Dina Lohan’s Memoirs: ‘Lindsay Is Everybody Else’s Fault’

October 21st, 2011 // 70 Comments

“I’ve never seen that redhead before in my life. Ohmygod, I think it has rabies.”

Before I start, keep in mind two things that happened this week: 1. Lindsay Lohan‘s lawyer argued in court that Lindsay is struggling to support her family (i.e. Dina) who solely depend on her for their day-to-day. 2. Dina publicly pretended that Lindsay was doing great with her community service and is a good kid while at the same time secretly shopping a memoir trashing her behind her back which TMZ just found about. So, of course, here’s responsible Mom of the Year Dina lying to Gossip Cop after being caught:

“I would NEVER do a negative book about my child,” she continues, saying that “when and if” she does a book, it will be “all positive.”

If you’re wondering why Dina is panicking, it’s probably because the book explicitly calls Lindsay a drug addict while simultaneously absolving her mother of any and all responsibility:

TMZ has obtained the draft of a prologue for Dina Lohan’s memoir, which Dina’s rep is shopping to people in the literary world. In the prologue, Dina writes:
“I blamed her friends, her career and her handlers for an (sic) newfound lifestyle of partying excessively. Drinking, drugging and behaving irresponsibly became Lindsay’s way of daily living–and it tore me up inside.”
Dina explains why she moved Lindsay from New York to L.A. at such a young age:
“How could I deny my daughter the chance of a lifetime? How could I hold Lindsay back from her dream of becoming an actress? So, I listened to others and sent my daughter to Hollywood with a few pieces of luggage and a chaperone.”

And just when you thought it couldn’t get better than Shia LaBeouf taking a fist to the face and/or The Situation getting booted from an Apple Store, there’s this little gem:

As far as we know … so far, no takers.

What sound would you use to describe my erection shooting out of my pants and through my desk? Because I’m leaning towards SNAP-KANG!!

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. how about BANG-ZOOM, that’s all that comes to mind when i see this failure

  2. Mitch

    Sounds like Dina is taking tips from the Barack Obama playbook.

  3. Any Guy

    i wish someone would slap this withered cunt out of existence.

    • karlito

      wow what a self serving bitch. not really a shocker though. i guess in her mind it went like this…well, freckle tits’ career is all but over. her future is jail and then if she’s lucky maybe a porno or two when she gets out. can’t live off that. Ali went from cute to “what the fuck” so her modeling career is all but over. what can i do? i know…’lli sell her out. i’ll write a tell-all book about Lilo. i’ll play the good caring Mom who only wanted the best for her and i’ll blame everyone else for my daughters behaviour.

  4. JC

    Dina, you should really consider self-publishing. Yes, that means you don’t get any kid of cash advance, but let’s face it: In the modern day world of the internet and relatively cheap and small print runs, it’s really the best way for crazy fuckers to publish shitty books nobody wants to read.

  5. Cock Dr

    The Lohans are the type of people who would steal the coins off a dead man’s eyes, and then blame the theft on the janitor.

  6. Buddy the Elf

    She might actually disgust me more than either of her hellspawn.

    • Ditto. She’s also an embarrassment to 40 year olds who actually look 40 and not 60.

      • CranAppleSnapple

        Me as well.
        I hope Lindsay cuts her loose and makes her fend for herself.
        It’s doubly weird that White Oprah hasn’t tried to keep Lindsay working, considering that’s the only way she’s get paid. She’s not even talented at leeching off her kids.

      • Rex Reed

        I actually thought this bitch was in her late fifties at first, and thought, “Man, she’s looking good for almost sixty. Then I found out she was in her late forties, and thought “

  7. Jack Ketch

    Hardly shocking … she’s as bigger a liar as Kim Kardassian … “Ally has NEVER had plastic surgery,” lol !! “I used to be a Rockette!” is another good one. Is that the best she can do for a “facial expession?” Yikes … if you’re botoxed from arsehole to breakfast- time I guess that’s all you can manage. I’m with you, Any Guy, hopefully it will happen soon ? Yay.

  8. Every time I see this woman almost literally wearing her daughter’s hair it freaks me out. You know Dina’s always considered Lindsay to be some sort of expendable Mini-Me who’s just there to provide her with the lifestyle *she* wants. It’s not bad enough she lives vicariously through her daughter, Lindsay’s supposed to compensate her for the stupid world that failed to recognize Dina’s extraordinary beauty and talent.

    Way to go, World, nice to see you still have some taste level.

  9. God is Black

    I’m surprised shes not even more fugly like in “Shallow Hal”, the more cunty one is, the more fugly they are!

