Lindsay Lohan Demanded To Do The Ice Bucket Challenge In The Middle of A Club

August 21st, 2014 // 25 Comments
Still Fucking Up
Lindsay Lohan Tina Fey Instagram
And Screwing Over Tina Fey Read More »

Lindsay Lohan‘s production of Speed-the-Plow opens in a month, so naturally she’s terrorizing clubs in New York by trying to pay with a maxed out credit card and demanding to do the Ice Bucket Challenge in the middle of the floor. Page Six reports:

She appeared at Up & Down on Monday, where sources tell us she insisted on doing the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge in the middle of the venue, using two Champagne buckets.
While the former OWN star did drench herself with ice water, unfortunately nobody appears to have been focused enough to catch it on video for the ensuing social media blitz.

Of course, one might argue that Lindsay was simply rehearsing for her appearance on The Tonight Show, but the only thing Lindsay rehearses is converting international currency into American dollars in case her johns ask for change. When you realize you just gave away a blowjob for $4.12, you bone up on your exchange rates. But I don’t have to tell you people that. I’ve seen what you do at night.

Lindsay Lohan ALS Ice Bucket Challenge After The Jump

Good Goddamn Morning, Tahiti Cora & Anais Zanotti, And Other News

August 21st, 2014 // 19 Comments

- Anna Wintour did the Ice Bucket Challenge? Okay… [Lainey Gossip]

- Jesus Christ, Anna Nicole Smith‘s estate has still been gold-digging all this time? [Dlisted]

- Why Would You Ever Get Out of Bed? [theCHIVE]

- Brandi Glanville is shutting LeAnn Rimes‘ shit down. [Fishwrapper]

- Isn’t being homeless already a Hunger Games theme park? [The Frisky]

- JWoww doesn’t want to have sex anymore. That shouldn’t be a problem. [WWTDD]

- Minka Kelly is still hot. Also nipply. [Popoholic]

- Robin Williams has been cremated in case you need every goddamn detail of his death. [Starpulse]

- Jimmy Fallon trimmed Jared Leto‘s beard, but what about the top of his penis helmet? [tooFab]

- Chrissy Teigen and Rita Ora make a nice pair. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Goddamn, Lana Zakocela… [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Pacific Coast News

A Special Thanks From The Desk of The Superficial

August 20th, 2014 // 137 Comments
My Desk

Seven years ago today, Karl Wang plucked me out of nowhere and published my first post on The Superficial which you can see here. It reads like shit, and I’ve only marginally improved as a writer, but I won’t bore you to tears with how I obtained the power of The Glow despite my pale, almost bone-white skin and earned the mantle of “Fish” only a few weeks later. That’s a tale for others to etch into a mountain, and mostly I forget a lot of it. In fact, if you put a gun to my head, I’ll swear we all experienced a collective “flash-forward,” and the year 2009 never even happened in the traditional sense of how we perceive time, but enough about my prescient insights that will guide future generations. More »

Rihanna’s Touching Her Vagina Because ‘School Kills.’ Sure, Why Not?

August 20th, 2014 // 9 Comments

Whenever I stick my hands down my pants and complain about the education system, people are always like, “Sir, this is a Starbucks,” or, “I don’t know how he keeps getting out of the car, we have child locks,” but apparently when Rihanna does it, it’s sexy cool or some shit. So here she is touching her vagina along with the caption “school. kills” because, I dunno, Sandy Hook maybe? Does masturbating stop school shootings? We should probably see where she’s going with this. *grabs popcorn*

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Farrah Abraham’s ‘Research’ Magically Turned Into A $544,000 Stripping Job

August 20th, 2014 // 41 Comments
Oh, It's For Research
Farrah Abraham Tight Dress Mystery Man Craigs Restaurant
Well, That Changes Everything Read More »

Last week, we learned that Farrah Abraham took a cocktail waitress job at a strip club where she ended up stripping herself but, like, totally for research, you guys. Except apparently that research involves signing a half-a-million contract to keep stripping which I’m pretty sure is how Jennifer Aniston does it. She dips her permanently hard nipples in the ink and everything. Radar reports:

“It benefits everybody,” BeBe Montgomery, Manager of Palazio, told Radar. “It’s really fun.”
“I hired Farrah as a waitress about a month ago and then we talked about it,” Montgomery added. “She decided to switch to dancing. And then we talked again and came to an agreement for six figures. We’re really happy and excited.”

