Dina Lohan’s Using Lindsay’s Old Moron Lawyer To Fight Her DUI Arrest, Of Course

Two weeks ago, Dina Lohan was arrested for DUI after blowing over twice the legal limit, so naturally she just plead not guilty to those charges because the first rule of being a Lohan is living in a fantasy land of your own creation where actions have no consequences. Which is also probably why she went to free shitbag attorney Mark Heller who successfully handled Lindsay Lohan’s last legal problems so well by getting her a worse plea deal and finding himself investigated for witness tampering. Not to mention his only legal maneuvers are carrying a lucky rabbit’s foot and sexual harassment, so I can’t even imagine his approach to this case: “Ya honah, first off, ya hair is gorgeous. I could stare at it all night at my personal table at the Olive Garden. Ever had their breadsticks? Anyway – *rubs rabbit foot* – my client here is the victim of a heinous system hell-bent on punishing working mothahs tryin’ to make a livin’ for their kids. Is it not a right to unwind and have a drink in this country? Because the Long Island PD would have you believe it is Nazi fucking Germany, and I didn’t lose a brother in Nam for this shit! It’s outta ordah! (You like how I got angry just then, sweetheart? There’s a reason they call me Rhino. Let me know when you want da horn.)” *winks, makes gun fingers*

Photo: Getty, INFdaily