  10. cc

    In a couple of years, they’ll look sisters. And then they can offer guys sex with a pair of tired looking twins in exchange for their stash of returnable beer bottles.

  11. Wow

    This stupid whore needs a bullet to the brain. Anyone got the scratch to pay for a hitman?

  12. Dina Lohan Memoir
    Commented on this photo:

    I can’t tell if that’s Dina or Lindsay in the picture.

  13. How elements shift in harmony to rough laws-Albert Einstein

    Whos her handlers? is that the twink-y looking guy shes always with?

  14. tony

    Long Island trash, pure and simple.

  15. Condi Rice

    I don’t think anyone could have predicted that terrorists would hijack gold-digger kids and fly them into buildings…

  16. Dina Lohan Memoir
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh my God, it’s DIP!!!”

  17. Inmate 12236969

    I hate this fame HO CUNT;your fucked up little girl is 26 years old now so it’s her fault can’t blame it on mommy or daddy anymore you fucks.

  18. It takes a village. A village of sycophantic dolts.

  19. Archies_Leach

    I’ll take one for the team and let dina suck my cock.

    There’s gazillions of std med fixes out there.

  20. Mortimer Gonnoria

    These Lohans are a horror show. Just the lowest, most depraved people. But as long as there is one more nickle to be made cashing in on their baby girl’s public humiliation, they will surely do it. Pigs.

  21. Bonky

    I wouldnt be surprised if Dina has already shopped around for the best price on Lindsay’s autopsy photos. We seem to be heading that way so you know Dina has to be on top of this.

    • Cock Dr

      After LiLo kicks it I predict Dina will be selling her clothes, photos, jewelry etc on eBay within a month.
      And her ex husband will be trying his damndest to get a slice of that pie too.

  22. EricLr

    “How could I deny my daughter the chance of a lifetime? How could I hold Lindsay back from her dream of becoming an actress?”

    When I was eight years old, I told my parents I wanted to be a fireman. Surprisingly, they didn’t hand me a helmet and drop me off alone at the nearest fire station. They told me to go outside and play.

  23. Leavenworth Resident

    I’m in prison for taking pictures of my 9 year-old nephew naked and passing it around to my buddies in the man-boy-love-club and I think the lohans are low life trash.

  24. dontkillthemessenger

    Are we sure Quadaffi was a worse person than Dina Lohan?

    • TomFrank

      There was a guy at my college who was like a dictator when it came to pick-up ultimate frisbee games on the campus green. “Quadaffi,” a few people called him.

      • Fester

        It seems pretty well established that any combination of letters can be designated as spelling Kuhdaffy.

      • TomFrank

        It seems pretty well established that anyone who says “Quadaffi,” “al-Quaeda,” or “Quatar” are people who can’t let go of that grade-school lesson that a U always follows a Q.

    • Fester

      English spellings of Arabic names are just a phonetic approximation of how they are supposed to sound so no English spelling can truly be described as the single correct version but yeah, using the letter “q” to create a “k” sound confuses the fuck out of a lot of people.

  25. imabrat

    And what if it’s true? What if it IS everyone else’s fault? That hardly absolves you, the creator, of your responsibility to fix her.
    It’s extremely heartless of Dina to say this, as there are REAL victims in this society, not Hollywood hasbeens singing the blues.

  26. Frank Burns

    This is the problem with Lindsay’s parents, they don’t care what kind of attention they get, be it praise or hate, they just desperately want attention, and will do/say anything to get it.

  27. BE

    Soon she’ll be trading her little girls bones for buck…

    Looks like the crypt keeper, talks like the crypt keeper, acts like the crypt keeper..

    Nuff said.

  28. the kardashian klan

    The Lohans are nothing but low class trailer trash fame whores that have no redeeming value whatsoever!

  29. anonym

    what a fucking hag.

    blame yourself for once.

  30. welldoneson

    Holy Mother Of God, what a bitch.

  31. Lindsay looks better here. She was really starting to look old and haggard in the previous few posts.

  32. imabrat

    The bottom line is that Lindsay is adult now, Ali and her younger brother should be taken out of this mockery of a mother’s custody.

  33. Deryn

    Please God this is true and the thing that will fucking wake Lindsay up that that … thing … up there is not her best/only friend.

  34. slurricane

    Has anyone ever googled “worst mother of the year”? and seen the first pictures that come up. I rest my case.

  35. Dina Lohan Memoir
    Mike Bryan
    Commented on this photo:

    Unadulterated SHITBAG!

  36. forrest gump

    including her person, folks.

  37. mel

    Her mother needs to get a real job, and why is Lindsay still supporting her. She needed to untie her apron strings from this horse when she turned 18.

  38. Butch Coolidge

    How would you like those claws tugging at your zipper ? Man , she’s birth control in a picture !

