Dina Lohan’s Using Lindsay’s Old Moron Lawyer To Fight Her DUI Arrest, Of Course

September 24th, 2013 // 34 Comments
Fucking. Finally.
Dina Lohan Mug Shot
Dina Lohan Arrested For DUI Read More »

Two weeks ago, Dina Lohan was arrested for DUI after blowing over twice the legal limit, so naturally she just plead not guilty to those charges because the first rule of being a Lohan is living in a fantasy land of your own creation where actions have no consequences. Which is also probably why she went to free shitbag attorney Mark Heller who successfully handled Lindsay Lohan’s last legal problems so well by getting her a worse plea deal and finding himself investigated for witness tampering. Not to mention his only legal maneuvers are carrying a lucky rabbit’s foot and sexual harassment, so I can’t even imagine his approach to this case: “Ya honah, first off, ya hair is gorgeous. I could stare at it all night at my personal table at the Olive Garden. Ever had their breadsticks? Anyway – *rubs rabbit foot* – my client here is the victim of a heinous system hell-bent on punishing working mothahs tryin’ to make a livin’ for their kids. Is it not a right to unwind and have a drink in this country? Because the Long Island PD would have you believe it is Nazi fucking Germany, and I didn’t lose a brother in Nam for this shit! It’s outta ordah! (You like how I got angry just then, sweetheart? There’s a reason they call me Rhino. Let me know when you want da horn.)” *winks, makes gun fingers*

Photo: Getty, INFdaily

superficial

  1. Her lawyers face looks like a mold of Dina’s vagina

  2. JC

    I’m assuming the legal argument will be that twice the limit is pretty much Dina’s baseline blood alcohol at this point, so it’s unfair to arrest her based on a “medical condition.”

  3. Hugh G. Rection

    I’m not sure whether she hired him because he’s a press whore who will work for free or because she felt sorry for him because of his bad rug.

  4. Dina Lohan DUI Court Appearance Attorney Mark Heller
    Hugh G. Rection
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus Christ, it looks like he’s getting smaller in every picture.

  5. Dina Lohan DUI Court Appearance Attorney Mark Heller
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    “Now look. I know ya just gave me a blowjob on da way ova, but I forgot to tell you about my “balloon-knot clause” I require in cases like this where I’m working for free.”

  6. Deacon Jones

    I bet she was smoking hot in the 80s

  7. Charlton Heston

    Innocent girl accidentally shot by armed friend: http://newsone.com/2714747/premila-lal-nerrek-galley-colorado/

  8. logan

    By the look on her face in the cover shot, she is very pleased with her decision. If I was looking for a lawyer, I too would look for one who looks like a hobbit and has the skills of a law school drop out. As usual, right on target Lohan (any Lohan).

  9. ratso gotta eat!

    -and walk.

    -HERE.

  10. Dina Lohan DUI Court Appearance Attorney Mark Heller
    elephantman
    Commented on this photo:

    He actually does look like a hobit.

  11. Good thing her ovaries dried up long ago, unlike her liver.

  12. Yes, I know that this is not in California but she’ll get probation, no time, no fine, no community service. You read it here!

  13. Dina Lohan was arrested for DUI after blowing over twice the legal limit..

    “Ohmigod, Mom! There’s a limit to how many guys you can blow? And they can arrest you for going over it? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME???”

  14. Yup

    Of course she used him; he works for free (for the attention whoring publicity), and she’s broke as shit. Hopefully, his legal “expertise” will get her a longer jail sentence…

  15. “Better holler for Heller!”

  16. Fresco

    Rich people, listen. Don’t drive drunk. You have the money, call a service.

  17. Mark my words: Henry Winkler WILL play this guy in a movie someday.

  18. Dina Lohan DUI Court Appearance Attorney Mark Heller
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    “Am . . . am I sober? I’d swear there’s a garden gnome in a business suit following me around everywhere.”

  19. Dina Lohan DUI Court Appearance Attorney Mark Heller
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    “I thoroughly believe my client, Ms. Lohan to be innocent. I also believe fame makes me look taller. I must clear what, 5’5″ to you people, right? That’s seven inches growth.”

  20. Dina Lohan DUI Court Appearance Attorney Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’m just a caveman… I don’t know of your modern ways. But I do know if a woman drives drunk through the streets of New York, she should be set free with monetary compensation.”

  21. Dina Lohan DUI Court Appearance Attorney Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    “Before we begin, does anyone have a banana?… I missed lunch.

  22. Dina Lohan DUI Court Appearance Attorney Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    “Don’t worry Lindsay. We’ll get these charges dropped.”
    “Dina. I’m Dina Lohan.”
    “Sorry, force of habit.”

  23. Dina Lohan DUI Court Appearance Attorney Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    “Please everyone! Give Lindsay some room!”
    “I’m Dina Lohan.”
    “Shit I did it again didn’t I?”

  24. Dina Lohan DUI Court Appearance Attorney Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    “Now Lindsay, when the judge-”
    “Still Dana…
    “Why can’t I remember that?”

  25. Dina Lohan DUI Court Appearance Attorney Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    “Who should I send my bill to?”
    “Send it to Lindsay,”

  26. Dina Lohan DUI Court Appearance Attorney Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    “I thought that went well Lindsay.”
    “I’m Dina you shit bag!
    “Whatever!”

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