Dina Lohan is ready to destroy another daughter

March 4th, 2008 // 129 Comments

Double the Lohan posts, double the fun. That’s what I, well, never say actually. In fact, I immediately regret saying it right now. Moving forward. Dina Lohan is set to premiere her new reality show this summer about her adventures cultivating young 14-year-old Ali’s career. People reports:

“The Lohans are one of the most intriguing families in the entertainment industry today,” Lisa Berger of E! said in a statement. “This is a family that knows how to roll with the punches and come out on top. Dina is an incredibly hard-working, passionate mom that I think our viewers will find both relatable and highly entertaining.”

Dina Lohan is just your normal everyday mom. Now that’s touching. Touching all the way to the bank! High-five! No? Okay, you’re right, pimping out your kids to the Hollywood machine is pretty fucked up – Fucked up all the way to the bank! Ha! Up high! What? Not cool, either? Pssh. Who needs you guys.

UPDATE: Don’t go. I’ll be good. Good all the way to the- Whoa, wait, put down the brick! I bruise easily. Mostly from bricks.

Photos: Getty Images

  1. Dave ain't here, man

    There’s nothing quite like a mother’s love…

  2. JimmyBachaFungool

    She has horrible posture.

  3. eww

    that fugly slouching gollum won’t make it very far…too b ad her sister took all the good-looking genes

  4. JimmyBachaFungool

    Oh yeah, SECOND BITCHES!!!! Gay..

  5. fergernauster

    Jesus. This second daughter is shaping up nicely; meaning she is already anorexic and exhibits very poor posture. With such maladaptive habits already cultivated, it will be a very short time, indeed, that we’ll see her fully implode.

  6. It’s Jamie Lynne Part II!!!

    Quick, get the popcorn!

  7. Kris

    Whoa, that thing beside Lindsay’s mom is human? She looks like a little troll.

  8. fergernauster

    It looks as if someone smashed Dina’s nose with a brick.

  9. The Office Whore

    Meal time must consist of Dina running with a piece of celery at the end of a fishing pole..

  10. D. Richards (Scum.)

    Ali Lohan looks like a malnourished dog that Animal Control rescued from a neglectful redneck’s backyard petting zoo.

    And holy fucking Mary-Mother-of Jesus! Lindsay Lohan looks just like her mother — granted, a little more alive, living, not dead-yet looking.

  11. fergernauster

    I don’t have kids, but is it ok to allow your 14-yr.-old to tart herself up with all that make-up?

    I’m thinkin’ “NO”.

  12. fergernauster

    I see that freckles run deep in this tragic family’s genes.

  13. for the love of god let them go!!! E! certainly know how to word things carefully so they can still get that exclusive interview when the sh*t hits the fan…..why dont u say what we all REALLY think….Dina your a really really good mom, mom of the year 2008 to …….forever

  14. “highly entertaining”? Just like the crashes in a Nascar race. This family is a train wreck and that is the only reason anyone will watch anthing to do with the Lohans..

    When you look up Douchefucker in the dictionary, you see a picture of the Lohan family..

  15. GZ

    Someone give that kid a sandwich, STAT!!!

  16. lucifer's left nut

    that child looks like a shell-less turtle. she’s going to burn harder and faster than lohan just to try to be the most famous lohan girl. can’t wait to watch her self-destruct.

  17. edamame

    If I were her son, I would run the fuck away from home! He’s NEXT, ya know?!
    And who in the hell ironed his t-shirt and his button-down shirt? He looks like a G.I.Joe, Jr. action figure. GET A FUCKING HAIRCUT….you’re not Celine’s boy or Kate Hudson’s boy.

    My daughter is 14, and she wouldn’t have access to those HO clothes…much less leave the house wearing a tube dress. Poor Ali, I see some serious issues in her near future.

  18. Vix

    Does that Ali kid have scurvy or something?! why the hell can’t she seem to stand upright???? she’s hunched over in every freaking picture.

  19. yikes for kikes

    this chick is a total troll. she’ll be doing porn in no time.

  20. Io

    they need to teach poor little ali to stand up straight. mom’s so cocked out…oops, my bad, coked out, that she can’t even teach her that bad posture is ugly.

  21. OutRunner1

    Look at Dina… So poised, so confident, so serene… So ready to rake in the mad phat cash that her other daughter is now set and ready to make for her. She knows she’ll never have to deal with Father Michael McDouchebag-Lohan for support ever again.

    Is it just me, or does the skinny, short, freaky-looking one resemble an EMACIATED Tina Fay without glasses?

  22. That whole family is ugly!!

    Ugly all the way to the..

  23. shanipie

    Damn Dina just looks like possibly one of the most bitchy moms ever.

    Also…shit Ali is ugly. What does she think she is gonna get famous? She’s busted…sorry, its true

  24. niles

    It’s too bad that this site gives any “Air Time” to a pathetic parent like this bitch!! I feel real bad for the the rest of us that actually take time to rase our kids the right way!

