Jan Hooks Died (1957 – 2014)

October 10th, 2014 // 39 Comments
Jan Hooks

Growing up, we didn’t have cable until I was 12 or 13 which would’ve been around 1992-93. I remember geeking out every time we went to my grandparent’s house because they could afford it and I’d watch Nickelodeon for fucking hours. Anyway, with both my parents working this left me with unfettered access to Comedy Central, a burgeoning new channel that for years was nothing but SNL reruns, The Kids In The Hall and Mystery Science Theater 3000 which I devoured the shit out of. And thanks to that, I saw some classic comedians perform like SNL veteran Jan Hooks who died yesterday at 57. So this post is a moment for her, and a thanks for playing a part in my developing years becoming a wiseass (underneath celebrity boobs).

Rest in Peace.

Jan Hooks In ‘Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure’ After The Jump

Shonda Rhimes Doesn’t Put Up With ‘Heigls’

October 9th, 2014 // 18 Comments
She Can't Hurt You Now
Katherine Heigl Resting Bitchface NBC Universal Summer TCA Tour
Ask Her How Difficult She Is Read More »

In case you’re not sure how deeply and openly Hollywood hates Katherine Heigl, or simply enjoy a reminder to lift your spirits like I do, here’s Scandal creator Shonda Rhimes telling The Hollywood Reporter the lessons she’s learned from working on Grey’s Anatomy:

By all accounts, Rhimes runs a tighter ship today.
Although her perfectionist tendencies coupled with Scandal‘s breakneck story pace can wreak havoc on deadlines — “We’re always behind,” she admits — the operation runs smoothly and the cast is tight-knit. “There are no Heigls in this situation,” she says, choosing her words carefully. She adds later of her “no assholes” policy: “I don’t put up with bullshit or nasty people. I don’t have time for it.”

I’ve honestly never watched a single episode of Shonda Rhimes shows because they don’t have superheroes in them going PEW PEW PEW, but after today, I promise to put at least one of them in my Netflix queue and think about watching it one day. That’s literally my highest honor, and I don’t just hand it out lightly. *looks at queue, notices Once Upon A Time* Or I do all the time because I’m a whore. Abandon post!

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Photo: Getty

Turn Kylie Jenner Into A Mini-Kim, Why Not?

October 9th, 2014 // 42 Comments

Because every mother should carve their youngest daughter into an exact replica of their most profitable one for future sex tape sales, here’s Kylie Jenner showing off her new collagen lips on top of whatever the hell else is being done to her face. In the meantime, how isn’t PETA all over this? Clearly these people are testing this shit on Khloe first, or does that only count when it’s cute, little bunnies and not the noble guardian of the forest? Who else is going to keep the Wendigo at bay? The duck-billed platypus? They’re all assholes.

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Photos: Instagram

Amanda Bynes Caught Shoplifiting Twice In One Day

October 9th, 2014 // 21 Comments
Nothing Alarming Here
Amanda Bynes Possible Engagement Ring
'There's A Microchip In My Head' Read More »

So the first time Amanda Bynes was caught shoplifting yesterday, it could’ve been an honest mistake because she’s crazy and easily distracted. Except not even a few hours later, she got caught again only this time because she doesn’t think she has to pay for goods and services which also checks out because have I mentioned crazy? TMZ reports:

According to our sources, employees at Pookie & Sebastian began following Bynes around the store because she was acting suspicious. We’re told they didn’t recognize it was Amanda, and just thought she was a “half-naked, homeless crackhead.”
Customers tell us Bynes was dancing and muttering about plastic surgery — but eventually she tried to bolt with a shirt stuffed between her arms. When an employee stopped her and asked if she was going to pay, Amanda said … “Do I really have to buy this?”
The answer, of course, was yes — and we’re told Bynes was actually cooperative … whipping out a credit card to cover the $128.

And, so, with a full day’s shopping under her belt, Amanda Bynes retired to Twitter for a quiet evening of threatening to sue magazines for printing the words she’s said to them. Unless, of course, they agree to run her wedding photos when she marries some 19-year-old kid she met at a bait shop. She’ll start the bidding at one government microchip remover. More »

Rita Ora’s Butt Isn’t Stephen Collins

October 9th, 2014 // 13 Comments

Yesterday, Hilary Duff‘s butt took our minds off the Stephen Collins god-awfulness, so today it’s Rita Ora‘s which isn’t quite as awesome, but I’m pretty sure it’s never said it wants to fellate a baby, so just shut up and look at it. Everything is happy. We’re in the happy place…

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Photos: INFphoto, Splash News, Xposure/AKM-GSI

Let’s Get Stephen Collins Out of The Way

October 9th, 2014 // 53 Comments
Stephen Collins Jessica Biel Gear

So here’s everything that’s happened since our last Stephen Collins post where he allegedly told his wife he’s glad they didn’t have a son because he wouldn’t be able to “keep his little penis out of his mouth,” and we all threw up because that’s literally the most fucked up shit I’ve ever heard in my life. I already want to curl back up in the corner again. So let’s get this out of the way and then stare at boobs and butts. We ride! More »

Holy Sh*t, It’s The Reverse-Flash!

October 9th, 2014 // 25 Comments

I’ve been covering pedophiles and mental illness all week, so for a non-depressing change of pace, and to tickle my nerd-bone, here’s the first look at Reverse-Flash (or God help us, Professor Zoom) on the set of The Flash yesterday. For the record, these are stunt doubles, so if you watched the premiere and are trying to figure out which character the Reverse-Flash is, these won’t spoil it for you. In the meantime, I’ll be working on my resignation because Photo Boy pointed me in the direction of Kate Upton pics, and I blew right past them to look at these. I didn’t even hesitate. *pulls back bow* Superficial Writer! You’ve failed these titties! And, Jesus Christ, I just made an Arrow joke. I’m dying alone.

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Photo: Fame/Flynet

Good Morning, Melissa Rummells, And Other News

October 9th, 2014 // 8 Comments

- Mahky Mahk lost 60 fuckin’ pounds. Give him an Oscah. [Lainey Gossip]

- Jennifer Garner says, “you’re welcome,” for Ben Affleck‘s dick. [Dlisted]

- Can We Just Stay In Bed All Day? [theCHIVE]

- Jessica Simpson‘s calves are out of control. [Fishwrapper]

- Sarah Silverman wants to abolish The Vagina Tax. [The Frisky]

- Miley Cyrus‘ VMA date is in jail already. [WWTDD]

- Nickelodeon event cancelled at NYC Comic-Con thanks to idiot’s epically racist interview. [Death and Taxes]

- Kate Upton‘s breasts demand to be free! [Popoholic]

- Kendra Wilkinson milking Hank’s affair is on TV now. [tooFab]

- Drake banged a stripper and regretted it immediately. [IDLYITW]

- Xenia Deli is still very, very hot. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Sofia Vergara is Botoxing. This won’t end well. [Celebslam]

- What’s up, Kirstin Liljegren? [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Fame/Flynet