The Iggy Azalea ‘Vagina’ Video Is A House of Lies

November 4th, 2014 // 13 Comments
Iggy Azalea
WATCH: Iggy Azalea Splits Her Pants At A Bar Mitzvah

Here’s the Iggy Azalea vagina video making the rounds where her crotch splits while performing at a Bar Mitzvah. So theoretically the people there probably saw her vagina (“Were they… children?” Quiet, Lena Dunham!), but unless your eyes possess the ability to magically increase the resolution of shit-ass video, you can literally see more of it while she’s wearing pants. More importantly, let’s get back to the Bar Mitzvah thing because nobody told me they’re basically hiring strippers for these things. Is that why Mel Gibson is so angry? Because these kids are getting strippers while Catholic kids have to do whatever it is Catholic kids do at 13. (Deny the Holocaust to a priest’s naked penis? I’m going with deny the Holocaust to a priest’s naked penis.)

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Video: BallerAlert.com

Adrienne Bailon Tried To Save Karrueche Tran From Chris Brown

November 4th, 2014 // 20 Comments
Violent Shitbag
Chris Brown Valet Video Fight
Have We Mentioned He's A Violent Bag Of Human Excrement? Read More »

Posted by Photo Boy

Chris Brown has been violently lashing out at women ever since he violently lashed out at Rihanna, almost killing her in the process. Yet here we are, five years later, somehow still shocked at his toddler-in-a-cereal-aisle meltdowns whenever someone asks his girlfriend “Are you sure getting into that club is worth being mauled to death at some point in the very near future?” That’s why the best part of this whole Adrienne Bailon sort of talking shit on him on The Real thing is in fact his insane Instagram response which has, of course, already been deleted. Via Celebuzz:

“‘BRING THAT ASS HERE BOY’ ADRIENNE BAILON…. You ole trout mouth ass bitch. U tried it. Won’t u the same bitch that was fucking wit married men? U also was keeping up with the Kardashians! U can’t talk about relationship goals when u don’t even have life goals. Ain’t you a cheetah girl? Last time u was important niggas was riding spinners and wearing 6x talk Ts. You the same bitch having threesomes like the rest of these hoes. U tried it too Tamara Braxton. U take the role of the ugly sister. It’s always the people wit no career that talk all the shit. Dat plastic surgery fucked yo face up. Bitch look like she always saying “huh”? Muppet face ass! #basicbitchproblems #thotiannas I don’t even need a photo for Tamar, that bitch is beat in every photo! #icanmakeabrokebitchrichbutidontfuckwitbrokebitches.”

Holy shit, there’s a lot of awesome there, but in case you don’t speak.. whatever this is, here’s a breakdown: More »

Lena Dunham Cancels Book Tour Dates

November 4th, 2014 // 39 Comments
Lena Dunham
She's Not A Molester, Idiots
Lena Dunham
Gross As Shit And Desperate For Attention? Absolutely Read More »

“Ohmygod, she reminds me of my sister!” — Is Hell hot?

Yesterday, the Internet exploded over whether or not passages in Lena Dunham‘s book about early sexual curiosity (that were more than likely exaggerated) could somehow make a seven-year-old girl a child molester which is goddamn ridiculous on its face. Except now it’s resulted in Lena Dunham cancelling dates on her book tour, according to ABC News, so now you bastards have me wondering if the ends justify the means and I’ve already put way more thought into Lena Dunham than any person ever should. So let’s call this one a wash because who fucking cares anymore? As long as this doesn’t expedite Laurel becoming the Black Canary on Arrow, I don’t have a dog in this race. (Not a Lena Dunham joke. I think.) Because if Laurel does become Black Canary, I will unleash a series of calculated attacks so fierce your children will- This isn’t my private journal, isn’t it? And by mine I mean Photo Boy’s. I’ll wear a wire. He needs to be stopped. *tosses hard drive into lake*

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Photo: Getty

Emily Ratajkowski Will Sell You ‘Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare’ Now

November 4th, 2014 // 30 Comments
Emily Ratajkowski Call of Duty Trailer
WATCH: 'Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare' - Official Trailer

