Let’s Take A Break From Rapists, Child Molesters, And Everything Else

November 19th, 2014 // 41 Comments

It’s been a heady few days of rape, more rape, and reporters basically asking “alleged” rape victims why they didn’t just not get raped. So before I start writing about child rape (which I may completely flake out on before my soul falls out), let’s just kick our feet up and look at Miss Bum Bum finalist Claudia Alende recreating Kim Kardashian‘s naked photo shoot. And if that’s not your thing, below is Conan taking Jordan Schlansky coffee-tasting which is hilarious if you enjoy watching a replicant spectacularly fail to blend in with normal humans:

Conan Takes Jordan Schlansky Coffee Tasting After The Jump

Thor Is People’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive’

November 19th, 2014 // 16 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

Thor: The Dark World was a pile of shit, but definitely included a gratuitous shirtless scene of Chris Hemsworth because we really are a race of slightly smarter apes who still kill each other over shiny objects. Which is why every year the magazine who’s very namesake would indicate it represents our most fundamental interests, publishes their signature feature that basically says, “That one! We like that purty one bester!!” So, congratulations Chris’ abs, pecs and butt, you are now officially sanctioned masturbatory fodder as well as the subject of great contention, because it totally should have been Channing Tatum again. (Attention terrorists: Start with the midwest and south, then work your way out. By the time you reach the coasts, the rest of us who’ve been eyeing up Denmark for years will already be gone.)

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Splash News

Don Lemon To Bill Cosby Accuser: ‘Did You Try Not Getting Raped?’

November 19th, 2014 // 149 Comments
Don Lemon
Bill Cosby Raped Me
Janice Dickinson
Janice Dickinson Is 15th (16th?) Accuser To Come Forward Read More »

Seen here letting Bill Cosby know that he’s ready for him and without being drugged (Unless that ruins it. In which case, why yes, he would like a drink…) CNN anchor Don Lemon demonstrated why so many of these women – and rape victims in general – waited for decades to come forward, and it’s because even in the year 2014, male news reporters will ask you on national television why you didn’t just bite a powerful Hollywood actor in the dick after he pretended to be your mentor then drugged you at 19 years old so he could rape you. “Allegedly.” Via Gawker: More »

Good Morning, Kat Torres, And Other News

November 19th, 2014 // 9 Comments

- Gwyneth Paltrow is an Oscar-winning contextual commerce-person. And don’t you forget it! [Lainey Gossip]

- The Duggars are still awful. [Fishwrapper]

- The Parents Television Council just now figured out there’s fucking on Sons of Anarchy? [Dlisted]

- Enjoy The Tan Lines Before They Fade Away [theCHIVE]

- Benedict Cumberbatch apparently has trouble describing the word “booty.” [The Frisky]

- Angelina Jolie‘s breasts were in public again. [WWTDD]

- Anonymous declares war on the KKK. [Death and Taxes]

- Nicole Scherzinger‘s ass is still fantastic. [Popoholic]

- Peyton List is trouble. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Hayden Panettiere is pregnant as shit. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

Janice Dickinson: ‘Bill Cosby Raped Me’

November 18th, 2014 // 71 Comments
Janice Dickinson
But Vanessa And The Rudy?
Bill Cosby
A New Bill Cosby Accuser Comes Forward Read More »

I had a long piece planned on why you have to be a fucking idiot to still be defending Bill Cosby, but that’s practically a moot point now thanks to former supermodel Janice Dickinson who just became the next, and most high profile, alleged victim to come forward and accuse Bill Cosby of raping her in 1982. Entertainment Tonight reports:

Dickinson, now 59, recalls first meeting Cosby, now 77, when her agent set up a meeting with him to hire her for a role on The Cosby Show. After they had dinner, she says their next conversation was when he called her out of the blue while she was in rehab for drugs and alcohol. Following her stay in rehab, Dickinson says Cosby reached out to her during a trip to Bali and had her travel to Lake Tahoe, because he was performing there and wanted to offer her the job they had discussed as well as help her with a singing career.
Dickinson says they had dinner in Lake Tahoe, and claims that he gave her a glass of red wine and a pill, which she asked for because she was menstruating and had stomach pains.
And that’s when she tells ET that things took a disturbing turn.
“The next morning I woke up, and I wasn’t wearing my pajamas, and I remember before I passed out that I had been sexually assaulted by this man,” she tells ET. “… Before I woke up in the morning, the last thing I remember was Bill Cosby in a patchwork robe, dropping his robe and getting on top of me. And I remember a lot of pain. The next morning I remember waking up with my pajamas off and there was semen in between my legs.”

Janice later tried to write about the incident in her 2002 book No Lifeguard on Duty: The Accidental Life of the World’s First Supermodel – years before he’d face his first public accusations of raping and drugging Andrea Constand, according to Vice – but Cosby’s lawyers pressured her and HarperCollins to remove the details. (She was allowed to keep a part in about him getting pissed that she didn’t consensually sleep with him, and some creepy ass shit about Telly Savalas.) But now she’s ready to tell him to go fuck himself: More »

Kim Kardashian Was Clenching Her Butt, You Guys, It Wasn’t Photoshop

November 18th, 2014 // 35 Comments
It's Kim's Naked Vagina Now
Kim Kardashian Vagina Topless Naked FUPA
Hot Dog!
(Down A Hallway) Read More »

Kim Kardashian naked ass butt pussy” is still a huge search term right now (Never change, Internet.), so here she is telling an Australian talk show that her nude photo shoot for Paper is not the product of Photoshop, but of muscular clenching which almost always turns butts into smooth, spherical half-globes. Everyone knows that. Via Jezebel:

“My back hurt for about a week after that shoot. I used muscles! [Photographer Jean-Paule Goude] has an art of posing you and it was definitely not comfortable.”
“I was so honored and excited to work with [Goude] because he is a legend, and for me that was something I wanted to do to make myself feel confident. As a role model I’m not saying anyone else should do that, but for me it was an art project and it taught me to do what you want to do.”

If anyone needs me, I’m going to try and clench my penis into the shape of an octagon because apparently that’s possible if I say it’s for art. It’s for art.

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Photos: Getty, MODE/AKM-GSI, Splash News

Someone Invited Jessica Simpson To ‘The Hunger Games’ Premiere

November 18th, 2014 // 14 Comments

The Hunger Games is about a dystopian future where the rich eat all of the food leaving the poor to starve unless they shoot each other in the dicks with bows and arrows. Those words also describe every Tuesday night at the Chili’s near Jessica Simpson‘s house. Are you seeing the irony now?

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, MPNC/AKM-GSI, Splash News

Bella Thorne In A Bikini

November 18th, 2014 // 17 Comments

A while ago, I had to deal with an annoying situation involving Bella Thorne that really should’ve persuaded me from doing things like giving her free publicity by posting paparazzi photos of her on the site. But then she wore a bikini in Miami yesterday, and I don’t need to tell you what happened next because you’re already looking at the pics. Just looking at them right in the butt, so really, this is your fault. You practically held a gun to my head.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Splash News