Shia LaBeouf Is Just Crazy

June 30th, 2014 // 23 Comments
Shia LaBeouf
Silence Of The Hams
Shia LaBeouf Handcuffed
Shia LaBeouf Arrested Read More »

When Shia LaBeouf was arrested for smoking and playing grab-ass during a production of Cabaret on Thursday, the prevailing theory was he was looking for attention the day before a new Transformers movie – the first without him in it – was released. Except, according to TMZ, it turns out Shia LaBeouf has been spending the past month in New York basically being an asshole in general. From pissing all over the outside of restaurant to literally asking a guy to punch him in the face outside of a strip club (below) because Tyler Durden is every douchebag’s totem. So if anyone did ask Shia on Friday if he got arrested because of Transformers, he’d not only have no idea what you’re talking about, but would probably shit on your foot for tampering with the time-web. “Why you disrupting my string, bro? Do I fuck with your string? Now help me make a soap bomb. There’s a bottle of Dawn in my pants.”

Shia LaBeouf Asks Guy To Punch Him Outside of Strip Club After The Jump

Michelle Rodriguez Doing Backflips In A Bikini

June 30th, 2014 // 19 Comments

The last post was kind of a (Robert) downer (Jr.) – Kill me. Break into my house and kill me. – so here’s Michelle Rodriguez drinking and doing backflips off a yacht in Sardinia. And without the presence of Boner Boy or Cara Delevingne who never understood her passion for falling recklessly off a sea vessel. Because it’s not who we are that defines us, it’s how much rum we can chug before hoping the ocean will snap our neck before Vin Diesel holds another cast meeting where he makes Paul Walker‘s corpse talk like a puppet. “Guys, Brian and I just weren’t feeling it from you yesterday. In fact, we get the impression some of you are questioning Brian’s commitment. — *moves jaw with hands* Yeah, guys, I can’t help it my arm fell off back there, but that’s why Dom and I will be best friends forever. I’ve got his back, and he makes sure mine’s not flaking all over the cars. Sorry about that by the way. — Brian, you don’t have to apologize to these people. Family means never having to apologize. Now get your sorry asses over here and hug your brother for making him self-conscious. I said HUG HIM.”

Photos: Fame/Flynet, CIAO/AKM-GSI

Robert Downey Jr.’s Son Busted For Cocaine

June 30th, 2014 // 27 Comments
Robert Downey Jr.
Previously In Coke
Lindsay Lohan Freckles Crotch
Adam Levine Did Not Have Sex With This Read More »

For a very long time, Robert Downey Jr. was a walking punchline thanks to an epic coke addiction that landed him in and out of jail whenever he wasn’t alone in a hotel room with a Wonder Woman costume. But after getting a lifeline tossed to him by Mel Gibson who cast him in The Singing Detective, he was able to sober up and get his career to a point where Disney literally backed up trucks full of money just to get him to show up in two more Avengers movies. Except now comes the shitty part where he has to walk the razor’s edge of keeping his 20-year-old son clean without looking like a giant hypocrite to him. TMZ reports:

Robert Downey Jr.’s son was arrested for cocaine possession in West Hollywood Sunday afternoon … law enforcement sources tell TMZ.
We’re told Indio Downey was a passenger in a car at around 2 PM PT when cops drove up along side the vehicle and noticed the passenger was smoking something out of a pipe.
An L.A. County Sheriff’s deputy pulled the car over, did a search and allegedly found cocaine in Indio’s possession. He was arrested and taken to jail for possession of cocaine.

Robert Downey Jr. has since released a statement: More »

Chris Rock Won The BET Awards

June 30th, 2014 // 17 Comments
Chris Rock BET Awards

I absolutely hate awards shows because the last thing celebrities need is more sunshine to the anus, so I treat each and every one with the same amount of disdain by blowing through them as quickly as possible. So here’s Chris Rock‘s monologue at last night’s BET Awards which kicked off an evening of trashing the whole audience including Chris Brown. Which seems badass until you realize Chris Rock is a man, so there’s no way Chris Brown is touching him. Are you kidding me? That’d almost be a fair fight. Fuck that.

Chris Rock’s BET Awards Monologue After The Jump

Even Jennifer Lopez Has To Do Miley Cyrus Shit Now

June 30th, 2014 // 16 Comments

My last post had to do with things like war, compassion, human decency, but that’s not why most of you come here, and that poop can go fornicate itself as far you’re concerned. So here’s Jennifer Lopez performing at the iHeart Radio Ultimate Pool Party because what you do come here for is to look at celebrity butts and crotches instead of doing a job you’re paid for. Which is commendable, and I don’t say that enough. You’re an inspiration.

Photos: FAMA/AKM-GSI, INFphoto, Splash News

What Amy Adams Did Was Classy As Balls No Matter How You Feel About The War(s)

June 30th, 2014 // 68 Comments
Yes, War Is Bullshit
Russell Brand
No, That Is Not The Troops' Fault Read More »

On Friday, Amy Adams tried to quietly pull a super classy move by giving a soldier her first class seat on a flight from Detroit to Los Angeles. She discreetly arranged it with the flight crew and almost got away with it except ESPN2′s Jemele Hill happened to also be in first class and immediately blabbed to ABC News turning it into the biggest story of the day, almost all of it positive for Amy, who unfortunately got bombarded by Inside Edition as soon as she got off the plane. Where she also, by the way, politely posed for selfies with coach passengers (above). Anyway, my main point here is that, this being the Internet, it didn’t take long for contrarians to start shitting on her because troops are “killers and occupiers.” (That link is to a comment, not the post.) To which I say, oh, shut the fuck up. More »

Good Morning, Anais Zanotti, And Other News

June 30th, 2014 // 15 Comments

- Lindsay Lohan really is performing in a David Mamet play. Blowjobs are your friend, kids. [Lainey Gossip]

- Kelly Osbourne tattooed the side of her head. [Dlisted]

- She’s Got Legs For Days [theCHIVE]

- Willow Smith is getting Instagram tips from Kylie Jenner. Oh, good. [Fishwrapper]

- Funny Girl Sex Guide: Blowjob Techniques You (Maybe) Need To Try (Part 2!) [The Frisky]

- Naya Rivera in skin-tight jeans, anyone? [Popoholic]

- NBC will air Miley Cyrus‘s Bangerz Tour, but won’t let Constantine smoke. Makes sense. [Starpulse]

- Khloe Kardashian‘s ass implants had a birthday party. [tooFab]

- Selena Gomez is getting fake tits for Justin. (Interpret however you like.) [IDLYITW]

- Luci Ford is still very, very hot. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Brody Jenner is banging this (in a bikini) now. [Celebslam]

- Goddamn, Bianca Balti… [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 4.17

June 28th, 2014 // 15 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet that features yet another, remarkably robust showing and probably the best Tom Cruise joke I’ve ever seen in all my years of celebrity tit blogging. But enough about Midget Jesus The Levitating Space Prince, let’s get right into this week’s Long One™ which paints a scene so inspirational and heartwarming Christopher Reeve rose from the dead and kicked a horse in the face. I couldn’t believe it: More »