it, it’s fun to see them blatantly get caught doing it. Which is exactly what happened to Kris Jenner after she posted a shopped photo with Gordon Ramsay without realizing that he already shared his own six days earlier. Or she just didn’t care because it’s not like Kardashian fans are the sharpest cakes in the urinal. You can literally tell them anything:

“Kim spends so much time with North. They’re practically inseparable.”
“I JUST WANNA WATCH THE THINGS HAPPEN ON THE TV.”

Kris Jenner Caught Photoshopping Gordon Ramsey Pic After The Jump

Teresa Giudice Fired By Crisis Manager For Trying To Book Her Own Jail

October 22nd, 2014 // 26 Comments
Teresa Giudice
Mother of The Year
Teresa Giudice
'Let's Tell The Kids We're Going To Jail On TV!' Read More »

To catch everybody up, Teresa Giudice was sentenced to 15 months in prison for fraud. Her husband got 41 months, and the tears of their children will be reality fuel, but that’s not the most ridiculous part. The most ridiculous part is Teresa getting fired by her crisis manager for fucking up the entire sentencing process by going behind her back to try and book herself at the jail from Orange Is The New Black. No really. E! News reports:

“Both for my clients and myself, I work hard to maintain a strong relationship with the Bureau of Prisons. As I’ve tried to instruct Teresa, this is a process that must be respected. A designation to a camp is a gift, not a requirement from the BOP and the judge. By making this request, Teresa has jeopardized months of work, months of preparation and in fact may jeopardize where she is ultimately designated or sent to.
“My ultimate responsibility is to all of my clients, not just to Teresa. I’m hopeful that, at some point, a change occurs and rehabilitation begins. My thought and wishes will always be with her children.”

Her children that are goddamn doomed with a terrible fucking mother if these follow-up quotes to Page Six are any indication: More »

Shia LaBeouf’s A Metamodernist Christian Now

October 22nd, 2014 // 16 Comments
Remember That Plagiarism?
Shia LaBeouf Ponytail Beard Lawless Screening
That Was Ironic Performance Art. Read More »

Posted by Photo Boy

If you’re wondering what the fuck that headline means, let me get the answer right out of the way. Nothing. It means absolutely nothing other than it’s one of the rambling, navel-gazing responses Shia LaBeouf mouth-farted to Interview Magazine during what felt like an endless diatribe on art, life, and how acting is dying in front of an audience? (Sadly, not literally.)

Since the 14th century there’s been this martyrdom in art, Jesus on a cross, the Apostles being boiled in oil. But that also exists in cinema—martyrdom. Theater is about dying, about doing it so that other people don’t have to. I’m showing up with a set of problems, and I hope that they die when I’m done.

So okay, I understand how looking at a painting of Jesus on a cross reminds you how you’ll never get to bang Megan Fox again, because looking at anything should be reminding you of that, but what exactly does Christianity have to do with being an uncontrollable, drunk rage monster? More »

Good Morning, Maitland Ward, And Other News

October 22nd, 2014 // 62 Comments

- Selena Gomez might be banging Orlando Bloom again. [Lainey Gossip]

- Ryan Phillippe: “I’ve only made five good movies.” [Dlisted]

- Presenting The Internet’s Booty Hall of Fame [theCHIVE]

- Dean McDermott used to jerk off to Tori Spelling when she was on 90210. [Fishwrapper]

- Adobe sides with #GamerGate because the poor wiener children are being “bullied.” [The Frisky]

- Oscar Pistorius will basically spend 10 months in prison. If that. [WWTDD]

- Your Hypnotic Ass GIF of The Day [Girls In Cute Underwear]

- Buzzfeed is the most distrusted media outlet. [Death and Taxes]

- Keeley Hazell is still hot. [Popoholic]

- Renee Zellweger responds to Internet: “I’m healthy.” [tooFab]

- Cora Skinner in lingerie. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Cailin Russo is topless again. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: INFphoto, Splash News

Tori Spelling ‘Quarantined Like An Ebola Patient’

October 21st, 2014 // 20 Comments

She’s probably pregnant again, so why buy new pics? JOURNALISM!

Tori Spelling lives thousands of miles away from anyone with the Ebola virus, and I’m pretty confident she’s not walking around letting random strangers shit and bleed in her hands. On top of that, she has a gaping hole in her chest that wards off evil which is the only possible explanation I could come up with for its presence. So why the hell she was quarantined for Ebola is anybody’s guess. TMZ reports:

Tori Spelling had several of the symptoms, and got treated like an Ebola patient this weekend when she was hospitalized with a bunch of illnesses … TMZ has learned.
Sources tell us Tori was running a fever, coughing uncontrollably, and having trouble breathing … when she was taken to Cedars Sinai Hospital. We’re told Tori was quarantined from other patients, and medical staff took precautions while treating her.

