Wow. If I made a list this morning of things most likely to not occur today, this would’ve been number one followed closely by Santa Claus revealing he exists but has been a pedophile the whole time. On that note, if these two aren’t arrested for still being drunk as shit in a court of law, the entire legal system has failed us. I’m pretty sure checking your breath for hints of Jim Beam and trying not to puke on the bailiff counts as probable cause. If not, it’s only a waiting game until somebody gets the shakes and makes a move for his gun.
DINA: Mommy needs her medicine. LOHAN KICK!
JUDGE: Ma’am, that was the stenographer.
DINA: Right. LOHAN KICK!
JUDGE: Your attorney.
DINA: Dammit. LOHAN KICK!
JUDGE: Your daughter’s vagina.
DINA: That one’s her father’s fault.