    • Al Cervik

      Her hair is thin and lifeless . She would wilt any man’s willy if she looks you in the eye , like a penis Medusa !

    • Chico Rodriguez

      I find myself imagining I am decapitating her with garden shears , but somehow, after I chop her head off , she just keeps talking . I then realize she won’t ever stop, unless I drop her head into a volcano or arc furnace . After I finish with throwing her head into the arc furnace, I go home and have cookies and take a nap

    • Dean Keaton

      All high school girls would need to ward off horny teenage boys would be a few snapshots of her mug . That would take the steam out of any non – sociopathical man in seconds

    • Edgar Gasconye

      I find that not only is she repulsive as a mother and human being , but repulsive physically as well . She’s like a hyena with blond hair! Can’t we send the Lohan family and the Kardassian family and all of the people who support them to some other place , like Antarctica ?
      I know I won’t miss dodging these cretins on the freeway or seeing what poor choices they make in the voting booth , assuming the imbeciles are capable of forming cogent enough ideas to select political candidates from the imaginary landscapes of cartoon characters that likely inhabit their craniums

    • Mary Callahan

      She has the hands from the witch in the fairy tale ” Hansel and Gretel”

  39. dee cee

    And yes, we all agree hating Lindsay is now the norm.., become a stern mom, tough love.. kick her while she’s down, yet again, costing me jobs.. more money than she makes.., she racks up dept to get her out of trouble.. arrogant, she’s depressed, addicition addled and worn out done-it-all already, her early death means more famous.. make way for the new kid to miss-micromanage, never mind I partied with the first one many times.. I was forced, can forget and forgive, so can you.. she was so demanding, I had to do as she wished, she held the bank account for my entire family hostage, people in control would sue me.. and I helped her get jobs, earn all that fame and fortune, neglecting the others, myself.., suviving without my own career success.. putting up with so much and demeaning myself with her ugly, criminal, nasty friends and acquaintances.. blah blah..

  40. Matthew

    go away Party MOM!

  41. What a CUNT

    I can’t find the words to fully describe the level of disgust & loathing I have for this woman. The fact that people in Hollywood still associate with her shows how sick & depraved Hollywood truly is…

  42. Sick lady

    Why bother to interview this lying whore? She would say and do anything for a nickle as she sure as hell does not work and sponges of her kids.

  43. DeeMacD

    I almost feel badly for Lindsay. Of course she’s screwed up! Look at her parents.

  44. Jinxy

    Sure she’s the ultimate stage mother, putting her kid out to work at 3 years old to support the family because daddy was pretty much always in prisons or half way houses during her childhood, and Momster didn’t want to dirty her hands by actually getting a job and taking care of her own kids when she have the oldest kid do all the work. But at some point you can’t blame the parent anymore and the adult has to take responsibility for their choices and actions. All Lilo’s crimes were as an adult. Emma Stone moved out to LA before she was 18 and isn’t an idiot, so did several other successful actresses with equally repulsive parents and didn’t turn out to be criminals. Whatever cockroach-like parents she had, ultimately they aren’t directly to blame for her choices to steal, lie, use, drunk drive, not show up to work on time, and flagrantly disobey court orders. I do think they are making an example of her and being hard on her because even with 3 misdemeanors no judge is going to care where a non violent does community service but at nearly 26 blaming bad parenting is kind of a joke. they were extremely bad exploitative parents but come on, most people don’t have charmed childhood and certainly weren’t 18 with millions of dollars in the bank. How ever you cut this it is all on Lindsay. All of it.

  45. FUTMZ

    DUIna just inked a deal with Marvel Publishing to whore out her new pile of self-serving fiction. Marvel has promised to deliver a “whole new demographic” for DUIna’s literary skills, and further assured her that there would be “pictures. Lots of pictures”. While the terms are not being disclosed, “sources close to DUIna” have hinted that Marvel’s investment could reach upwards of $250.00 and DUIna isn’t shy about confirming her latest windfall. “I bet I maek moar than u so dunt maek meen coments abote me or linds”Tweeted DUIna. Here’s to hoping the “book” will be an easier read than the Tweet. DUIna plans to celebrate by booking the Honeymoon Suite for her and Linds at the most expensive hotel in S. Newark, NJ. “jusst a litel mother dotter bonding if u no wot I meen”, she bragged.

  46. Mama Pinkus

    note to Lindsay – you can pick your friends but you cannot pick your relatives – but that does not mean you have to KEEP your relatives in your life – DITCH YOUR PARENTS – they are blood-sucking FAME WHORES – and KEEP YOUR LITTLE SISTER AWAY FROM THEM TOO

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