Dina Lohan: ‘Lindsay Wants to Open Her Own Rehab’

Seen here mugging for the paparazzi because she’s just as famous as Lindsay, you guys, Dina Lohan is doing what any mother would do right before her tossed in jail: Selling exclusive interviews like they’re goddamn antidote. Here she is in the latest issue of InTouch talking about how sober Lindsay is and how she wants to start her own rehab because she’s all growed up now:

On how Lindsay needed rehab then but not now:
“She went to rehab before the court ordered her. When I put my daughter in rehab, I knew she needed it. In 2007 — not currently.”

On Lindsay suddenly being claustrophobic yet loves restroom stalls:
She is claustrophobic, so she’s in fear of that.

On her fears as the most enabling mother on the planet:
“If Lindsay went to jail, I would fear for her life. Jail doesn’t help anyone no matter what problem you have — unless you’re a rapist or a murderer. This wasn’t a violent crime, but they’re saying you miss a DUI class and have to go to jail for three months — that’s absurd.”

On Lindsay’s dreams to rehabilitate anyone but herself:
“Lindsay actually wants to open up her own rehab center here (in Los Angeles) and a couple across the country to help other kids and celebs so they don’t fall through the cracks in this town. She mentioned it to me a couple of days ago. She’s really growing up.”

Jesus. Lindsay Lohan starting a rehab? That’d be like Tiger Woods starting a sex addiction clinic that only allows white, female porn stars who love anal sex to attend.

Okay, that’s not fair. Tiger would actually have a chance of rehabilitating somebody. I get carried away sometimes.

Photos: Splash News