According to the photo agency we got these from, Bruce Jenner was allegedly going out of his way to make sure the front of his chest wasn’t photographed yesterday because he may or may not be blossoming into a beautiful woman, full-bodied and sensual. (h/t Eric Jonrosh) And if you have no idea what the hell I’m talking about, tits, people. He’s growing tits. One of them’s opening the car door, for God’s sake.
We’ve already seen Ashley Benson topless, so here she is running around naked with Troian Bellisario in a new Instagram photo because apparently she doesn’t know people are suing over uncensored butthole these days. Or does that only count if there’s gaping birth canal? I tried to ask our lawyer, but he was too busy giving Chris Hansen directions to my hou- wait.
UPDATE: Apparently Ashley Benson took this pic from Pinterest because here’s her real butt: More »
Yesterday, Nick Cannon confirmed to The Insider that he and Mariah Carey have been living in separate houses for months because this guy will tell anybody fucking anything. Which is why Mariah slapped him with a gag order, so this is all going well. TMZ reports:
Sources close to the couple tell TMZ … Nick and Mariah’s lawyers hashed out a confidentiality agreement as part of their divorce … and it’s completely one-sided.
Nick is barred from saying anything about the split. If he does, there are severe financial penalties. But Mariah has the right under the agreement to announce the split on her terms.
And those terms are a Craigslist ad for a new butler who hasn’t had sex with Kim Kardashian which will probably violate a few equal opportunity laws. You can’t just come right out and say, “Oh, hey, by the way, no black guys.” It’s a different world now.
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- Chris Pratt has reached Christian Bale-ian levels of awesome. [Lainey Gossip]
- Brooke Mueller made her assistant be a drug mule? That sounds exactly right. [Dlisted]
- Let’s Put Some Asian In The Equation [theCHIVE]
- LeAnn Rimes could be pregnant any second now. [Fishwrapper]
- Christian country music wants you to clean up after your man who’s basically a toddler. [The Frisky]
- Chelsea Handler‘s not bringing Chuy to Netflix. Has he tried sleeping with a powerful executive? [WWTDD]
- Jessica Hart does GQ. [Popoholic]
- Miley Cyrus is attending the VMAs, not performing, so you’ll still see her vagina. [Starpulse]
- Justin Bieber shaved his little pube mustache. [tooFab]
- Kristen Stewart did the Ice Bucket Challenge wrong. [IDLYITW]
- What’s up, Erin Heatherton? [Hollywood Tuna]
- Cara Santana wears the hell out of a sports bra. [Celebslam]
- Mother of fucking God, Genevieve Morton basically topless. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
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If you’ve been getting sick of seeing Ice Bucket Challenges all week, apparently so has 50 Cent because he just decided to change the whole thing into daring Floyd Mayweather to read. Via Instagram:
Floyd will you except my ALS/ESL CHALLENGE: I will donate $750k to a charity of your choice, If you can read a full page out of a Harry Potter book out loud without starting and stopping or fucking up. lmao
And the video is even better because 50 Cent literally throws a bucket off his porch while yelling, “Fuck the ice!” which shouldn’t be funny because ALS really is a serious disease and people are only trying to help, and yet you’re all gonna laugh. Don’t pretend you didn’t. Even Lou Gehrig’s ghost went, “This nigga’s hilarious!”
50 Cent’s Ice Bucket Challenge After The Jump
When Jessie Nizewitz agreed to appear on VH1′s Dating Naked, she was under the impression that producers would blur everything out even though everyone would be filming buck-ass naked, so surely you’re going to accidentally see some butthole. Or in Jessie’s case, some butthole AND vagina (NSFW) which apparently cost her the love of her life and left her no choice but to sue VH1 for $10 million. New York Post reports:
Jessie Nizewitz, 28, says she was repeatedly promised by the producers that her private parts would be “blurred out” during the show’s third episode in May.
So she stripped down to her birthday suit with wet beach sand covering parts of her body and performed a WWE-style wrestling move on her date while the producers egged her on, according to the $10 million suit filed in Manhattan by her high- powered lawyer, Matthew Blit.
“I felt lied to, manipulated and used. I was horrified,” Nizewitz told The Post, explaining that she was brought to tears.
After the episode aired, Jessie started receiving texts and messages from friends and family who let her know her vagina was on TV and not to let it get all Hollywood on her. But, first, a brief aside about how she used to work with a convicted pedophile which is literally what the Post chose to write next: More »
And just as soon as it began, Michelle Rodriguez and Zac Efron‘s relationship is already over, so assume the whole thing went exactly like this: “Oh. Sniff. Hey. Sniff. Oh. You like coke? Sniff. Yeah. Cool. Sniff. Oh, shit, we’re fucking? Uh uh uh. Sniff. Yeah! Sniff. Backflips, yeah, backflips! Let’s do ‘em! WHOO! Sniff. Fuck. I gotta get back – sniff – and movie. Sniff. Hey, weren’t you that chick in Lost? Sniff. Hey. Alright. Sniff. Shit. Bye.”
(That literally works with either one of them saying it. I know. That’s the beauty of it.)
Photo: CIAO/AKM-GSI, Pacific Coast News
When Heaven Is For Real came out, I made the mistake of responding to my mother’s interest in seeing it by pointing out how demonstrably full of shit and pandering it is instead of staring at her blankly and waiting for the words to stop. I know better. She then responded with the profound statement of, “Hollywood’s not just going to start making Christian movies for the money,” because naturally Hollywood’s in the Satan business, and it isn’t going to betray its Dark Master just to make buckets upon buckets of easy money from group ticket sales to churches. You can’t even buy hookers and coke with that. It’s imbued with special God magic that bursts into flames if your intentions aren’t pure. Anyway, now that I’ve shown you the axe I’m about to grind, here’s Kirk Cameron promoting his new movie Mercy Rule which is always a special time for me thanks to the abundance of low hanging Jesus-fruit. FOX News reports because of course:
But how did an 18-year-old actor find God on the set of “Growing Pains” at the height of his success?
“I think eventually if people are thoughtful you start asking grown up questions like, ‘How did the world get started? Where did we come from? Where are we going? Why are we here?’ and I guess when I, as a child, I just sort of had blind faith in the fairytale that they way we got here was from goo to the zoo to you,” he told FOX411. “I finally said that doesn’t sound right and someone took me to church and kind of opened my eyes to what I believe is the truth about who we are and why we’re here.”
“Sure, a scientific method that’s constantly evaluating data for accuracy sounds good on paper. But I wanted something more concrete than the closest thing to facts you can get in this world. Which is why as soon as I heard about two naked people being dropped into a magic garden with a talking snake, I knew I had found the answer. No more fairy tales for this guy. Except for my fictional movies starring fictional characters responding to fictional events. Those are because my wife and I can never find anything good on.” More »