After a public relations disaster thanks to a lawsuit she ended up settling out of court after giving a now-pointless and career-destroying deposition that confirmed to the world she thinks making African-Americans dress up like plantation slaves is an acceptable wedding decoration, Paula Deen vanished from public sight. Except now she’s planning a $75 million comeback because old Southern white people “who don’t know any better” have a target demographic that can’t hand you its money (or die off) fast enough. However, not every company bailed on Paula, and some like Alice Travel, doubled down by offering cruises with Lady Butter Belle of the South which Caity Weaver subjected herself to so none of us ever have to. It’s an incredible read that examines the morbid realities of cruise ships and how easy it is to find a singing black chef to make you not look like a racist on one. And before any says it’s TL;DR because reading is hard, I made it through the whole thing, and I’m the type of person who fast forwards through the opening credits of TV shows if they deprive me of one second of Rust Cohle saying awesome bleak shit into my face. Suck it up.
Gravy Boat: My Week on the High Seas With Paula Deen and Friends – Gawker
Photos: Splash News
Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed where we learn how to say Buy Oats Cheap! in graffiti, as well as the kind of rash your face gets from Sean Penn, and how to casually take a dick selfie from Jeremy Jackson. You’ll see it. I’d have something else snarky to say but it all shot out of my sweat glands during the past hour and a half of shoveling.
Seriously Florida, why do you have to be such a methy bitch?
- Photo Boy
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Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News
Earlier in the week, I posted about Bill Cosby‘s intentionally forgotten history of sexual assault thanks to Tom Scocca writing an awesome piece for Gawker that spurred one of Cosby’s alleged victim to come forward to Newsweek. And now another has come forward with more details from the 2005 lawsuit including her own experience being groomed by Cosby and that there were 12 other women involved in this thing, not counting ones that hadn’t come forward. So here that is which I highly recommend checking out:
Barbara Bowman Speaks About Bill Cosby Sexual Abuse Allegations – Newsweek
And here’s how Cosby’s team responded to Buzzfeed:
“You had the Gawker thing. And now there’s a gal at Newsweek that’s frisky, looking at some of these things,” the source continued. “I can’t see that that has anything to do with him going back to television.”
“A gal that’s frisky.” Well, shit, why didn’t someone say that in the first place before we got our panties in a bunch? That clears up everything. Who wants pudding pops?
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After knee-capping real rape survivors to promote the sequel to her sex tape, jack-butt of all trades Farrah Abraham has apparently switched back to Christian parenting mode because she’s totally done with having sex, you guys, and is saving her body for Christ. You read that. Via Life & Style:
Farrah Abraham bared all last year in Backdoor Teen Mom, but now she’s swearing off sex.
In the new issue of Life & Style, on stands now, the Teen Mom star explains the experience has soured sex for her — for good.
“People use sex for power and manipulation when sex is supposed to be enjoyable and great,” adding “I don’t feel that. I want to be a virgin forever — or a nun.”
Of course, there’s always the chance Farrah gave this interview before news broke about Farrah 2: Backdoor and More essentially making the whole interview look goddamn ridiculous and wasting Life & Style‘s money that they paid her, but that would mean Farrah is a dishonest whore who’ll do or say anything for attention or money like her real Jesus taught her. Hallowed be thy butt. Thy kingdom come. On earth as it is in the perfect bathroom for taking selfies. Amen.
Yesterday, Drake got a bunch of press after calling Macklemore‘s text to Kendrick Lamar “wack as fuck” in an interview with Rolling Stone. Except now Drake’s the one acting wack as fuck after finding out Rolling Stone replaced his cover with Philip Seymour Hoffman and printed some words he said about Kanye West that were supposedly off the record. Via Celebuzz:
- I never commented on Yeezus for my interview portion of Rolling Stone. They also took my cover from me last minute and ran the issue.
- I’m disgusted with that. RIP to Phillip Seymour Hoffman. All respect due. But the press is evil.
- I’m done doing interviews for magazines. I just want to give my music to the people. That’s the only way my message gets across accurately.
He’s since deleted the first two tweets for obvious reasons on the Philip Seymour Hoffman one, and presumably because he was on record for the Yeezus quote and realized how bad it sounded: More »
Here’s Jennifer Lopez still filming her FIFA World Cup video on a yacht in Miami yesterday which is fitting because by the time you’re seeing this, I’ll be shoveling my way through a giant white behemoth pile as well. Only literally because nature is a cold teat. On that note, if there’s not another post after an hour, I had a heart attack or banged a Yeti. Avenge me.
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Photo: Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Splash News
“Hey, you can’t follow me here. I’m a member of the LPGA. I have rights!”
Now that Bruce Jenner has the finely shaved Adam’s apple of a young man making a him a precision aerodynamic machine of speed and looking like a lesbian, he doesn’t need Keeping Up With The Kardashians anymore. Or Hollywood at all. They’re just wind in his – *puts on sunglasses* – drag. TMZ reports, and almost forgot, HYEEEEEEAAHHHH:
Sources connected to both the Kardashian family and the production tell TMZ … Bruce will NOT come back for another season of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” if the network picks it up. The family is currently shooting the last installment of the series … and even if it gets renewed we’re told Bruce wants out.
Bruce now reluctantly takes part in the show … but only when it’s absolutely necessary. Whenever possible he’ll shoot his scenes in Malibu — where he now lives.
We’re told Bruce has a clear vision of his life as soon as the season ends … golfing, spending time with his kids — off camera — flying helicopters and riding motorcycles.
And marrying k.d. lang in a spirit ceremony. TMZ forgot marrying k.d. lang in a spirit ceremony. They should probably check their computers.
Photos: Splash News