  25. edamame

    I think Ali looks like a teenage version of Angie Harmon…and waaaay better looking than Lindsay. She might need a back brace, for crying out loud! Dina probably had her locked in the basement without food, until she agreed to be pimped out on the reality show.

    And some teen girls slouch to hide the new boobs.

  26. WTF_101

    Look Quasimoto! No one wants to see you slumped over like the hunchback of Norte Dame! I bet it’s the weight of her huge chest pulling her to the ground…

  27. deacon jones

    In my experience, women who have low self esteem give GREAT blowjobs.
    Therefore, the following formula is proposed

    GREAT Blowjobs = Dina Lohan (plastic surgery * low self esteem * desperate for attention)

  28. fergernauster

    Ali won’t be able to pimp the son out at all. He’s quite unfortunate looking.

  29. Harry Nutzack

    “READY” to destroy another daughter ?
    HAHAHAHAHA ………. Looks like she already has
    Friggin *Bag-0-Bones*

  30. Harry Nutzack

    “READY” to destroy another daughter ?
    HAHAHAHAHA ………. Looks like she already has
    Friggin *Bag-0-Bones*

  31. suzy

    wtf, Ali needs to stand up straight

    you think her crazy mom would have taught her that much!

  32. Kimia

    My mom died 3 years ago and I miss her. Now my dad is married to a younger lady. She tries to get me to dress skanky like her. I tell her that I like wearing bras and keeping my girls supported but she tells me I am too conservative. I feel like telling her that perhaps it is because I did not spend 8,000 of dads money for a boob job. Anyway my step mom looks at this site. I hope she gets the message.

  33. Al

    Oh man. Like mother, like daughters. Ugly, ugly, ugly.

  34. fergernauster

    Yes… Ali needs The Alexander Technique… STAT!

  35. fergernauster

    Dina Lohan is a bitch.

    And a grower.

  36. Why you gotta hate Ali? She is just one boob and nose job (simultaneously) away from stardome? (and a bleach bottle and crotch shot and…..

  37. Lindsey<3

    First of all, shes 14!! of course she looks thin HELLO!!!! she isnt supposed to look womanly till at least 16!! shes so young! all girls her age look tiny cuz THEY ARE, goodness people. and WOW thats ALOT of blush

  38. nev

    Is she hunched? That shits hot. Hunched bitches.

  39. mamadough

    as much as that little beast needs to not be like her whored out mom and sister, at least she still isn’t as ugly as rumor willis…

  40. Pat

    Hmm, I wonder if you get a discount if you book a rehab clinic a year in advance. That’ll be about when Ali will be due, if she follows mom and Lindsay’s guidance.


    I wonder if the reality show will include an episode where a producer-boyfriend of Dina’s stays overnight, and she turns the TV up really loud when he goes to the bathroom late at night and “accidentally” winds up in Ali’s bedroom.

  42. Jackson

    38……linds- it’s a lot, not alot. But you’re wrong in many other areas as well.

  43. SlowMonkey

    Either she has Scoliosis or she’s trying out for the lead next to Tom Cruise.


  44. pee pants

    I HATE Dina Lohan she is the real Anti Christ. Everything that is revolting about hollywood, fame, greed, women and motherhood is rolled up into to this bleached, botoxed, super whore, old hag, piece of filth, worthless Momager. (note* As a woman I can insult other women and the female gender without it being sexist or disrespectful). There is a male version of Dina Lohan and he is everything bad about men and fame and greed and bla blah rolled into one horrible beefy smelling douchebag but, I don’t have time to talk about Oprah right now.

    The fact is this bitch has such a giant fuckload of KARMA coming to her and I just pray to the God of Celebhate that when she lands face first in all that shitty misery she has earned in spades that the fucking camera’s are rolling and the popcorn is nice and buttery, because I will watch every second of her well earned demise and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. She, Brit’s Mom and Paris’s Mom should all get a giant worst mother of the year award and by award I mean a flaming space shuttle destined for Mars right up their wrinkly, dry, asses. Bon voyage bitches.

    I feel sorry for any man who has every gone near this devil bitch. I bet her body is partly mumified by now. Fuck you Dinasore! Sadly for you no one wants to. She reminds me of a witch who uses pure young women for her sick youth serum. She should have played Michelle Pfeiffer’s role in Stardust, that would have been much more fitting but, also much more aweful and scary.

  45. fergernauster

    She is clinging to her mother like one of those love-starved baby chimps who woefully clings to a carpet-covered makeshift mother in science/psychological experiments.


  46. stizz

    She’s actually a hell of a lot better looking than Lindsay – and she’s only 14, she’s totally in the awkward stage. I bet when she hits 18 she’ll be drop dead.

    PS Dinah sucks.

  47. D. Richards (Pedo.)

    #38? You think Ali swallows? God I hope so.

  48. Ted from LA

    You’re probably right about her dropping dead at 18. Sad. Hopefully she will be around when her mother’s book (“My Daughters Are My Best Friends”) comes out.

  49. adeliza

    That gal looks anorexic as hell. And that boy (?) looks kind of like a girl. Not as bad as Cindy Crawford’s son, but still looks like a girl.

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