Good Morning, Giant Cow Udders, And Other News

July 3rd, 2014 // 21 Comments

- Ryan Gosling fucking hated working with Rachel McAdams on The Notebook. [Lainey Gossip]

- Tori & Dean landed ANOTHER reality show. Fuck this entire world. [Dlisted]

- “Real Life Elsa” Anna Faith poses for Chive. [theCHIVE]

- Cameron Diaz doesn’t give a fuck about having kids. [Fishwrapper]

- WWE Diva Emma stole an iPad case from Walmart, is no longer a Diva. [WWTDD]

- That’s a man, baby. [Popoholic]

- Jewel‘s single, everybody who’s still trapped in 1998. [Starpulse]

- Melissa Joan Hart is still posting swimsuit pics. [tooFab]

- Good God, Tetyana Veryovkina. [Hollywood Tuna]

- This probably isn’t Lily Allen‘s vagina, but you’ll still click anyway. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Splash News

Shia LaBeouf Isn’t In Rehab, He’s In AA

July 2nd, 2014 // 12 Comments
Shia LaBeouf AA

Following his arrest for playing Marlboro Man Grab-Ass during a production of Cabaret, there were reports that Shia LaBeouf checked into rehab. Which apparently isn’t true, but his rep told TMZ he is attending AA meetings now making the real story here that Shia LaBeouf somehow has a rep. What the hell is that job like? “Sir, sir, I’m sure it looked like my client was trying to steal a homeless man’s food, but maybe the homeless man agreed to be hunted for sport? They do that sometimes. I saw a documentary on it with Ice-T. Riveting, stuff, just riveting. Now, if you’ll excuse, Mr. LaBeouf has a 10:30 restaurant pissing to attend. He’s quite European, you know.”

Photo: Splash News

Lindsay Lohan Actually Sued ‘Grand Theft Auto V’

July 2nd, 2014 // 36 Comments
There Is No God
Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Groped By Charlie Sheen Scary Movie 5
Lindsay Lohan Made It To 28 Read More »

As a bizarre 28th birthday present to herself, Lindsay Lohan officially filed her lawsuit against the makers of Grand Theft Auto V this morning despite it being proven completely horseshit back in December when she was drumming up press. Yahoo! Finance reports:

Lohan’s suit says a character named Lacey Jonas is an “unequivocal” reference to the “Mean Girls” and “Freaky Friday” star.
The suit says Lohan’s image, voice and styles from her clothing line are depicted. It says the game features West Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont hotel, where Lohan once lived.

I’m not going to waste my time going over this again, but to anyone even remotely familiar with celebrities, the character is a blatant satirical mash-up of Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and, yes, Lindsay Lohan who are all public figures and subject to such. As for the game featuring Chateau Marmont, it has, again, a satirical version of it – with a completely different name – and I know Lindsay would love to believe she’s super synonymous with the place, but literally every fucking celebrity in Hollywood parties and stays there at any given moment. As for why her lawyer hasn’t explained to her that this case is dead right out of the gate, sometimes it’s fun to work pro bono. (Pro bono is Latin for “bongs the dick,” right? I could never make it through John Grisham novels.)

Photos: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Kendra’s Breasts Aren’t Wearing A Wedding Ring

July 2nd, 2014 // 18 Comments
Kendra's Moving Out
Kendra Wilkinson Bikini
Beats Growing
A Penis Read More »

Yesterday, because we’re in the middle of the whiz-bang, non-stop action vortex of the days before a holiday weekend, I posted about Kendra Wilkinson flushing her wedding ring down the toilet because it was given to her by a man who swore solemn vows of faithfulness only to turn around and give a transsexual $500 in exchange for mutual handjobs. It was a taut thriller as much as it was a childhood limerick. And now here she is in public without said ring even though just 30 seconds of conversations with Kendra would make “maybe she swallowed it” the most likely scenario. Regardless, there are at least five other more important things my trained eye noticed in these photographs: More »

Beyonce’s Changing Song Lyrics To Make It Sound Like Jay Z Cheated On Her Now

July 2nd, 2014 // 11 Comments
Beyonce Faces Are Back
Beyonce Butt Jay Z On The Run Tour Opening Night
Her Publicist Should Love These Read More »

