At Least Jenny McCarthy’s Breasts Aren’t Horribly Damaging Kids- Wait

October 30th, 2014 // 8 Comments

Usually this is the part where I post T&A pics to rinse everybody’s brains from the child-destroying garbage that came before it. It’s a small service I provide for the community, but I don’t like to brag about it. Except I kind of fucked up and forgot to leave out the part where kids get absolutely screwed. There were boobs, and the butter woman was all, “Ah, chicaboog noon-eeg, Solo. You weren’t molested. Ho ho ho ho.” Things got a little hectic.

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Photos: Getty, MPNC/AKM-GSI

Mama June: ‘The Truth Will Come Out On My Side’

October 30th, 2014 // 32 Comments
Mama June Shannon

Mama June Shannon gave an exclusive interview to E! News yesterday to let everyone know that the protection of her kids is her “number one priority” which she’ll now demonstrate by giving indirect answers about whether she’s dating a child molester who raped one daughter in front of another one. She honestly should’ve been a lawyer that’s how convincing she is. Via Gawker: More »

Rihanna’s Breasts Fought AIDS, Too

October 30th, 2014 // 10 Comments

Here’s Rihanna at yesterday’s amfAR Inspiration Gala where she spent the whole night saying things like, “Damn! Miley Cyrus and that mouse with an Australian accent just shot a guy with a plunger!” And, “Oh snap, that fly’s wearing a red shirt!” It really was an incredible evening. You should’ve been there.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty

Miley Cyrus Wore This To Fight AIDS

October 30th, 2014 // 34 Comments

Because every post about misogynistic reactions to the academic discussion of sexist tropes should be followed by pics of Miley Cyrus‘ cleavage, here she is at last night’s amfAR Inspiration Gala where she helped Dale and the other Rescue Rangers stop Fat Cat with a plane made out of a bleach bottle. People could hardly believe it.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto

Stephen Colbert Takes On #GamerGate

October 30th, 2014 // 68 Comments
Stephen Colbert GamerGate
Previously In Awful
Chrissy Teigen Breasts ESPYs
Pussies Ran Chrissy Teigen Off Twitter With Death Threats Read More »

As some of you might’ve noticed, the Edit feature is no longer available in the comments which is all thanks to #GamerGaters and their inability to gracefully lose an argument without exploiting flaws to change other users’ comments. So to celebrate that momentous turn of events, here’s Stephen Colbert joining the month-long debunking of the wiener children’s temper tantrum over “ethics in video game journalism.” And if you’re wondering what the hell that even means, it’s a cry to go back to when gaming sites were basically the PR arm of game studios who blew their audience instead of telling them to grow the fuck up when they turn into violent shitheads. On top of that, Team Journalism here thinks the real corruption is coming from small, independent game developers with virtually zero resources, and not, oh I dunno, the publishers of AAA titles with vast marketing budgets who trot out the same shit over and over again. You guys really Edward R. Murrow‘d the fuck out of that one. Well played.

Stephen Colbert On GamerGate After The Jump

Good Morning, Cassie Cardelle, And Other News

October 30th, 2014 // 4 Comments

- How long was Katie Holmes in that reeducation trailer? It’s time to start asking. [Lainey Gossip]

- Amanda Bynes parents got another conservatorship. Try not to fuck it up this time. [Dlisted]

- Redheads Are Really Bringing The Love This Week [theCHIVE]

- Brandi Glanville bashes everyone on Real Housewives. [tooFAB]

- Lactating breasts are weapons now. This is how the Germans will defeat us. [The Frisky]

- Goddamn, Xenia Deli… [WWTDD]

- Duck Dynasty: “People didn’t agree with us! It’s Nazi Germany again!” [Death and Taxes]

- Nina Agdal in a bikini. [Popoholic]

- Dean McDermott is still a shitbag. [Fishwrapper]

- Alyssa Barbara is the hottest Canadian. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Sara Malakul does Thai Playboy. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Fame/Flynet

No Shit Gwyneth Paltrow Broke Up Chris Martin & Jennifer Lawrence

October 29th, 2014 // 24 Comments
R.I.P. Martin Lawrence
Jennifer Lawrence Buttcheeks Legs See Through Dress The Hunger Games Catching Fire LA Premiere
Goddamn, That Was A Great Name Read More »

The very second Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin broke up, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out it probably had to do with the woman he’s technically still married to who also has a giant ego that’s about to get her face baked into a quiche. So let’s get this other with. Via Radar:

Gwyneth always pressured Chris to spend more time with Apple and Moses,” the source revealed. “The kids would constantly call Chris when he was with Jennifer, and whatever they were doing would have to come to a standstill. There was always the expectation from Gwyneth that Chris should spend even more time with the kids.”

Having the kids call while they’re trying to fuck? Quintessential GOOP. And just in case you think this is all bullshit, here’s fucking PEOPLE magazine entering the fray which is a pretty good sign that Jennifer Lawrence’s publicist has orders to kill:

Another insider confirms that it was Lawrence who ended the relationship – for a couple of reasons.
“She broke it off with Chris,” the insider says. “She was tired of the spotlight on their relationship and she also thought that Chris and Gwyneth were a little too close for comfort. It was an odd situation for her.”

When reached for comment, Chris Martin responded, “The children! Oh my, the children. I love the children so much. (She sewed a bomb into my head.) They’re such beautiful British children who I would never, ever give fast food to. (If you fashion a crude lead helmet, she can’t detonate it.) I just want to be with them all the time and never nubile, young actresses with their pornographic tendencies. What a silly sort. (Quickly, man!)”

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Photos: Getty

And Now Wacky Hijinks With The Avengers

October 29th, 2014 // 11 Comments
Avengers Age of Ultron Thor's Hammer
WATCH: 'Avengers: Age of Ultron' Special Look
Black Panther, Bitches
Chadwick Boseman Black Panther
And Captain Marvel. BAM! SUCK IT, DC. Read More »

For a change of scenery after two posts about how fucked we are as a society, here’s the extra footage from The Avengers: Age of Ultron that Marvel scrambled together for last night’s Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. after the full trailer leaked last week leaving with them nothing to trick people into watching the show with. Except you’ll notice it’s literally just an extra scene tacked onto the front of the trailer you already saw, but it does have the hilarious subtext of how hard it would be to jerk Thor off. Unless you’re Captain America who apparently stands the greatest chance which, let me tell you, does not go unnoticed by Thor. He’s all like, “Whaaaa? Maintain, maintain. — Those arms though.” (This is how Fifty Shades of Grey got started isn’t it? Goddammit.)

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