Kate Upton is the cover interview for Elle UK‘s August issue where she complains about how hard it is being pretty because if there’s anything us normies love it’s hearing about the struggles of being beautiful. Nothing but a smooth, easy, homely life for us. That’s our motto. Via Elle UK:
“Living on a farm, beauty doesn’t get you anywhere. Because I was pretty didn’t mean I could convince my sister to do my chores. It was kind of inconvenient to be pretty, growing up.”
But then Kate prayed to God for curves and soon she was unburdened with the grueling life of being a beautiful, skinny blonde in the south. Why, no one’s ever had it so bad there:
‘When I first started modelling, I was a normal catalogue model,’ Kate explains in the accompanying interview, speaking about her stratospheric rise to fame – with that body.
‘Then, I became a woman, and I was really excited about becoming a woman. Because I’m from Florida, it’s all about being in bathing suits. It’s a different view of beauty there. You are ugly if you don’t have a curvy body. And I didn’t have one, and then I got one, and thought, “Yessss!”
‘And then people say: “Oh, wow, you’re healthy.”
‘And you’re like, “Wait – what? I’ve been begging for this body my whole life!”’
In Kate Upton’s defense, her breasts are huge. However, the rest of her body is also going that route, so I dunno, maybe tell God He can slow it down now. But break it to Him gently, He’s got kind of temper. Try not to provoke Him, is all I’m saying. I’m getting suspended, aren’t I? Goddammit.