Welcome to Monday’sThe Crap We Missed which I feel awkward even posting because it doesn’t have anything to do with old man molesters. Unless you count the entire target audience for the first and last pic of this gallery, Martin Scorsese just twisting the knife in Jonah Hill‘s side, this badass little kid (already on track to be an old man molester in the future), and Gene Simmons riding a mechanical bull, because yeah. Ok, in retrospect this thing is full of rapey shit, so I guess it fits right into today’s the–
NOOO, OH GOD NO, NOT Bill Murray! Cosby, you sick bastard!
- Photo Boy
Click Here To Start The Gallery
Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
Posted without commentary.
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After announcing that DMX would be boxing George Zimmerman on the day that would’ve been Trayvon Martin‘s 19th birthday, fight promoter Damon Feldman cancelled the whole production after getting his ass chewed out on Twitter. Fortunately, George Zimmerman won’t rest until he can commit more acts of violence, and he already has a new fight promoter who promises a no-holds-barred fight club benefiting The Trayvon Martin Foundation because why not tear a hole in the fucking universe? It’s not like anyone’s using it. TMZ reports:
An online streaming service called FilmOn.com says it secured the rights to a Zimmerman fight … after the original promoter, Damon Feldman pulled out because of threats made against his kids.
FilmOn says it’s gonna give the public what it wants — blood — and tells us DMX is out as the challenger because “much bigger names than DMX” want in.
The owner of FilmOn, Alki David, tells TMZ … the fight will no longer be a celebrity boxing match… “this is going to be like Fight Club … a very bloody event.” Alki says the fight will happen March 15 from a secret location … and all profits will go to the Trayvon Martin Foundation.
Seriously, let’s just cut to the chase and skip the whole “profits” (Read: After we pay ourselves a shit-ton of money.) going to charity scheme by taking this thing to its logical conclusion: Giving George Zimmerman a ton of money to let someone fire a bullet at him. Will he survive? Will he die shitting his pants? Or will he immediately pull a gun the second he realizes he started something he can’t finish? Live on Pay Per View!
So far today’s posts have been about such heavy topics as child molestation, porn star delusions, Dr. Huxtable’s PhD in rape, and walking and talking bags of douche. So for a change of pace/righting of the ship, let’s take a moment and look at Katy Perry‘s huge Granny panties. And if that’s somehow not doing anything for you, then watch this True Detective parody that’s completely sold by the uncanny Matthew McConaughey impression:
True Love Detective After The Jump
“Theo, and the Rudy, and the Vanessa, quiet down while your mizza matha mother’s pill kicks in!”
“Why, Heathcliff Huxtable, did you drug me again?”
*does goofy jazz dance, sticks tongue out*
Now that I’ve made light of a fucking horrible situation, last week Tom Scocca wrote an awesome piece for Gawker that I was going to post, but then went and saw The Lego Movie instead. – *winks at Pulitzer committee* Journalism, bitches. – In it, he reminds the Internet that just like Woody Allen, beloved comedian Bill Cosby also has a publicly documented history of sexual assault (Definitely worth reading.) that everyone just chose to forget because, I dunno, sweaters. A history that involves a routine pattern of drugging woman and inappropriately touching them, if not outright raping them, like this incident which was just one of four lawsuits reported in major media outlets and then brushed under the rug: More »
Now that she’s used rape as a cheap marketing tool, Farrah Abraham has moved on to part two of her sex tape sequel release plan: Act like she doesn’t want it released even though everyone knows exactly how these things work, you butt-squirting snozz-hole of fuck. TMZ reports:
Abraham is upset over Vivid releasing a follow-up video to “Backdoor Teen Mom” … claiming she never approved a sequel.
Small problem … We have an email Farrah sent to Vivid … in which she gives the porn company the right “to release video or Videos(s).” Plural times 2.
And, sure enough, if you click over to TMZ, you’ll see an email from Farrah’s lawyer granting Vivid the right to release the video within 60 days of – wait for it – completion of filming. Wow, that almost sounds like Farrah is some sort of person who’s paid to act in pornographic movies. Which can’t be right because clearly these are intimate tapes she’s filmed with her boyfriend after a cameraman breaks into her house to adjust the lighting and hold a boom mic over her tits. Haha, first dates. Amirite?
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Photo: Pacific Coast News
Here’s Shia LaBeouf at the Berlin International Film Festival premiere of Nymphomaniac yesterday where he walked the red carpet with a bag over his head to cap off his earlier performance verite de fartsniffadeux of walking out of the Q&A after answering only one question with a plagiarized answer from French soccer player Eric Cantora‘s 1995 news conference. As to what the hidden meaning of such a random, unprecedented work of pièce de résistance might be, I’m going with Shia LaBeouf is a primadonna cock-o-lantern. That seems like an art term.
Shia LaBeouf Walks Out of Q&A After The Jump