Rihanna Will Make You Want To Bang Raphael Now

November 3rd, 2014 // 19 Comments

The right wing media is waging a horseshit campaign to paint Lena Dunham as a child molester, but before we get to that, let’s look at Rihanna‘s tits painted like a Ninja Turtle because I’m almost positive this is the story on everyone’s mind that will define us a generation. Or make me watch the shit-ass Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie again and hope one of them grow breasts. Again. (I’m a dreamer.)

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Josiah / AKM-GSI, Splash News

It’s Heidi Klum’s Halloween Costume

November 3rd, 2014 // 12 Comments

Every Halloween Heidi Klum wears an overly elaborate costume as she’s done each year (except for last when she merely revealed her true form) since Hitler summoned her from the demonic realm to vanquish his enemies and festoon the Fatherland with topless tittery. So here she is transformed into a beautiful butterfly which I’m pretty sure was the plot of Red Dragon, so somebody make sure Heidi Klum’s not biting corpses with her dentures. She takes getting into character very seriously. In 2010, NASA caught her trying to hijack a shuttle to return to Purple Nipplelon 7. Fifteen people died.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, Josiah / STMX / Vantagenews / AKM-GSI, Splash News

Everybody Hates Chris Rock’s SNL Monologue (Ha! Get It? Like The Show)

November 3rd, 2014 // 33 Comments
Chris Rock SNL
WATCH: Chris Rock - 'SNL' Monologue

Chris Rock hosted Saturday Night Live over the weekend and during his monologue, he told some jokes about 9/11 and the Boston Marathon Bombing which is almost completely unheard of for a comedian. My socks flew right off my feet, I was so shocked. And apparently so was the Internet even though Chris Rock said absolutely nothing offensive and was making pretty clear points about American capitalism that are 100% true. Then again, if you don’t constantly speak about terrorist attacks with awe and reverence, it makes it harder to start wars against brown people in other countries that had nothing to do with it, so I can see how that might anger some people who really want those brown people dead. Why you gotta keep fucking things up for them?

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Kelly Brook’s Breasts Are The Devil And Other News

November 3rd, 2014 // 21 Comments

- Benedict Cumberbatch describes how Sherlock would fuck. Bring a change of underwear. [Lainey Gossip]

- Olivier Martinez‘s punches ruined Gabriel Aubry‘s modeling career. — I believe it. [Dlisted]

- Sunday Is A Good Day For Lingerie [theCHIVE]

- For the love of God, Tara Reid, please stop taking selfies of your crotch. [Fishwrapper]

- The Foolproof Way To Get Out Of The Friendzone: Dress Like An Asshole [The Frisky]

- Karlie Kloss is in lingerie. [WWTDD]

- “Dear Navy SEALS, stop bragging on FOX News.” – The Pentagon [Death and Taxes]

- So who wants to see Hayden Panettiere as a pregnant cat person in a bikini? [Popoholic]

- Furious 7 has a trailer. See if you can spot the strings on Paul Walker‘s corpse! [tooFab]

- Taylor Swift is a Pegacorn. [IDLYITW]

- You should know what to expect by now. [Girls In Cute Underwear]

- What’s up, Naya Rivera? [Hollywood Tuna]

- The Sexiest Social Media Pics of The Week [Celebslam]

- I do not pay enough attention to Shay Mitchell. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Splash News, Xposure/AKM-GSI

Lena Dunham’s Topless, Too, Goddammit

October 31st, 2014 // 39 Comments
Lena Dunham Topless
Previously In Topless
Chelsea Handler Topless Nipples Putin
Chelsea Handler's Breasts Are At War With Instagram Read More »

Christian conservatives like to flail their arms around and say America is becoming Nazi Germany because people sometimes disagree them and don’t go, “Why, yes, we should become a theocracy based on a 2,000 year old book that says you can stone women and gays to death. How do we make that happen?” However, if they pointed at things like, say, Lena Dunham posing topless on Instagram to impose her views on Planned Parenthood, which I actually support, I’d be more inclined to take them seriously because that sounds exactly like some shit Hitler would pull:

“Herr Fuhrer, I do not zink exterminating zee Jews is a good idea.”
“Then perhaps I can persuade you. WITH MY TITTIES!” *rips off shirt*
“No! Herr Fuhrer, please! We’ll vill vipe them out. We’ll vipe out zee whole race! Oh, God, zey’re so mishapen.”

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Photo: Instagram

Amanda Bynes Is Accusing Her Dad of Being A ‘Sexual Predator’ Again

October 31st, 2014 // 45 Comments

And here we go again. I’d like to personally dedicate this shitstorm that took less than 24 hours to form to the judge who released Amanda Bynes even after her doctors said she was “severely ill.” Well played, your honor. This couldn’t be going better. Via Twitter: More »