Lena Dunham Believes In Paying Artists Now

September 30th, 2014 // 20 Comments
Lena Dunham

After being called out by the New York Times and Gawker for not paying artists to perform during a promotional tour for the book she was paid a $3.7 million advance to write on top of charging people $38 more to see her talk about it, Lena Dunham has decided okay, maybe artists should be paid for their work. Via Twitter: More »

Jennifer Love Hewitt Sending Matt Damon A Bed Is Exactly How It Sounds

September 30th, 2014 // 10 Comments
Jennifer Love Hewitt Jimmy Kimmel
WATCH: Jennifer Love Hewitt Sent Matt Damon A Bed
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I often joke about how Jennifer Love Hewitt is a man-crazy mental patient hell-bent on doing whatever it takes to find her soulmate so she can climb into his carcass forever making them one. And that’s because it’s true and will apparently be the death of Matt Damon. Via Celebuzz:

I was reading an article, and he said this really sad thing about how all his dreams were coming true but he didn’t feel that he had a bed of his own, he was always traveling. I remember being really busy also and thinking, that’s so sad, to have all your dreams come true but not have a solid foundation. So for some reason, I though an aerobed would help that for him. In my head, I thought, He can travel with it, then it’s always his safe place. I didn’t go over it with anyone, I should’ve been like, “Hey, should I send this to Matt Damon?” and they would’ve been like, “No, you’re crazy, don’t do it!” But I didn’t, so I got the information he was in Paris, filming something, so I sent it to Paris.

Shockingly, Matt Damon never sent Jennifer Love Hewitt a “Thank You” card. However, he did ask me to deliver this message: “Dear Jennifer Love Hewitt, I changed my name to Justin Bieber and lost a bunch of weight so we can be together forever. Wanna cuddle?”

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Adam Levine & Behati Prinsloo Are Banging While Covered In Blood

September 30th, 2014 // 18 Comments

Here’s the video for “Animals” which features Adam Levine stalking his wife Behati Prinsloo like a hipster serial killer before banging her naked body covered in blood. It’s the sexual fantasy of any healthy marriage provided your husband wants to fuck himself even harder in a meat locker which is also the vibe I got from this. “Yeah, yeah, what’s her face’s naked, but did you see how much I want me? Fucking hot, right?”

Maroon 5 ‘Animals’ Video After The Jump

The Old Amanda Bynes Is Back

September 30th, 2014 // 28 Comments
Amanda Bynes Telly Video
WATCH: This Is How Amanda Bynes 'Gets Ready'

I gave Amanda Bynes‘ parents a lot of shit about their conservatorship because they seemed to be more concerned about her money and a little too quick to blame everything on weed instead of admitting she has a severe mental illness. However, to their credit, they did manage to keep her under wraps without a single driveway being exploded or reports of a Rolling Bong of Death terrorizing downtown. Except the conservatorship ended earlier this month and it took her all of three weeks to get arrested for DUI, so before I go any further, GET OUT OF THE ROAD. TMZ reports:

Amanda Bynes was arrested in Los Angeles Sunday after cops determined she was driving under the influence … and our law enforcement sources say she was on a STIMULANT … but we’re told she has also developed a serious weed problem … again.
Here’s what we know — Bynes was driving a Mercedes in the San Fernando Valley when she stopped in the middle of an intersection on Van Nuys Blvd.

We’re told Amanda has moved out of her parents home and is now living in an Orange County apartment. We’re told she has been smoking weed for weeks and things are bad again.

According to TMZ, Amanda was high on Adderall and from the sound of things, keeping her shit together for the past year had to be a goddamn chore because her parents basically let the conservatorship expire and are convincing themselves she’s all better now: More »

Good Morning, Anais Zanotti, And Other News

September 30th, 2014 // 6 Comments

- Apparently Brad Pitt loves Shia LaBeouf. [Lainey Gossip]

- Those Amy’s Baking Company crazies are trying to stab people now. [Dlisted]

- Sideboob: Ain’t nothing wrong with that. [theCHIVE]

- Annie Lennox just took a shot at Beyonce. [Fishwrapper]

- David Hasselhoff just redeemed himself for letting Justin Bieber ride in KITT. [The Mighty]

- Yes, let’s get mad about porn emails and not that half of my state is being fracked to shit. [The Frisky]

- An 11-year-old got shot while clubbing because Florida. [WWTDD]

- Robert Pattinson‘s new girlfriend is turning Twihards into racists. [Death and Taxes]

- Goddamn, Arianny Celeste… [Popoholic]

- Kendall Jenner‘s underboob, anyone? [tooFab]

- The #IAmARepublican campaign is backfiring spectacularly. [The Daily Banter]

- Bryana Holly looks fun. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Nicki Minaj has way bigger tits. Shenanigans! [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

Lena Dunham Thinks Artists Should Work For Free

September 29th, 2014 // 34 Comments
Lena Dunham
You Described Instagram
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Lena Dunham landed a $3.7 million advance for her upcoming book Not That Kind of Girl which she’ll promote with an 11-city tour at a cost of $38 per ticket. It will feature a variety of artists who won’t see a dime of that money because their art isn’t special like her writing art, so they can eat bags of (leftover) dicks. The New York Times reports via Gawker:

Last month, the writer, actor and producer Lena Dunham started an ambitious project. Nearly 600 people responded to an open call for video auditions on her website, including a sand artist, a ukulele player, a cappella singers, gymnasts, performance artists and stand-up comics, even some exceptionally charismatic babies.
The seven who made the final cut won’t be making cameos in “Girls,” Ms. Dunham’s HBO show about Brooklyn 20-somethings. Instead, they’ll be the warm-up acts — performing free of charge — on an elaborately produced, 11-city tour to promote Ms. Dunham’s new book, “Not That Kind of Girl.”

If there’s one thing millenials rightly complain about it, it’s being trapped in a cycle of unpaid internships and/or working for free with promises of “exposures.” So it only seems fitting that their voice would piss right in their faces because she was born rich and couldn’t give less fucks. Plus Lena Dunham needs that money to buy giant bow-tie.. things which is why you never trust anyone who wears the same twee shit as you. (Write that down.)

UPDATE: And look who’s suddenly concerned with compensating artists.

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Photo: Getty

Kelly Brook’s Single Again

September 29th, 2014 // 24 Comments

Kelly Brook and David McIntosh reportedly broke up and surprisingly the reason wasn’t, “His dick was a boner all the time,” which would make sense, but according to the Daily Mail, it’s because he cheated on her giant, awesome breasts which doesn’t make sense. Maybe I’m putting too much emphasis on them, but if they told me to wage jihad, I’d start taking pilot lessons. That’s just me and my ability to commit if Kelly happens to be reading this. And skipping that jihad part. They make me put that in there.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

Emily Ratajkowski & Reese Witherspoon In Red

September 29th, 2014 // 18 Comments

You’re probably thinking it’s a dick move to put Reese Witherspoon in a gallery with Emily Ratajkowski, and that I’m only doing it to make another joke about her being pregnant. And you’re right, but before I make the voices stop, I’d like to take a second to compliment Reese for holding her own even while wearing almost the exact same dress. A lesser woman would’ve shrunk from the challenge, but Reese Witherspoon not only stabbed adversity with her chin but yelled, “Fuck you, I’m pregnant!” right into its face. I saw the whole thing.

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Photos: JosiahW / MPNC / AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News