That’s Kate Upton’s Butt

November 3rd, 2014 // 19 Comments

And now back to Celebrity’s Underwear, Can I See Them? Here’s Kate Upton‘s skirt flying up while she poses in front of a wind machine in Miami. Which, yes, is pretty anti-climactic after seeing her naked*wipes SEO off chin* – but at the same time, the post before this had a picture of Lena Dunham‘s face, so I know at least half of your penises screamed “OH THANK GOD!” before exploding into dust. On that note, do powder-burns come out of pajama pants? Asking for a friend.

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Photos: FameFlynet

Lena Dunham Didn’t Molest Her Sister, STFU

November 3rd, 2014 // 87 Comments
Lena Dunham
Previously In Lena Dunham
Lena Dunham Topless
NO GOD WHY PLEASE STOP!! Read More »

I don’t care for Lena Dunham. I don’t like Girls. I don’t think she’s some bold, fresh feminist voice as much as a bourgeois Bohemian high on her own farts. And if I’m being a frank, asshole purveyor of an Internet boob site, her constantly naked box-body offends me. That being said, you have to be a complete fucking idiot to think she molested her little sister. An accusation that started in the right-wing echo chamber after Truth in Revolt aggregated a National Review article referencing passages from Not That Kind of Girl where Lena Dunham way too openly, and more than likely overly-fictitiously, details her early days of sexual curiosity with her body as well her younger sister’s. Which is completely normal shit, but we’ll get back to how she fucked that all up in a minute. So during their initial post, Truth in Revolt who incorrectly reported Lena’s age as 17 during her “exploration” with her toddler sister when really she was seven which makes a world of difference. Except it was too late for a correction, which Truth In Revolt did add to the post, because by then the lie was already out, and now my site, and I’m sure countless others, are flooded with jackass trolls accusing Lena Dunham of being a child molester because “these feminist bitches have to go down.” And the amazing part is that there are dozens of legitimate criticisms to be made about Lena Dunham writing about her little sister’s vagina because it even made liberal feminists go, “I’m sorry, she parted what now?” but the fuckhead conservosphere jumped right to sexual abuse even though these are the same assholes fanning the flames of #GamerGate. Via The Frisky: More »

Rihanna Will Make You Want To Bang Raphael Now

November 3rd, 2014 // 19 Comments

The right wing media is waging a horseshit campaign to paint Lena Dunham as a child molester, but before we get to that, let’s look at Rihanna‘s tits painted like a Ninja Turtle because I’m almost positive this is the story on everyone’s mind that will define us a generation. Or make me watch the shit-ass Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie again and hope one of them grow breasts. Again. (I’m a dreamer.)

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Josiah / AKM-GSI, Splash News

It’s Heidi Klum’s Halloween Costume

November 3rd, 2014 // 12 Comments

Every Halloween Heidi Klum wears an overly elaborate costume as she’s done each year (except for last when she merely revealed her true form) since Hitler summoned her from the demonic realm to vanquish his enemies and festoon the Fatherland with topless tittery. So here she is transformed into a beautiful butterfly which I’m pretty sure was the plot of Red Dragon, so somebody make sure Heidi Klum’s not biting corpses with her dentures. She takes getting into character very seriously. In 2010, NASA caught her trying to hijack a shuttle to return to Purple Nipplelon 7. Fifteen people died.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, Josiah / STMX / Vantagenews / AKM-GSI, Splash News

Everybody Hates Chris Rock’s SNL Monologue (Ha! Get It? Like The Show)

November 3rd, 2014 // 33 Comments
Chris Rock SNL
WATCH: Chris Rock - 'SNL' Monologue

Chris Rock hosted Saturday Night Live over the weekend and during his monologue, he told some jokes about 9/11 and the Boston Marathon Bombing which is almost completely unheard of for a comedian. My socks flew right off my feet, I was so shocked. And apparently so was the Internet even though Chris Rock said absolutely nothing offensive and was making pretty clear points about American capitalism that are 100% true. Then again, if you don’t constantly speak about terrorist attacks with awe and reverence, it makes it harder to start wars against brown people in other countries that had nothing to do with it, so I can see how that might anger some people who really want those brown people dead. Why you gotta keep fucking things up for them?

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Kelly Brook’s Breasts Are The Devil And Other News

November 3rd, 2014 // 21 Comments

- Benedict Cumberbatch describes how Sherlock would fuck. Bring a change of underwear. [Lainey Gossip]

- Olivier Martinez‘s punches ruined Gabriel Aubry‘s modeling career. — I believe it. [Dlisted]

- Sunday Is A Good Day For Lingerie [theCHIVE]

- For the love of God, Tara Reid, please stop taking selfies of your crotch. [Fishwrapper]

- The Foolproof Way To Get Out Of The Friendzone: Dress Like An Asshole [The Frisky]

- Karlie Kloss is in lingerie. [WWTDD]

- “Dear Navy SEALS, stop bragging on FOX News.” – The Pentagon [Death and Taxes]

- So who wants to see Hayden Panettiere as a pregnant cat person in a bikini? [Popoholic]

- Furious 7 has a trailer. See if you can spot the strings on Paul Walker‘s corpse! [tooFab]

- Taylor Swift is a Pegacorn. [IDLYITW]

- You should know what to expect by now. [Girls In Cute Underwear]

- What’s up, Naya Rivera? [Hollywood Tuna]

- The Sexiest Social Media Pics of The Week [Celebslam]

- I do not pay enough attention to Shay Mitchell. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Splash News, Xposure/AKM-GSI

Lena Dunham’s Topless, Too, Goddammit

October 31st, 2014 // 39 Comments
Lena Dunham Topless
Previously In Topless
Chelsea Handler Topless Nipples Putin
Chelsea Handler's Breasts Are At War With Instagram Read More »

Christian conservatives like to flail their arms around and say America is becoming Nazi Germany because people sometimes disagree them and don’t go, “Why, yes, we should become a theocracy based on a 2,000 year old book that says you can stone women and gays to death. How do we make that happen?” However, if they pointed at things like, say, Lena Dunham posing topless on Instagram to impose her views on Planned Parenthood, which I actually support, I’d be more inclined to take them seriously because that sounds exactly like some shit Hitler would pull:

“Herr Fuhrer, I do not zink exterminating zee Jews is a good idea.”
“Then perhaps I can persuade you. WITH MY TITTIES!” *rips off shirt*
“No! Herr Fuhrer, please! We’ll vill vipe them out. We’ll vipe out zee whole race! Oh, God, zey’re so mishapen.”

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Photo: Instagram

Amanda Bynes Is Accusing Her Dad of Being A ‘Sexual Predator’ Again

October 31st, 2014 // 45 Comments

And here we go again. I’d like to personally dedicate this shitstorm that took less than 24 hours to form to the judge who released Amanda Bynes even after her doctors said she was “severely ill.” Well played, your honor. This couldn’t be going better. Via Twitter: More »