With incredible speed the sorceress queen suddenly mounted the arms of her dark throne and with a mighty shriek, the sun no longer shown upon the Earth for a fortnight. Crops wilted, children wailed and most terrifying of all, her arid crevasse demanded pleasure from our strongest, most strapping young boys. Their discarded carcasses a testament to her insatiable lust. Plus she reanimated a few and made them practice dance routines. Shit was fucked up. – From the personal journal of Christopher Columbus. September 8, 1492.
To the surprise of absolutely no one, Madonna waited less than a week to toss M.I.A. under the bus for showing her middle finger to Super Bowl audiences for less than half a second. Or “The New Holocaust” as it’ll be forever known. TMZ reports:
Madonna called in to “On Air with Ryan Seacrest” this morning — saying, “I was really surprised. I didn’t know anything about it. I wasn’t happy about it.”
Madonna told Ryan, “I understand it’s punk rock and everything, but to me there was such a feeling of love and good energy, and positivity, it seemed negative. It’s such a teenager … irrelevant thing to do … there was such a feeling of love and unity there. What was the point?”
Madge added, “It was just out of place.”
Translation: “Me me me me. Nobody talked about me. Me me me me. Necronomicon.”
In the meantime, the “Hollywood’s an Illuminati conspiracy to turn us all to devil worship” sites spent most of the week accusing Madonna’s halftime show of being a massive tribute to Satan which is, of course, hilarious because who do the hell these people think Madonna really is? There’s sort of this crater called the Grand Canyon where she fell when God kicked out of her heaven for talking in a British accent. Seriously, nobody reads anymore.
