Alright, folks, technically it’s a work holiday, but I couldn’t leave you without at least throwing herpes, nihilism, and Miley Cyrus in your face. So here are 80 pics from the start of her X-rated Live Bangerz Tour in Vancouver complete with Vagina Diddle 2.0, midgets dressed as joints, lesbiantry, and Bill Clinton BJs because Happy Birthday, George Washington. It’s what you always wanted. See you tomorrow.
Photos: CYVR/AKM-GSI, Getty, Splash News
If you’re not watching True Detective, you’re missing out the greatest fucking show on television and Matthew McConaughey‘s best work since Magic Mike which just made me wonder what it’d be like if Rust Chole were replaced by Dallas… focus, focus. However, you’re also probably living a less nihilistic existence where you don’t stare off into space contemplating the meaningless point of this biological puppet show called life and imagining what happens next in the void (I have fun.), but that’s neither here nor there. What is here is Michael M. Hughes‘ guest post on io9 that already gave True Detective fans a Yellow King boner when it went up Friday and is now even more poignant after last night’s episode. So here that is for your reading pleasure while I get ready to scatter shot 80 pics of Miley Cyrus‘ Bangerz Tour onto the Internet because this world is bullshit.
The One Literary Reference You Must Know to Appreciate True Detective – io9
EDIT: In my haste to get out the door, I forgot to mention this little nugget of impeccable writing. When Hart says he’s in Promise Keepers? Just – *kisses fingers* – goddammit.
- Leonardo DiCaprio‘s silent campaign to beat Matthew McConaughey at the Oscars. [Lainey Gossip]
- Ellen Page made what everyone knew official. [Dlisted]
- My Big Ol’ Boobies, Tis of Thee… [theCHIVE]
- Chris Brown is very concerned about women now. [Fishwrapper]
- Martha Stewart wants to bang Batman. [The Frisky]
- “Aww, who’s a good girl who whores daddy’s shoes? North‘s a good girl, that’s right.” [tooFab]
- What the fuck is your problem, Florida? [BuzzFeed]
- I completely forgot about Kristen Stewart‘s implants. [Popoholic]
- Katherine Webb looks way hotter without makeup. [IDLYITW]
- Aubrey O’Day is still showing off her breasts. [Hollywood Tuna]
- Who hasn’t thought, “Boy, I wish I had the dead, dying skin of Madonna?” [Celebslam]
- Hello, Cassandra Dawn… [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
THE SUPERFICIAL | About • Facebook • Twitter
Photos: Splash News
Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which comes to you after taking a brief hiatus last weekend which may or may not be attributed to a distinct lack of “Dis how chicken look” comments. That said, the joke has evolved now. It’s become self-aware. No longer confined to Joanna Krupa, it threatens to destroy the very fabric of comedy, but mostly just make it abundantly clear I will laugh at the stupidest shit. Laugh like a fox. Anyway, I’m sure you all have busy lives mopping up last night’s sex. Adieu.
- The Superficial
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Photos: Sebastian Faena/Harper’s Bazaar
Welcome to a very special bullshit holiday edition of The Crap We Missed, brought to you by Karissa Shannon‘s giant butt, because what better way to commemorate a completely fake and meaningless thing intentionally engineered for the dual purpose of alleviating men of their money and leaving women with a dull sense of dissatisfaction about their lives.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
- Photo Boy
P.S. Ladies, if you’re looking for last-minute ideas for your special guy, Ryan Seacrest has you covered.
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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
[Ed. Note: For the sake of this post, I'm assuming Selena Gomez is my Valentine which is neither creepy nor illegal. Also, this doll made out of her hair was here when I got here. - SW]
Dearest Valentine Who I Have Sex With In Real Life,
Last month, Elisabeth Hasselbeck literally asked with a straight face on live television if feminism and the wussification of men (one of the most bullshit topics of our generation because, gasp, the free market controlled by men made men stop acting like cavemen) is a national security threat which I foolishly thought would be the stupidest topic ever debated on Fox News after real, live White Santa and his BFF Aryan Jesus. But, sweet, sensual Valentine who I’ve showered with frequently and washed with various fruit-scented shampoos and loofahs, that was before yesterday when Elisabeth Hasselbeck found the real cause of our nation’s entitlement problem of not fucking poor people hard enough in the ass: Making little kids give everyone in the class a Valentine’s. My love, the greatest political minds of our time: More »
Here’s Kendall Jenner somehow walking the Marc Jacobs runway during Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week last night, and yes, those are her nipples you’re clearly seeing directly through her shirt. And I get it. Kris Jenner has a brand to keep relevant while people lose interest in Kim’s ass, but did she have to drain Kendall’s lifeforce before the show? That just seems like something that could’ve waited until after. Then again, I’ve never raised teenagers let alone whored one out per an accord with the devil. This is all Greek to me.