And what’s even more exciting are the prices. You can’t beat these bargains: More »

Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon’s Divorce Should Be Here Any Minute Now

August 20th, 2014 // 11 Comments
Nice Try, Mariah
Mariah Carey 1997 Oprah Photo
But We All Have The Internet Read More »

Mariah Carey used to tweet lingerie photos to make people believe Nick Cannon gets to have sex with her which he absolutely does not. But those times are over now for even the freshest rose of love eventually wilts and hires spies to make sure nobody’s fucking you. Page Six reports:

When the comic hosted pool parties in Las Vegas earlier this year, the diva dispatched a security guard to keep watch over her husband.
“The security guard wasn’t there to keep the girls away from him,” said our source. “It was to keep him away from the girls.”
Carey also didn’t want Cannon drinking while at the Vegas gigs because she felt he “gets in trouble when he drinks,” the source added.

In fact, just to be safe, Mariah Carey hire two more security guards to make sure Nick Cannon doesn’t do anything that might illicit feelings of joy, happiness, and/or brief entertainment. Although, executing his Playstation gangland-style may have been a tad overkill. These videos games today are just too much fun. They practically forced her hand.

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What Did Lindsay Lohan F*ck Up Now?

August 20th, 2014 // 14 Comments
Oh Yeah, This'll Happen
Lindsay Lohan Bikini
Lindsay Lohan Wants J.K. Rowling To Write Her Memoirs Read More »

Involving Lindsay Lohan in any professional project is, without fail, the fucking stupidest idea any person could ever have, so here she is posing for a selfie with Tina Fey that was splashed all over the Internet yesterday after Lindsay posted it to Instagram. Which, surprise, she wasn’t supposed to do because it’s already been deleted. Vanity Fair reports:

If it hadn’t been for Fey, Lohan might never have ascended to the high highs (and subsequent low lows) that she did; if not for Lohan, Mean Girls could perhaps have been just another well-received-and then-quickly-forgotten teen comedy. There are stories and feuds and tears and laughs all embedded in this selfie.
But, distressingly and confusingly, the selfie has now been deleted without explanation. Did Fey’s team decide they would rather not have her featured on Lindsay Lohan’s Instagram account? Did Lohan accidentally delete the picture?

The photo was apparently taken during a Mean Girls reunion for Entertainment Weekly, so either Lindsay fucked up and screwed EW. Or she fucked up and screwed Tina Fey. Either way, someone learned a valuable lesson in always paying her ransom. Meanwhile, in other areas of her life she’s completely fucking up, Lindsay’s still trying to get her memoirs published, only this time she’s threatened to write them herself and make it a trilogy “like Harry Potter.” As for a working title, allow me to suggest “Are You There, God? I’ll Suck Your Dick For A Dollar.”

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Nicki Minaj’s Butt Made You A Video

August 20th, 2014 // 44 Comments

If yesterday was Breast Day, then today is Nicki Minaj‘s Ass Day because here’s four minutes and 49 seconds of it shaking and rubbing all over shit. (I’d say “twerking,” but that’s Miley Cyrus’ word she stole from black people.) I also had Photo Boy make screencaps for those of you who just want to look at butts on top of butts without hearing Sir Mix-A-Lot being beaten into the ground by said butts. He probably never wants to look at another one again except, whoa, hold up, girl, he didn’t say nothing about dem titties.

Nicki Minaj ‘Anaconda’ After The Jump