It sounds like Beyonce could really use that yoga weekend with Gwyneth Paltrow – I’m joking. That’s Nazi shit. – because apparently she’s changing song lyrics to make it sound like Jay Z definitely cheated on her. And did I mention she’s doing this while she’s on tour with him? She’s doing this while she’s on tour with him. Via Jezebel:

The original lyrics are, “I’ll always remember feeling like I was no good / Like I couldn’t do it for you like your mistress could/Been ridin’ with you for six years [...] I gotta look at her in her eyes and see she’s had half of me.”
The lyrics she performed are — with changes in bold, “I’ll always remember feeling like I was no good / Like I couldn’t do it for you like that wack bitch could/Been ridin’ with you for twelve years [...] I gotta look at her in her eyes and see she’s had half of me. She ain’t even half of me. That bitch will never be.”

When reached for comment, Jay Z said, “Lyrics? Shit, man, I just stare at her ass when I’m up there. She been saying words all them times? Damn. That’s the strangest thing any mothafucka’s ever told me. Bitch’s song got words. Like real ones? In English? Damn…”

Photos: Getty

Kendall Jenner & Hailey Baldwin Are In Bikinis

July 2nd, 2014 // 21 Comments

Here’s Kendall Jenner and Hailey Baldwin (Who spent an unusual amount of time staring at and photographing Kendall’s butt. Her father should pray for her.) paddleboarding in The Hamptons yesterday where they were somehow spotted and identified by the paparazzi from 8,000 yards away. Which almost makes you think they were tipped off, but who’d be dead enough inside to say, “Hey, you busy? Why don’t you drive two hours from the city and take pictures of my kid’s 18-year-old ass and her underage friend.” I don’t even think Satan would do that, and his daughter’s hot. — Get it? Hot? Hell? I’ll be in the garage with the car running.

Photos: AKM-GSI, Pacific Coast News

Lindsay Lohan Made It To 28

July 2nd, 2014 // 16 Comments
This Shouldn't Take Forever
Lindsay Lohan Topless Canyons
Lindsay Wants To Laser Off Her Freckles Read More »

This right here. This is what I’m talking about. No one could survive that.

Because God looked down upon the cockroach and said, “Lo, shall you persevere against insurmountable odds and spread blowjays across the earth for all eternity as penance for your bespeckled form which is a blight upon my eyes,” Lindsay Lohan turned 28 today officially making her ineligible for The 27 Club even though that’s predominantly reserved for musicians and people with talent, so I never really got that joke. Anyway, while I’ve been repeatedly frustrated by her penchant for survival as others pass on, I should probably take comfort in knowing I’ll still have a job after some religion bombs us all to shit trying to destroy another one. The posts will practically write themselves. “So you’ll never guess who was late to the decontamination dome today. I’ll give you a hint: She has three legs and blows mutated snails for yellow-coke because it’s the good kind with the uranium in it.”

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, Splash News, WENN

Good Evening, Michelle Hunziker, And Other News

July 1st, 2014 // 4 Comments

[Ed. Note: A third of you will start tapping out by tomorrow afternoon, so I'mma put this up tonight. - SW]

- Jennifer Lopez‘s new album isn’t doing well. I blame Casper Smart. [Lainey Gossip]

- The rapper who cut his dick off wants to do porn now. America, ain’t it grand? [Dlisted]

- Nothing Beats A Woman’s POV [theCHIVE]

- Adam Richman just douched his way out of a job. [Fishwrapper]

- People fucking hate the Cheerleader Game Hunter or whatever she’s called. [The Frisky]

- Megan Fox poses for Cosmo. [Popoholic]

- Hot Babe of the Day: Pia Toscano [Starpulse]

- Horrible Bosses 2 has a trailer. [tooFab]

- Hel-the-fuck-lo, Holland Roden. [IDLYITW]

- Kimberley Garner‘s side-boob > Kim Kardashian‘s side-boob. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Jill Martin‘s in a bikini again. [Celebslam]

- Jesus Christ, Genevieve Morton. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Splash News