When you’re a hard-working actress fresh off of an award for Biggest Comeback, it’s important to take a moment and relax on the yacht you’ve been blowing a man to be on for the past week. Also, pop a lot of zits. That’s really the key to this whole sexy stew. I’m talking way more important than not looking like a barnacle with tits. You just let the coke bloat handle that.
While the passengers of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17 and their loved ones suffered a horrific tragedy last week that shook the international community, no one’s talking about the real victim in all of this: Steven Seagal. Once an aspiring blues musician about to make it big on the Estonian festival circuit, he’s now watching his musical dreams disintegrate like so many commercial airlines shot by missiles his bestest buddy in the world gave to a bunch of separatists. The Guardian reports:
The announcement of Seagal’s headlining slot at Augustibluus, a blues festival held the beginning of August in the western town of Haapsalu for over 20 years, was met with a swift outcry, with Estonian rock singer Tõnis Mägi calling for a boycott. Estonia’s foreign minister, Urmas Paet, told the Tallinn daily Delfi: “Steven Seagal has become active in politics in the last few months in a manner not befitting a world which honours states based on the rule of law.”
This was too much for the organisers of Augustibluus, who – after the downing of Malaysian Airlines flight mH17– announced Seagal would be dropped from their lineup.
“We hoped the Estonian public would first and foremost see Steven Seagal as an actor and a musician. It turns out what they saw was rather a politician and a henchman,” festival director Indrek Ditman said in a press release. “To many in Estonia, it came as a major surprise that the action movie hero is a blues musician. Likewise, the organisers and numerous others were unpleasantly surprised by his political views and public statements.”
On a more positive note, Steven Seagal has been invited to the Arizona Border Blues Bonanza provided he brings back one of them “Russia missiles” and teaches everyone how to aim it at Mexico. He said that’s a pretty tall order before smiling and pulling one out from behind Arizona’s ear. “Why do you think I was even over there? Besides power. Unstoppable power.”
Because it’s been a depressing morning, here are Anastasia Ashley and Logan Fazio “The Pin-Up Paparazzo” having a butt-off in Miami over the weekend. And if that doesn’t brighten your mood, congratulations, you’re already dead and being cremated in the Middle East. I don’t even know how you’re reading this. Do ghosts have Obamaphones? Is that’s what happening here? Get a ghost-job!
Photos: FAMA/AKM-GSI, FameFlynet, INFphoto
So remember the other day when we all found out Casey Kasem‘s body was still sitting in a funeral home after he’s been dead for over a month? It’s missing now. And by missing I mean stolen by his widow and smuggled into Canada because his kids requested an autopsy, so you know, nothing suspicious here. NY Daily News reports:
In an exclusive interview with the Daily News, Kerri said the temporary restraining order that a Washington state judge granted her on Wednesday forbidding movement or burial of the remains was too late.
“My stepmother is doing everything to keep my father’s burial a secret so that none of his loved ones can visit,” Kerri told The News Friday.
“She’s just spiteful, malicious and vindictive,” Kerri said.
Widow Jean Kasem was in control of the body after Kasem’s June 15 death ended Kerri’s control over his medical treatment.
Jean later commissioned a private autopsy in Tacoma and made arrangements to send Kasem to the Urgel Bourgie Funeral Home in Montreal, Canada, by July 14, a recent death certificate obtained by The News said.
“My dad has nothing to do with Canada. He lived in Los Angeles for 45 years. It just once again proves that my stepmother is not acting in my father’s best interest or respecting his wishes,” Kerri said Friday.
Casey had specific instructions to be buried in Hollywood Hills, but just like his equally specific instructions to die in peace if he ever became a vegetable, Jean Kasem is ignoring all of that (Haha! Wives.) and shipping his body to Jerusalem where thrown meat is awarded the significance and spiritual authority it deserves. Plus it just seems like a nice place to burn evidence: More »
While Lindsay Lohan continues to be humanity’s cockroach, legendary film and television actor James Garner died Saturday night at his home at the age of 86, and holy shit, did this guy lead a life: From physically battling an abusive stepmother to protect his brothers, to joining the Merchant Marines, fighting in Korea, and then landing a role in The Great Escape before becoming TV’s Maverick and later Jim Rockford. And I’m already leaving out a ton of classic roles because I’m a goddamn whippersnapper who’s now going to list James Garner’s greatest achievement as not giving a single fuck to Ryan Gosling. From Nick Cassevetes‘ interview for the The Notebook‘s tenth anniversary: More »
- So obviously pregnant. Who are you fooling?! [Lainey Gossip]
- The Royal Baby is walking. All shall perish. [Dlisted]
- There Are Sexy Chivers Among Us [theCHIVE]
- Like Kim Kardashian knows her kid’s naptime. Or her name for that matter. [Fishwrapper]
- Science can’t even prove that women talk more than men, so religion it is then. [The Frisky]
- Except Scott Disick survived alcohol poisoning, so back to science. Magic had its chance. [WWTDD]
- Kat Dennings‘ cleavage was kind of out. [Popoholic]
- Adam Levine just committed himself to one supermodel vagina. Until the divorce. [Starpulse]
- Lea Michele really wants you to look at her ass. [tooFab]
- Tim McGraw slapped a woman for trying to grab his dick. [IDLYITW]
- What’s up, Abigail Clancy? [Hollywood Tuna]
- The Sexiest Social Media Pics of the Week [Celebslam]
- The University of Warwick Girls Rowing Team made a naked calendar. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
THE SUPERFICIAL | About • Facebook • Twitter
Photos: FameFlynet, Splash News
Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet coming at you way earlier than usual because you were robbed of a The Crap We Missed and, fuck it, it’s Friday in the middle of July. So here’s your commentical goodness for the week excluding any What the hell’s up with Britney Spears‘ face? gems which I’ve been shoving into that post like so many Furnch Fries. You can practically hear her giggle if her face was capable of moving. Aren’t there laws against Botoxing the retarded? Because there should be laws against Botoxing the retarded. Get me Washington.
Alright, folks, Photo Boy’s off today, so The Crap We Missed will return Monday. So to make up for that, here are Devin Brugman‘s crazy awesome breasts and ass in a bikini which if I’m being honest, should make up for everything that’s gone wrong in your life. Divorce, unemployment, erectile dysfunction, the cure for AIDS being shot out of the sky, I could list things all day. The point is that was then, Devin is now. Live in the now.
Photos: FameFlynet, Splash News