In an interview with Australia’s The Kyle and Jackie Show, Chris Brown confirms that he broke up with Rihanna because he can’t be “wife-ing” somebody that young. Apparently he doesn’t know you can still punch women after you marry them? Who the fuck knows? Via E! News:
“Imma do it solo,” Brown continued. “I mean, at the end of the day, shawty doing her own thang, she on the road. It’s always gonna be love. I’m a grown man, just gotta fast forward.”
The singer makes it clear that his love for Rihanna hasn’t gone anywhere, but at this point in their lives, it’s just not practical, “I’m always gonna love that person. I cant be focused on wife-ing someone that young. I need to be the best Chris Brown I can be.”
“Son, let me break it down for you. Who looked at your phone when you were trying to text another woman?”
“And who let you punch her in the face?”
“Bite her neck?”
“Choke her, slam her head against the car door, leave her for dead on the street?”
“And after all that, who had the nerve to go the hospital where everyone found out about your business?”
“See what I’m getting at?”
“Huh. Guess I never thought of it that way. Thanks, Dad!”
- Chris & Clinton Brown, April 30, 2013
Photos: Splash News
You oughta know, Maxim. You oughta know.
Photos: Fame/Flynet, Splash News
- Lindsay Lohan will apparently defy court orders for a quick payout. [Lainey Gossip]
- Denise Richards has custody of all of Charlie Sheen‘s kids now. [Dlisted]
- 82 Pics of Girls With Future Lower Back Problems is one way to start your week. [theCHIVE]
- Here’s Ryan Gosling getting the giggles. You’re welcome, ladies. [tooFab]
- Winona Ryder is apparently trying to get back together with Johnny Depp. [BuzzFeed]
- Maria Sharapova does Esquire. [Popoholic]
- Ireland Baldwin has a lot of time on her hands. [IDLYITW]
- Carmen Electra still looks pretty damn great. [Hollywood Tuna]
- LeAnn Rimes in Daisy Dukes. [Celebslam]
- Kelly Brook does FHM. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
- This is what Kim Kardashian is doing to her feet because she’s poor and has no choice but to wear ridiculous heels while pregnant, you guys. [Amy Grindhouse]
- You’ll probably be surprised to hear this, but Iron Man 3 made a shit-ton of money. [FilmDrunk]
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Photos: Splash News
“Only douches still use Bluetooth? Well, then I guess that makes me a douche. A douche all over YOUR FACE. (Laser to the dick. Laser to the dick, go!)”
Welcome to the first review of the summer movie season which thankfully hasn’t been marred by a horrible tragedy we learned absolutely nothing from even after a second one happened just a few months later where even more kids died because this is America, goddammit, and you have to make us learn shit with your cold dead hands. Except not really because we’ll just shoot them off. But enough politics, let’s talk about Robert Downey Jr. quipping his dick off in a robot suit. PEW PEW!
(Not even two paragraphs in, and I’ve already said “dick” twice. Roger would’ve wanted it this way. He would’ve wanted it this way.)
‘Iron Man 3′ Review After The Jump
Well, here we are folks, at the end of another week of you tolerating my rambling efforts at subbing for Fish. Thank you for that. I wish I could express it with a respectable bikini photo set, but I couldn’t find one, so I did the next best thing which is the exact opposite of that. Above is a woman famous for being Kim Kardashian-esque in that they both intercoursed the same large, just a shade above retarded ape man, and will now shamelessly whore themselves to anyone who’s buying. Notice the location of the shoot is the Jersey shore because nothing says class like “Alright, can we break for a minute? I’ve got garbage stuck on my lens again.”
Til next time, I’ll be back in the mines, with my boob-axe and
pantyflashlight, watching, waiting,
- Photo Boy
Photo: Pacific Coast News
Posted by Photo Boy
Despite conducting what was assuredly an intense cost/benefit analysis of abortion, Kim Kardashian decided to no longer promote Midori liquor and has been replaced by Candice Accola as the brand’s spokesperson. Page Six reports:
…Kim Kardashian has been forced to hand back the monstrous mermaid costume she wore to promote Midori, now that she is with Kanye West’s child.
Everybody in the entire world, with the exception of Dina Lohan, believes that pregancy and booze don’t mix, although I’m sure this didn’t matter at all to Kim’s pimp. Having the family motto of “CONSUME THE IMMORTAL SOULS OF THE LIVING MUAHAHAHAHA!” “Fuck Everything, Because MONEY!” probably put a damper on this otherwise sensible decision.
KIM: Mom, I just don’t think it’s responsible.
KRIS: Fine, but you need to sign this release so I can license North’s birth video to some German porn sites.
KIM: Already locked that down months ago AND THE STUDENT BECOMES THE MASTER!
Photo:Fame/Flynet, INF, Splash News