Ben Affleck’s Penis Is In A Movie

October 1st, 2014 // 12 Comments
Previously In Penis
Jared Leto Penis
Jared Leto Should Get That Looked At Read More »

Ben Affleck can’t do a single interview without being asked about Batman, but somehow he managed to crack the Internet’s secret code and started talking about his dick which is like dangling a set of keys in front of us. I don’t even know where I am anymore that’s how distracted how I am. Whose desk is this? And why are there blueprints to Hilary Duff‘s house all over it? MTV reports:

“It’s ironic, because David [Fincher] said to me from the beginning, this is a warts and all movie. It can have no vanity. You have to see the naked underbelly of this character,” Affleck continued. And yes, when he says “naked underbelly,” he means it literally as well as figuratively.
“There’s some brief, ah, very brief nudity, I think,” Affleck hedged. But when reminded that people might well be going to see “Gone Girl” for literally no other reason than to get a glimpse of his wang, he capitulated.
The penis is in there!” Affleck said. “It’s IMAX penis! You’ve gotta pay fifteen bucks to see it in 3D… it’s better in 3D.”

Later that day…

“So your dick’s in the movie, huh?”
“Wait, they made me do- oh, God, your kicks are so strong!”

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (Call, Ben Affleck. It’s time.)

Video After The Jump

So I Guess We’re Doing This And Other News

October 1st, 2014 // 22 Comments

- Everybody’s in the Magic Mike sequel now except the one person who counts. [Lainey Gossip]

- Leonardo DiCaprio has selflessly left his girlfriend to bang all the women George Clooney can’t now. [Dlisted]

- Believe In Your Selfie provided you have breasts for it. I say that as a friend. [theCHIVE]

- Jaden Smith is making weird-ass music now. [Fishwrapper]

- Tim and Eric can be bought by GE. That’s the key takeaway of that Jeff Goldblum commercial. [The Frisky]

- Mommy Blogger‘s are still awful. [WWTDD]

- Satan‘s promoting Nicolas Cage movies now. No, really. [Death and Taxes]

- BREAKING: Men ogle woman’s breasts every second of every day. [The Mighty]

- It’s Hannah Davis in a bikini, so try not to think about Derek Jeter‘s butt. [Popoholic]

- I refuse to believe Justin Bieber had sex with this. REFUSE. [tooFab]

- Kim and Kanye got booed at Fashion Week. You’re alright, France. [IDLYITW]

- Jessica Simpson wears black panties. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Jenny McCarthy and Melissa McCarthy are feuding. [Celebslam]

- Ferne McCann is trying to get in on The Fappening. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

LeAnn Rimes Might Be Cropping Herself Into Family Photos Now

September 30th, 2014 // 23 Comments
I'm Sorry, They Did What?
LeAnn Rimes Eddie Cibrian Luli Fama Fashion Show Front Row
Eddie & LeAnn Told His Sons About The Affair Read More »

As part of her ongoing war with Brandi Glanville, LeAnn Rimes may have taken her crazy to some next level shit by allegedly Photoshopping herself into a photo of Eddie Cibrian and his sons. Via Fishwrapper:

1 — The child immediately on LeAnn’s left looks cut in in two-thirds. Perfectly, flawlessly trimmed in two-thirds. I mean, have you ever actually even seen such a perfect silhouette blocking a Levi’s logo in your whole entire life? Probably not.
2 — Not quite sure what LeAnn’s resting her boot on, but it looks … well, being a non-Photoshop certified expert, the only terminology acceptable is “off.” Something about that floating boot looks off.
3 — We all know that LeAnn fancies herself something of a deity, but even deities cast shadows sometimes, don’t they? And I dunno about you, but I’m not seeing much of a shadow cast by LeAnn’s body anywhere, unlike that of Jake, Mason, and Eddie.

While all of that is compelling evidence, if you look close enough, I’m pretty sure the one kid (I’m not learning their names. Fuck you.) is touching LeAnn Rimes’ ass which he’d never do with Brandi Glanville, so who’s Mother of the Year now, bitch? POW.

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Photo: Twitter

Michael Phelps Arrested For DUI

September 30th, 2014 // 11 Comments
Michael Phelps
Previously In Sports
Jonathan Dwyer Arizona Cardinals
Jesus Christ,
The NFL... Read More »

Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps was arrested this morning for DUI after driving almost 40 mph over the speed limit while almost twice the legal limit. TMZ reports:

Our sources tell us … the USA Olympic legend was pulled over around 1:40 AM in his white Land Rover. We’re told he bombed his field sobriety test … and his B.A.C. was almost twice the legal limit.
Officials just issued a statement saying Phelps was initially pulled over for going 84 in a 45 … and during the stop, the officer noticed he was hammered.

