Rihanna’s Breasts Fought AIDS, Too

October 30th, 2014 // 10 Comments

Here’s Rihanna at yesterday’s amfAR Inspiration Gala where she spent the whole night saying things like, “Damn! Miley Cyrus and that mouse with an Australian accent just shot a guy with a plunger!” And, “Oh snap, that fly’s wearing a red shirt!” It really was an incredible evening. You should’ve been there.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty

Miley Cyrus Wore This To Fight AIDS

October 30th, 2014 // 35 Comments

Because every post about misogynistic reactions to the academic discussion of sexist tropes should be followed by pics of Miley Cyrus‘ cleavage, here she is at last night’s amfAR Inspiration Gala where she helped Dale and the other Rescue Rangers stop Fat Cat with a plane made out of a bleach bottle. People could hardly believe it.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto

Stephen Colbert Takes On #GamerGate

October 30th, 2014 // 70 Comments
Stephen Colbert GamerGate
Previously In Awful
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As some of you might’ve noticed, the Edit feature is no longer available in the comments which is all thanks to #GamerGaters and their inability to gracefully lose an argument without exploiting flaws to change other users’ comments. So to celebrate that momentous turn of events, here’s Stephen Colbert joining the month-long debunking of the wiener children’s temper tantrum over “ethics in video game journalism.” And if you’re wondering what the hell that even means, it’s a cry to go back to when gaming sites were basically the PR arm of game studios who blew their audience instead of telling them to grow the fuck up when they turn into violent shitheads. On top of that, Team Journalism here thinks the real corruption is coming from small, independent game developers with virtually zero resources, and not, oh I dunno, the publishers of AAA titles with vast marketing budgets who trot out the same shit over and over again. You guys really Edward R. Murrow‘d the fuck out of that one. Well played.

Stephen Colbert On GamerGate After The Jump

Good Morning, Cassie Cardelle, And Other News

October 30th, 2014 // 4 Comments

- How long was Katie Holmes in that reeducation trailer? It’s time to start asking. [Lainey Gossip]

- Amanda Bynes parents got another conservatorship. Try not to fuck it up this time. [Dlisted]

- Redheads Are Really Bringing The Love This Week [theCHIVE]

- Brandi Glanville bashes everyone on Real Housewives. [tooFAB]

- Lactating breasts are weapons now. This is how the Germans will defeat us. [The Frisky]

- Goddamn, Xenia Deli… [WWTDD]

- Duck Dynasty: “People didn’t agree with us! It’s Nazi Germany again!” [Death and Taxes]

- Nina Agdal in a bikini. [Popoholic]

- Dean McDermott is still a shitbag. [Fishwrapper]

- Alyssa Barbara is the hottest Canadian. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Sara Malakul does Thai Playboy. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Fame/Flynet

No Shit Gwyneth Paltrow Broke Up Chris Martin & Jennifer Lawrence

October 29th, 2014 // 24 Comments
R.I.P. Martin Lawrence
Jennifer Lawrence Buttcheeks Legs See Through Dress The Hunger Games Catching Fire LA Premiere
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The very second Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin broke up, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out it probably had to do with the woman he’s technically still married to who also has a giant ego that’s about to get her face baked into a quiche. So let’s get this other with. Via Radar:

Gwyneth always pressured Chris to spend more time with Apple and Moses,” the source revealed. “The kids would constantly call Chris when he was with Jennifer, and whatever they were doing would have to come to a standstill. There was always the expectation from Gwyneth that Chris should spend even more time with the kids.”

Having the kids call while they’re trying to fuck? Quintessential GOOP. And just in case you think this is all bullshit, here’s fucking PEOPLE magazine entering the fray which is a pretty good sign that Jennifer Lawrence’s publicist has orders to kill:

Another insider confirms that it was Lawrence who ended the relationship – for a couple of reasons.
“She broke it off with Chris,” the insider says. “She was tired of the spotlight on their relationship and she also thought that Chris and Gwyneth were a little too close for comfort. It was an odd situation for her.”

When reached for comment, Chris Martin responded, “The children! Oh my, the children. I love the children so much. (She sewed a bomb into my head.) They’re such beautiful British children who I would never, ever give fast food to. (If you fashion a crude lead helmet, she can’t detonate it.) I just want to be with them all the time and never nubile, young actresses with their pornographic tendencies. What a silly sort. (Quickly, man!)”

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Photos: Getty

And Now Wacky Hijinks With The Avengers

October 29th, 2014 // 11 Comments
Avengers Age of Ultron Thor's Hammer
WATCH: 'Avengers: Age of Ultron' Special Look
Black Panther, Bitches
Chadwick Boseman Black Panther
And Captain Marvel. BAM! SUCK IT, DC. Read More »

For a change of scenery after two posts about how fucked we are as a society, here’s the extra footage from The Avengers: Age of Ultron that Marvel scrambled together for last night’s Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. after the full trailer leaked last week leaving with them nothing to trick people into watching the show with. Except you’ll notice it’s literally just an extra scene tacked onto the front of the trailer you already saw, but it does have the hilarious subtext of how hard it would be to jerk Thor off. Unless you’re Captain America who apparently stands the greatest chance which, let me tell you, does not go unnoticed by Thor. He’s all like, “Whaaaa? Maintain, maintain. — Those arms though.” (This is how Fifty Shades of Grey got started isn’t it? Goddammit.)

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Kim Kardashian Compared Herself To ‘I Love Lucy’

October 29th, 2014 // 54 Comments
Kim's Demands Sound Legit
Kim Kardashian Huge Disgusting Fat Ass Jean Shorts Backless Shirt Kanye West
The Grift Is Strong With This One Read More »

Once you’ve written about one reality show and the empty, mammoth husks of humanity that star in them, you kind of want to write about them all. So here’s Kim Kardashian literally comparing Keeping Up With The Kardashians to I Love Lucy with a straight face. Although, it’s not like she could move it if she wanted to. Via Gossip Cop:

Speaking at the Re/Code Code Mobile conference on Monday, the reality star complained that her success is viewed as inferior to that of other celebrities.
Kardashian was first asked why people don’t take her seriously. She replied, “That is a question that sometimes I get frustrated with. I pride myself in my work ethic and I work really hard.”
Kardashian went on, “I think sometimes that when people hear that I might have gotten success off of a ‘reality show,’ they take that as a negative. We’re filming our tenth season. We’ve had nine seasons of spinoffs. We have more episodes than ‘I Love Lucy.’ We have so many milestones that people don’t think about.” She further declared, “I don’t think reality TV gets the respect it deserves.”

I Love Lucy was a scripted show that required brilliant writing and equally brilliant actors to pull of the comedic timing just right which is why it’s regarded as one of the most beloved timeless classics in TV history. Keeping Up With The Kardashians is a show where vapid, wealthy shitheads go shopping while cameras follow them around. And sometimes they eat salad. That’s basically it. As for the respect it deserves, you’re in the same genre as vagina clown cars, the cults that fly out of them, and walrus swamp people who let pedophiles near their kids. You just happen to be the fancier freak show, and I’m only saying that because the whole child molester thing really lowered the bar here. You couldn’t have picked a better time to pull this.

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Photos: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Splash News