In related news, Tori has another season of her reality show coming up, and apparently, “Hey, I let my fake-cheating husband knock me up again,” wasn’t testing as high as, “What if she bled to death from the nose and mouth?” Which is honestly a decent hook. Do they need funding?

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Photo: Fame, INFdaily, Splash News

Did Tyga Put A Baby In Kylie Jenner?

October 21st, 2014 // 28 Comments
Nothing Alarming Here
Kylie Jenner Tyga
Just A Teenager Dating A 25-Year-Old Rapper Read More »

As more and more evidence points to Tyga dating Kylie Jenner, his Instagram followers have decided to call him a pedophile for dating a 17-year old, but apparently they just a jealous ass ho who wish he’d put a baby in them. Like he did with Kylie? Wait. Via Fishwrapper:

“why u sound so hateful. U don’t know s–t bout my life but the fake s–t u read online. Worry about your sad boring life. U wish u can have a baby by a n—- like me and live this lifestyle. let me guess no one wants u or ever attempted to spoil u and give u the world like I do for mines. Your ugly not just physically but in your soul. Never speak on on my son.”

Supposedly, he’s talking about the son he was with Blac Chyna, but these are the Kardashians we’re talking about, so it’s not like they wouldn’t jump at the chance to birth some more rappers’ babies. Or “retirement funds” as Kris calls them. “Don’t forget to put a 401k in your ham wallet!” she probably says before sending Kylie off to school. (I’m kidding, that’s the maid’s job.)

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Photo: Instagram

Matthew McConaughey Said Some Stupid Shit About The Redskins

October 21st, 2014 // 65 Comments
Matthew McConaughey Magic Mike

Matthew McConaughey is the cover interview for the new issue of GQ which is an incredible read for anyone who’s currently obsessed with the McConaissance to a fault like I am. (And, yes, he’s aware of the term: “It’s a cool word. It sounds good. It’s got a good meter.”) Except you’ve probably heard by now that Matthew McConaughey is a Washington Redskins fan from Texas because of hamburgers (“First: 4 years old, watching Westerns, I always rooted for the Indians. Second, my favorite food was hamburgers. The Redskins had a linebacker named Chris Hanburger.”) and waded into the controversy over the team’s name with not exactly the best defense of it. So let’s get that out of the way for what’s probably the first time I’ve basically said, “You know what? Fuck politics. I want to hear about this dude’s diary.” More »

Hannibal Buress: Google ‘Bill Cosby Rape’

October 21st, 2014 // 47 Comments
Bill Cosby
Don't Eat The Pudding Pops!
Bill Cosby Cosby Show
The Pudding Pops Are Drugged! Read More »

Earlier in the year, Tom Scocca wrote an awesome piece for Gawker reminding everyone that Bill Cosby has a history of serious rape allegations that’s been neatly swept under the rug despite being a matter of public record. A week later, one of Cosby’s accusers did an interview with Newsweek along with dropping the bombshell that were at least 12 other alleged victims involved in the 2005 lawsuit. And yet the only traction any of this gained was a brief flare-up in the press because it happened right in the middle of Woody Allen and Dylan Farrow‘s open letters in the New York Times. Except one person who did take notice is comedian Hannibal Buress who decided to use this information to a take a shit in Bill Cosby’s own backyard during a standup show in Philadelphia. Via PhillyMag.com:

“It’s even worse because Bill Cosby has the fuckin’ smuggest old black man persona that I hate,” Buress said. “He gets on TV, ‘Pull your pants up black people, I was on TV in the 80s! I can talk down to you because I had a successful sitcom!’ Yeah, but you rape women, Bill Cosby, so turn the crazy down a couple notches.”
“I guess I want to just at least make it weird for you to watch Cosby Show reruns,” Buress says later. “I’ve done this bit on stage and people think I’m making it up…. when you leave here, google ‘Bill Cosby rape.’ That shit has more results than ‘Hannibal Buress.’”

The good new is as of noon EST, Hannibal Buress is one the top three trending topics on Facebook. Which would be encouraging if the other two weren’t a Banksy hoax and a real, working hoverboard that’s already in the top spot because I mentioned it was Facebook, right? Fortunately, I have a solution: More »