Keep in mind, Michael Phelps is really good at swimming, and since swimming is (kind of) a sport, we as a society have deemed fit to see that he receives millions of dollars so he can afford the best legal counsel and face little to no consequences for his actions. So don’t question sports or what people in sports do whenever they’re not in the place where the sports happen. It doesn’t count unless it’s sports.

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Photo: Getty

Lena Dunham Believes In Paying Artists Now

September 30th, 2014 // 20 Comments
Lena Dunham

After being called out by the New York Times and Gawker for not paying artists to perform during a promotional tour for the book she was paid a $3.7 million advance to write on top of charging people $38 more to see her talk about it, Lena Dunham has decided okay, maybe artists should be paid for their work. Via Twitter: More »

Jennifer Love Hewitt Sending Matt Damon A Bed Is Exactly How It Sounds

September 30th, 2014 // 10 Comments
Jennifer Love Hewitt Jimmy Kimmel
WATCH: Jennifer Love Hewitt Sent Matt Damon A Bed
Previously In Crazy
Amanda Bynes Telly Video
The Old Amanda Bynes Is Back Read More »

I often joke about how Jennifer Love Hewitt is a man-crazy mental patient hell-bent on doing whatever it takes to find her soulmate so she can climb into his carcass forever making them one. And that’s because it’s true and will apparently be the death of Matt Damon. Via Celebuzz:

I was reading an article, and he said this really sad thing about how all his dreams were coming true but he didn’t feel that he had a bed of his own, he was always traveling. I remember being really busy also and thinking, that’s so sad, to have all your dreams come true but not have a solid foundation. So for some reason, I though an aerobed would help that for him. In my head, I thought, He can travel with it, then it’s always his safe place. I didn’t go over it with anyone, I should’ve been like, “Hey, should I send this to Matt Damon?” and they would’ve been like, “No, you’re crazy, don’t do it!” But I didn’t, so I got the information he was in Paris, filming something, so I sent it to Paris.

Shockingly, Matt Damon never sent Jennifer Love Hewitt a “Thank You” card. However, he did ask me to deliver this message: “Dear Jennifer Love Hewitt, I changed my name to Justin Bieber and lost a bunch of weight so we can be together forever. Wanna cuddle?”

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Adam Levine & Behati Prinsloo Are Banging While Covered In Blood

September 30th, 2014 // 18 Comments

Here’s the video for “Animals” which features Adam Levine stalking his wife Behati Prinsloo like a hipster serial killer before banging her naked body covered in blood. It’s the sexual fantasy of any healthy marriage provided your husband wants to fuck himself even harder in a meat locker which is also the vibe I got from this. “Yeah, yeah, what’s her face’s naked, but did you see how much I want me? Fucking hot, right?”

Maroon 5 ‘Animals’ Video After The Jump

The Old Amanda Bynes Is Back

September 30th, 2014 // 28 Comments
Amanda Bynes Telly Video
WATCH: This Is How Amanda Bynes 'Gets Ready'

I gave Amanda Bynes‘ parents a lot of shit about their conservatorship because they seemed to be more concerned about her money and a little too quick to blame everything on weed instead of admitting she has a severe mental illness. However, to their credit, they did manage to keep her under wraps without a single driveway being exploded or reports of a Rolling Bong of Death terrorizing downtown. Except the conservatorship ended earlier this month and it took her all of three weeks to get arrested for DUI, so before I go any further, GET OUT OF THE ROAD. TMZ reports:

Amanda Bynes was arrested in Los Angeles Sunday after cops determined she was driving under the influence … and our law enforcement sources say she was on a STIMULANT … but we’re told she has also developed a serious weed problem … again.
Here’s what we know — Bynes was driving a Mercedes in the San Fernando Valley when she stopped in the middle of an intersection on Van Nuys Blvd.

We’re told Amanda has moved out of her parents home and is now living in an Orange County apartment. We’re told she has been smoking weed for weeks and things are bad again.

According to TMZ, Amanda was high on Adderall and from the sound of things, keeping her shit together for the past year had to be a goddamn chore because her parents basically let the conservatorship expire and are convincing themselves she’s all better now: More »