Daisy Lowe Won The GQ Men of The Year Awards

September 3rd, 2014 // 14 Comments

You might hear some talk about some other woman winning at The GQ Men of The Year Awards in London last night, but that information is bullshit because Daisy Lowe‘s breasts destroyed anything and everything in their path. One of them even controls Parliament now. Or will once they’re aware of my Doomsday Device. Photo Boy ready the zeppelin! (Can you tell I’m writing whatever bullshit pops into my head before the servers fart out again? Well, stop, because you should be looking at the boobs. Time is a factor.)

Photos: AKM-GSI, Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Good Morning, Petra Benova, And Other News

September 3rd, 2014 // 7 Comments

- Chris Martin was with Gwyneth Paltrow during The Fappening. Interesting… [Lainey Gossip]

- Chris Brown apparently can admit guilt. [Dlisted]

- Wait. Why are you looking at hair? [theCHIVE]

- And now 17-year-old Katy Perry: Christian music artist. [Fishwrapper]

- ‘Hey! Listen!’ Women Have Been Gaming For Decades [The Frisky]

- Good God, Hannah Ferguson. [Popoholic]

- RIP, Russian Space Sex Geckos. [Death and Taxes]

- Apple says The Fappening isn’t their fault. [Starpulse]

- Adam Levine‘s making music videos with Behati Prinsloo now. [tooFab]

- Kelly Brook’s 2015 Calendar Preview [Hollywood Tuna]

- Kendall Jenner did the Ice Bucket Challenge in a bikini. Of course. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Splash News

January Jones Wants Fat Jews To Drink Her Butt Sweat

September 2nd, 2014 // 3 Comments

Over the weekend, we basically saw everybody naked. More specifically Kate Upton, so I don’t even know what to do with my life anymore because I’m pretty sure it just peaked. Anyway, now January Jones is going around telling fat Jews she’s flattered that they want to drink her butt water because we’re living in the Apocalypse. It’s the goddamn end of days, and before you even say it, yes, the pop-up video on the bottom right probably caused it. I warned them this would happen, but nooooo, “third quarter revenues blah blah blah.” Via Uproxx:

What does it say about me that not only did this comment from @thefatjewish not offend me, it flattered me. And I try not to sweat at a rule so that’s saying something. #lightenup

You can see thefatjewish‘s comment below which January posted to Instagram in a shocking display of personality and longing for human contact. I just assumed she communicated through a series of icicles and child-killing glares, so now my entire world is even more upside down. Hold me.

January Jones’ Butt Water Is Yours To Desire After The Jump

Error Establishing A Database Connection?

September 2nd, 2014 // 23 Comments

Luther Desk Flip

And I’m taking a breather. See you guys later tonight, maybe tomorrow. It’s a mystery.

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CeeLo Green Is The Raping Machine

September 2nd, 2014 // 26 Comments
CeeLo Green
And Cancelled
Maybe Stop Tweeting About Rape. Just A Thought. Read More »

After Kanye and Bieber, I hate to rag on a third black guy in a row, but Jesus Christ, CeeLo. Barely 72 hours after pleading no contest to slipping ecstasy into a woman’s drink in 2012, he apparently thought it’d be a great idea to go on Twitter and say rape doesn’t count if the person is unconscious. Yup. Via Buzzfeed who screencapped the fuck out of this before it was deleted:

- if someone is passed out they’re not even WITH you consciously! so WITH implies consent
- women who have really been raped REMEMBER!!!

Fortunately, he stopped after that and didn’t dig himself even deeper. — Haha! Just kidding. He totally did: More »

Take Pictures Of My Boy #BBare And You Get Your Shit Crashed Into, Son

September 2nd, 2014 // 16 Comments
Back Up Off Dat Skeeball
Justin Bieber Instagram
Dave & Busters Belongs To #BBare Read More »

Picture dis: You’re riding your ATV across da Canadian sunset wit #YoBestHo behind you, rubbin’ her fake titties all over yo back when outta nowhere, mothafuckin paparazzi show up in a minivan and start takin’ pictures! Now do you: A. Keep ridin’ dat ho in da sunset. 2. Tell them mothafuckas to step off. Or G. Show dem who’s da hardest, blackest dawg dis side of Ontario-town? Run dat fuckin’ mouth, Bitch-Harv:

Justin Bieber got arrested in Canada after crashing his ATV into a minivan driven by paparazzi … TMZ has learned — and he now faces charges of dangerous driving and assault.
Bieber was taken into custody Friday afternoon in Perth County, Ontario. Police say there was a physical altercation between Justin and a paparazzo in the minivan … after they had the collision.

Now it’s a fact, mothafuckas be dyin’ all over the place from ridin’ dem ATVs, but only one gangsta can straight smash dat shit into a MINIVAN and come out swingin’. Which, honestly, yo? Kinda freaks me dafuq out. Dat’s Satanism. I think my boy’s da devil. The other day I heard him talkin’ in this deep voice sayin’ shit like, “SOON, I SHALL REAP THE WRETCHED SOULS OF THIS LAND INTO MY UNHOLY ARMY,” and “NOW IS THE TIME WHERE I HARVEST YOUR PUSSY,” but that last one coulda been Selena Gomez talkin’. Shit was dark, nigga.

Photos: Pacific Coast News

Kanye West Went Off On Jay Pharoah About His VMAs Jokes, Of Course

September 2nd, 2014 // 23 Comments
'Yo, My Dad's A Pap'
Kim Kardashian Breasts Kanye
I'm Sorry, Come Again? Read More »

During the VMAs, comedian Jay Pharoah did an impression of Kanye West, so naturally Kanye got all kinds of fucked off because he’s the most serious subject in the world and his “vision” should never be distracted from or some stupid horseshit. So here he is bitching to the crowd at the Made in America festival in Philly over the weekend. Us Weekly reports:

“They want to make a joke out of how hard we work,” Kim Kardashian’s husband said while on stage at the Jay Z hosted event referring to Pharoah and one of South Park’s recent spoofs. “It’s fine and all funny and everything, but don’t distract from our vision. It’s not a joke what we do up here. This music that we do is not a joke. What we do culturally is not a joke.”

You’ll also be surprised to learn he doesn’t appreciate jokes about his marriage to Kim Kardashian because apparently theirs is the first and most important interracial marriage to ever happen in America and not, oh I dunno, her third:

“For me to be in a very publicized interracial relationship is not a joke,” he told the crowd of his new marriage. “It’s something that should be treated with respect cause we’re all in this together.”

And by respect he means we should all watch the season finale of Keeping Up With The Kardashians where his real, genuine ceremony of love was manufactured and scripted for a reality TV show. And by we’re all in this together, I think he’s trying to say everyone’s married Kim (fair statement), so he shouldn’t be the only one to eventually pay child support. Not so fast, Vision Quest.

Kanye West Rants At Made In America After The Jump