Let me just start off by saying, yes, I completely understand and appreciate that teaching children to be multilingual at a young age improves cognition which is why Europeans stare at us the same way we watch Honey Boo Boo put more butter in her s’getti. That said, it still doesn’t make it less bourgeois horseshittery in taupe when Gwyneth Paltrow does it, and I shan’t be a party to discourse that suggests otherwise. I SHAN’T BE A PARTY. Us Weekly reports:
Gwyneth Paltrow wants her kids Apple, 9, and Moses, 7, to be well-rounded and worldly — so much so that in an effort to teach them to be bilingual, she sometimes encourages them to speak with her only in Spanish, a source reveals in the new issue of Us Weekly.
While at Cameron Diaz’s Beverly Hills home for the Oct. 12 wedding of Diaz’s assistant, Jesse Lutz, the Iron Man 3 star, 41, urged her children to put their language skills to use. “Gwyneth reminded them through the party,” a witness tells Us.
“At one point,” the onlooker says, “Apple came to her table and asked, in Spanish, if she could sit on her lap!”
In fairness, she does a similar thing at Beyonce and Uncle Jay‘s house where the children are encouraged to speak in the dialect of their hosts. Which – haha – led to this absolutely ribald conversation where – snort – Apple asked Jay Z – ohmygod I can’t – if they’re going to have another baby so they can get more money from – *bites fist* – the “gummint.” She literally said “gummint!” You had to be there. Plus it was a good question. She heard her organic couscous pop that night.
Here’s what just happened to your prototype:
Aaron Carter may want candy, but he can’t afford it anymore because TMZ has learned he’s gone belly up, filing for bankruptcy. …
According to legal docs, obtained by TMZ, Aaron’s assets total $8,232.16. Here’s the BIG problem. His liabilities total $2,204,854, which include a $31,166 AmEx bill. Aaron — who was a huge pop star and is still on tour, even tonight — also owes $1,368,140 mil to the IRS.
On second thought, I’m sure this’ll never happen to you. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Forget I spoke.
During his interview with BBC Radio 1 in September, Kanye West described himself as Vanellope von Schweetz from Wreck-It Ralph. Except now he’s seen 12 Years A Slave, so he’d like to change it to that now. He’s the guy from that movie now. Via Radar Online:
“For me, I felt like the main character. In what I’m dealing with even as a mega-popular-rich-celebrity-f**k-you-who-do-you-think-you-are-to-complain-about-anything situation that I’m in, or in the past when I’ve dealt with attempting to create in other fields or in clothing, I’ve kind of been in this campaign that started with, ironically, my song, “New Slaves” where I was sitting in Paris and dealing with all of these companies that I promoted and I saw my friends promoted, and the reason literally why they would sell on Barney’s floors, is because me and Jay Z, everyone wore it,” West rambled.
“And it will be something that I sort of discovered maybe four years before that… putting it on trend. And then you start just doing more research and say, hey, I want to be part of the creative conversation and be able to make money off of that also, and they stop you right there and say, you can’t be a part of that conversation, or they give you a one-off, like, Louis Vuitton I did one shoe and Nike I did two shoes where they spread ‘em apart over four years and they had like, the most impact possible.
“And I kind of saw that side of what it was as a creative to be free, as the parallel of the main character in 12 Years A Slave. And then when it was taken away from me it felt like what it felt like as a creative to be enslaved, to have all of these ideas for product, things you were talking about earlier.”
And just in case the gravity of how fucking ridiculous every word out of Kanye’s mouth was isn’t immediately apparent, here’s the Wikipedia synopsis of the main character Solomon Northup‘s life which, by the way, is a true story and not a fictional candy princess this time because Kanye’s shitting on the very fabric of reality now. Just shitting right on it: More »
Alright, Internet, I’m going to say some things about your girlfriend, and I understand if it costs me a wedding invitation, but I only make with the real talk because I love. Long before Jennifer Lawrence started telling humorous anecdotes about shitting herself, there was another attractive blonde, also named Jenny, who liked to tell stories about pooping herself, too. Everyone thought it was so hilarious and that she was so hot, and then a bunch of kids died from diseases that had no business existing out of the 1920s. Not that I’m saying that’s going to happen here, but just be careful. Your father and I worry about you.
Jennifer Lawrence Talks About Shitting Her Pants After The Jump
Let’s start from the beginning. Three weeks ago, Chris Brown was arrested for allegedly assaulting a man for photobombing him – Yup. – then preemptively checked himself into rehab for anger management to try and duck violating his probation. Barely two weeks later, Chris’ lawyer told everyone he voluntarily checked himself out to finish the community service he was ordered to complete after getting caught faking his community service in Virginia that was part of his sentence for beating the shit out of Rihanna. Which actually sounded reasonable to me at the time because no one ordered Chris Brown to go to rehab, it was a transparent Hail Mary to duck going to jail, and he legitimately had community service to complete. So naturally it turned out he was kicked out of the facility for throwing a rock through his mom’s car window because Chris Brown is a violent shithead. TMZ reports:
We just got hold of the probation report in the Rihanna case, which outlines what happened during his 13 days in a Malibu rehab joint for anger management counseling.
According to the report, Chris’ mom showed up for a family session and was urging her son to stay in the facility for extended treatment. Apparently, Chris violently disagreed with her and in a fit of anger threw a rock through her car window, shattering it.
Fortunately, this was a smart move by Chris Brown because by telling his mom to fuck off and chucking a rock at car like a goddamn two-year-old to prove he doesn’t need anger management, he was court ordered yesterday to serve 90 days in a live-in rehab for exactly that. Because the thing you don’t know about Breezy is, he plays three-dimensional chess. More »
- Sean Penn and Alec Baldwin need to go live on Rage Island. [Lainey Gossip]
- Let’s keep Hump Day rolling with Bryana Holly. [theCHIVE]
- Will Smith just shows up in Justin Bieber‘s room in the middle of the night. [Dlisted]
- Which probably explains why his children are still shitheads. [Fishwrapper]
- The Change.org petition to end all Change.org petitions. Literally. [The Daily Banter]
- Kristen Bell is a Disney Princess now. [tooFab]
- The Best Advice To A Homophobic Parent That’s Ever Been Given [BuzzFeed]
- Hel-the-fuck-lo, Violet Budd… [Popoholic]
- Kelly Brook is still the perfect wom- Oh, right, Jeremy Piven. Fuck. [Hollywood Tuna]
- Maryna Linchuk is really starting to get my attention. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Unless you want herpes, buy your own damn copy of Fifty Shades of Grey. [FilmDrunk]
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