Dina Lohan’s Memoirs: ‘Lindsay Is Everybody Else’s Fault’

“I’ve never seen that redhead before in my life. Ohmygod, I think it has rabies.”

Before I start, keep in mind two things that happened this week: 1. Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer argued in court that Lindsay is struggling to support her family (i.e. Dina) who solely depend on her for their day-to-day. 2. Dina publicly pretended that Lindsay was doing great with her community service and is a good kid while at the same time secretly shopping a memoir trashing her behind her back which TMZ just found about. So, of course, here’s responsible Mom of the Year Dina lying to Gossip Cop after being caught:

“I would NEVER do a negative book about my child,” she continues, saying that “when and if” she does a book, it will be “all positive.”

If you’re wondering why Dina is panicking, it’s probably because the book explicitly calls Lindsay a drug addict while simultaneously absolving her mother of any and all responsibility:

TMZ has obtained the draft of a prologue for Dina Lohan’s memoir, which Dina’s rep is shopping to people in the literary world. In the prologue, Dina writes:
“I blamed her friends, her career and her handlers for an (sic) newfound lifestyle of partying excessively. Drinking, drugging and behaving irresponsibly became Lindsay’s way of daily living–and it tore me up inside.”
Dina explains why she moved Lindsay from New York to L.A. at such a young age:
“How could I deny my daughter the chance of a lifetime? How could I hold Lindsay back from her dream of becoming an actress? So, I listened to others and sent my daughter to Hollywood with a few pieces of luggage and a chaperone.”

And just when you thought it couldn’t get better than Shia LaBeouf taking a fist to the face and/or The Situation getting booted from an Apple Store, there’s this little gem:

As far as we know … so far, no takers.

What sound would you use to describe my erection shooting out of my pants and through my desk? Because I’m leaning towards SNAP-KANG!!

Photos: Splash News