While today will determine the political future of our country until the presidential campaign season starts tomorrow, none of that involves tits and guns in exosuits, so America has but zero fucks to give as it prepares to celebrate today’s true holiday. So here’s Emily Ratajkowski in the new Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare trailer which is some SJW horseshit. What do SLUTS know about GAMES? (Did I do that right? I’m still learning how to speak sad little fuck.) Also, here’s Conan with a new Clueless Gamer because Activision’s marketing is that strong. Although apparently not strong enough to offer me money or even a coupon, so I don’t know why I just posted all of this. – *looks at Emily Ratajkowski’s breasts again* – Yes, my master…

‘Clueless Gamer: Call of Duty Advanced Warfare’ After The Jump

Welp, The Democrats Just Lost

November 4th, 2014 // 37 Comments

While it’s pretty much a given that today’s midterm elections will favor the Republicans because old, white people have nothing but time on their hands to vote, Kim Kardashian tweeting her support for Obama isn’t helping. You can just go ahead and call the whole thing right now. Not to mention, her “support” basically uses the President of the United States as an ad for her “Hollywood” app which should probably count as treason. Unless, of course, he’s actually in the game, and the final level involves buying the right dress so Obama will pee on you in a sex tape which would be some crazy stark realism. How is this thing not winning awards?

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Photo: AKM-GSI

Maitland Ward Meets Stan Lee And Other News

November 4th, 2014 // 25 Comments

- Here’s what Eva Mendes looks like after squeezing out a Baby Goose baby. [Lainey Gossip]

- Taylor Swift pulled all of her songs off Spotify. [Dlisted]

- The Ever-Elusive Downblouse [theCHIVE]

- Will Smith basically stalks his wife. [Fishwrapper]

- Kate Upton will start your Election Day GIFs now. [COED]

- Ryan Gosling is a porn star lumberjack now. [The Frisky]

- Goddamn, Sylvie Meis… [WWTDD]

- Bill Clinton will photobomb your child’s meltdown. [Death and Taxes]

- Selena Gomez is braless. [Popoholic]

- Matthew McConaughey used to kill armadillos for a living. Yup. [tooFab]

- Nina Agdal belongs in a bikini. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Barbara Palvin‘s topless. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: INFphoto, Splash News

‘Chicks Dig Gay Guys’ Has A Trailer

November 4th, 2014 // 5 Comments
Chicks Dig Gay Guys
WATCH: 'Chicks Dig Gay Guys' - Official Trailer

If you ask for a favor, like a good friend I’ll 100% have your back as long as it involves embedding a YouTube video to my boob blog and not lifting anything, driving anywhere, or listening to conversations that aren’t about me and even that’s debatable. So with that in mind, here’s the trailer for Chicks Dig Gay Gays starring Mindy Robinson who I just discovered last week when her butt was at the same party as Maria Menounos. Not that she’s a main character or anything, I just believe in a well-informed consumer class. It’s a passion of mine.

Chicks Dig Gay Gays – GoWatchIt

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TLC Will Pay Kids In Full For ‘Honey Boo Boo’ Episodes, Not Mama June

November 3rd, 2014 // 13 Comments
Mama June Shannon
Mama June Speaks Out
Mama June Shannon
Doesn't Answer A Goddamn Thing Read More »

“Who wants sketti, y’all?”

Exactly everything coming out of the Mama June Shannon dating the man who molested her daughter situation has been God-fucking-awful, so it’s refreshing to finally see some good news even if it doesn’t involve the words a Southern sheriff saying “Boy, fetch me mah elephant gun.” There’s still time. TMZ reports:

Sources familiar with the situation tell TMZ … TLC’s biggest concern is the welfare of Honey Boo Boo and the other kids and show execs are deeply concerned and upset that June has put them at risk by dating convicted child molester Mark McDaniel.
The network does not believe June deserves full payment, so they have deducted a significant amount from what she would have gotten if the show aired.
As for the kids … we’re told they will ALL be paid in full

As for how TLC can get away with paying June less, there’s a morality clause in her contract which I’m pretty sure covers fucking the pedophile who already molested one of your daughters and is clearly trying to get his hands on another one. There’s really not a whole lot of gray area on that one, and I just spent my entire morning reading and writing about Lena Dunham‘s little sister’s vagina, so trust me, I unfortunately know what I’m talking about. And am probably going to start smoking again because of it. *lights two cigarettes* Do you think the next world will be less kid-rapey? — Me too. *lights up third*

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Photo: New Line Cinema (h/t Johnny Barbells)