Good Morning, Michelle Lewin, And Other News

October 3rd, 2014 // 19 Comments

- Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber are definitely broken up again. [Lainey Gossip]

- Raven-Symoné is throwing shade at Lindsay Lohan. [Dlisted]

- These Girls Are Dropping A Cute Atom Bomb On My Heart [theCHIVE]

- Kendall Jenner is “obsessed” with Chris Brown. [Fishwrapper]

- Dianna Agron is topless. [The Frisky]

- Diane Kruger‘s camel toe, anyone? [WWTDD]

- Reminder: Everything with a penis is awful. It’s how I’m in business! [Death and Taxes]

- Goddamn, Edita Vilkeviciute in lingerie. [Popoholic]

- Notice how the phone is conveniently blocking JWoww‘s face. [tooFab]

- Holy fucking shit, Alyssa Barbara. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Joanna Krupa may have leaked her own photos. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Splash News

That’s Reese Witherspoon’s Butt In Yoga Pants

October 2nd, 2014 // 8 Comments

We’ve been talking about butts a lot lately including a look at their historical and artistic significance because this is an academic blog first, and a tits and ass bonanza second. So keeping with that tradition, here’s Reese Witherspoon‘s butt in yoga pants. It won an Oscar, so that seemed like good enough reason to post on the Internet even though I would’ve also accepted “has a crack in it” and “is there.”

Photos: FameFlynet

‘Football Is A Flat Circle’

October 2nd, 2014 // 4 Comments
Matthew McConaughey Texas Longhorns
WATCH: Matthew McConaughey's Longhorns Pep Talk

If there are two things in life I never want to see together – even in the middle of a McConnaissance – it’s actors talking about how great they are and football. Except here’s Matthew McConaughey giving a pep talk to the University of Texas Longhorns where he basically tells them that the only reason to do anything is to make yourself feel awesome. “And if everyone is out there doing everything entirely for themselves then a whole team will work better or something. Alright, alright. Now who wants to see me do the chest bump which is literally the only reason I was invited, and you can tell how seriously I took that by letting my kid run around me in circles the whole time. Everybody now, hmm hmm… *bump bump* Hmm hmm…” (I just saved you five minutes.)

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Whatever ‘Party Down South’ Is, They’re In Bikinis

October 2nd, 2014 // 55 Comments

We’ve spent all morning talking about crazy people, and yes, that includes anyone willing to birth Ashton Kutcher‘s baby, so for change of scenery even though I have no clue what Party Down South is, here are some hot, sexy bikini ba- *actually looks at more than just the first pic* – Fucking shit.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet

Amanda Bynes Is Tweeting Again (Probably)

October 2nd, 2014 // 6 Comments
Everything Is Awful Again
Amanda Bynes Wig Dog
But She's Not Crazy, You Guys! Read More »

When all of this Amanda Bynes business started back up again, probably the most prevalent words out of everyone’s mouths were, “Well, at least she’s not tweeting again.” She’s tweeting again. Styleite via Jezebel:

“Ashley Banks” or @persianla27 has been rumored for a while to be a poorly disguised alias, and has been relentlessly tweeting increasingly disturbing shit in the months preceding Bynes’ arrest (along with #TBT pics of the star from her 2013 glory days.) There’s also a Tumblr linked under the same name, and a weird Instagram and Facebook page.

Here are just a few of the most recent tweets from @PersianLa27 which, in fairness, could just as easily be written by me or anyone even remotely familiar with Amanda Bynes: More »

Wait. Back It Up. Charlie Sheen Goes To The Dentist?

October 2nd, 2014 // 17 Comments
'Wanna See My Tattoos?'
Charlie Sheen Drunk Taco Bell
A Free Charlie Sheen With Every Chalupa Read More »

When we last left Charlie Sheen he was drunkenly approaching random strangers in a Taco Bell drive-thru and showing them his tattoos, and now comes word that he allegedly pulled a knife on his dentist after taking nitrous oxide while high on cocaine. And, yes, I know that the real news is that Charlie Sheen actually goes to a dentist. I said it right in the fucking headline. TMZ reports:

Law enforcement sources tell us … Charlie was at an L.A. dental office last Thursday for an abscess. He sat in the chair as the dental technician placed a mask over his face to administer nitrous oxide, when she says Charlie went insane … flailing his arms and striking her.
The technician told cops she walked out of the room as Charlie’s security guard entered. Charlie’s personal dentist was there along with the oral surgeon. There was a lot of commotion and the technician says when Charlie’s dentist finally came out he told her Charlie pulled a knife and went after him. The dentist wasn’t hurt.
The technician also told cops the bodyguard told the dentist Charlie was high on rock cocaine.

As for why the bodyguard would even need to tell the dentist Charlie is coked out of his mind, it’s written right here in his chart in permanent marker, I’m going to assume this happened:

“Shit, how did I end up at the dentist? I need to take these fuckers out before they come at me with a drill. Quick, think of a cover story.”
“You’re high on coke?”
“I like it. *pulls knife* STAY OUT OF MY MOUTH, YOU PUTRID PILE OF COLGATE SLUDGE! I’M A TRUTH BOMB! BLAH! RAWR! CRAZY WORDS! RANDOM ANIMAL BLOOD!”

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Photos: Getty, Splash News, WENN

Mila Kunis Is The Mother of Ashton Kutcher’s Baby

October 2nd, 2014 // 6 Comments

Over the weekend, George Clooney got married, and now People reports Mila Kunis gave birth to a baby girl whose father is Ashton Kutcher, so good game, everybody. We had a good run. If you’ll quietly remain seated, a demon should be around shortly to bathe this world in ash and hellfire.

UPDATE: Never mind. It’s only taking selfies with Selena Gomez. False alarm!

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Photos: Getty / Fame/Flynet

Lisa Opie Is Bendy And Other News

October 2nd, 2014 // 9 Comments

- Ethan Hawke might be Dr. Strange now. [Lainey Gossip]

- Ariana Grande is “honored” to be called a giant pain in the ass. [Dlisted]

- Why Would You Ever Get Out of Bed? [theCHIVE]

- Snooki will describe child birth now. [Fishwrapper]

- AnonIB has a huge fucking date rape problem. [The Frisky]

- I miss Joanna Krupa‘s backyard. [WWTDD]

- Prince just trolled the shit out of Facebook. [Death and Taxes]

- Nina Agdal‘s in a bikini again. [Popoholic]

- The time Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Eric Stonestreet crashed a frat party. [tooFab]

- Not Megan Fox is looking good. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Kelly Brook still has huge, giant breasts. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Splash News