“I will run over you with my car if you don’t eat your vegetables! See? Just like that. Worked with all my kids.”
Oh, hey, didn’t see you come in. I was just outside shooting wooden spoons with an AR-15 while wearing heels. You know, the ush. Anyway, while I freshen up, why don’t you take a look at this report about another mom to viciously insult which has absolutely nothing to do with all that stuff I just said a few sentences ago. In fact, if you’re my therapist, you should probably just forget you read any of that, and I dunno, maybe tell the state it’s okay for me to go on planes again. Haha! I’m joking, I’m joking. But maybe think about it. ET Online reports:
Asked for general advice for [Amanda Bynes'] parents since she’s been through similar situations, Dina replies, “Just be around. … It’s hard when your daughter’s not, you know, over 18, and you want to let them go … and they want to, you know, feel like they’re in control of themselves. So it’s a very strategic place for a parent to be, but she’ll be ok.”
So Dina Lohan‘s advice is “Just be around.” Wonderful. Okay, Amanda Bynes‘ parents, here’s exactly what you want to do: The exact opposite of those three words. In fact, if there’s some way you could maybe no longer exist in this plane of reality, that’d probably be your safest bet. Granted, I don’t think Dina was getting that metaphysically deep because her blood is 80% Beefeater, the end result of her parenting is Lindsay Lohan, so however far away you can get from that, the better. Also, now that I think about it, she never murdered her offspring, so I’ll just float that out there without saying any more because now my lawyer’s looking at me like he just shit a stroke. Dude, what?
Photos: Splash News