Diddy is a terrible host

July 6th, 2007 // 53 Comments
diddy-host.jpg

Diddy was set to host a party at Whitehouse in the Hamptons Tuesday night, but he showed up at 2:15 am and then only stayed an hour before collecting his paycheck and leaving with two girls. The NY Daily News reports:

No wonder his stay was brief: The only other semi-celeb in the house was Samantha Cole. “He hid behind security in the VIP room drinking Champagne,” notes one guest. The Kim Porter -free mogul did find two “amazingly attractive” girls in “teeny black dresses,” who were hustled into his caravan of three SUVs just before it sped off.

This is what you get when you hire Diddy to host your parties. Last August he showed up five and half hours late to his own party. You could get a giant cardboard cutout of Diddy and it’d probably be a better host. Or you could get a cardboard cutout of me and never leave your bedroom. Rowr!

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  1. veggi

    why isn’t he in a bikini? That’s sooo weird.

  2. Superevil

    People still care about this guy?

  3. fug

    What a dickhead

  4. judy greer

    ONLY FOOLS FIGHT FOR FIRST PLACE!

  5. mrs.t

    When you hire Diddy, you’re just asking for it to suck ass. Hope he doesn’t put a hit out on me. Wait—he’s still a gangsta, right?

  6. Bubbula

    Um, I thought this guy was killed back in 1997 by Biggie Small? Oh wait, my mistake, it was the other way around.

    And can somebody tell me, why does HE have security again? Maybe it’s his guilt and fear of retribution for killing BIGGIE.

    Bring it Punkazz

  7. Pat

    Fools! Who would hire Diddy for a host?

  8. gotmilk?

    this guy has pretty much sucked for a while & probably has the biggest ego on this planet. i’m surprised he even gets a paycheck. i would have thought he’d demand piles of diamonds as payment for doing absolutely nothing.

  9. James

    Diddy is the man. Life does not get much better than that. Show up at 2:15 in the morning, get paid for showing up, drink Champagne and leave with two “amazingly attractive” girls. which I am sure he had his way with shortly after he left. Diddy is my hero!!!!

  10. This is my idea of a party…

  11. Josh Lavarn

    They shoulda called MC Hammer instead.

  12. veggi

    @10- go fuck yourself. again.

  13. Uncle Ernie

    @12 Did you get my e-mail?

  14. Aislinn

    Diddy is so full of himself. Anyone who changes his name multiple times is an ass with too much time on his hands.

    And speaking of too much time on one’s hands, may I say that the trolling is really ridiculous. C’mon — stand behind what you say w/ your own screen name, or shut the hell up.

  15. veggi

    Once in the bedroom jrzmommy sat on the side of the bed pulled me close and began kissing me again. I could feel the temperature rise between my legs. I can’t believe I am about to have sex with another woman!!!!!! She slowly unbuttons my shirt exposing my tanned stomach and my pink bra. Her hands touch my skin, caressing me, kissing me. My hands begin to glide against her body. she unsnaps my bra, slips my shirt off and pulls my bra off and there before her were my erect nipples just waiting for her mouth. She gently licks one nipple and then begans to suck it. The room is getting warmer. A moan escapes my lips. I manage to gather my thoughts and I want to feel her breasts against mine so I undo her shirt and with one hand snap her bra open. She reaches down and takes my shorts and panties off. She stands up and began taking her jeans off while I let myself lick her nipple. She turns me around and lays me on the bed while climbing up next to me.

    We kiss a passionate kiss while our hands graze each others bodies. I fondle her nipples while she sucks mine. Her hand makes it’s way down my stomach, down my thigh, gently spreading me open for her to explore. She touches my pussy, another moan comes from me. This is so awesome!! My hips slightly rise and fall, telling her that I want and need to be fucked. Body language mixed with moans can be so erotic. Her finger now playing with my clit makes the hips move a little more, wanting and needing all that she can give me. Now she is fingering my pussy and sucking my nipples. I feel the spasm starting, my hips moving in rhythm to her hand fucking me. I cum all over her finger.

    More passionate kisses. Her tongue leaves a wet trail down my stomach to my hard wet clit. Slow licks and gentle sucks. I know it won’t take long before I fill her mouth with my juices. I am pinching my nipples as she is fucking me with her tongue. I can’t hold it in any longer, I come all over her face.

  16. Shinanigans

    @6 are you serious? Really? Where did you hear that P Diddy killed Biggie smalls? I think you need to check your sources

  17. pepito

    FIRST!

  18. hydrog

    Effin’ PORCH MONKEY.

  19. Donkey

    Diddy is a piece of shitty anyway.

  20. ssdd

    Subhuman bastard.

  21. whitegold

    Seriously, think what you want of him (and I happen to agree with the comments that he pretty much sucks these days), but #9 makes a damn good point…the guy is living one awesome life! We can talk all the smack we want about him, but like he really cares when he’s enjoying the life he is. Maybe he’ll go crazy or bankrupt or something, and then our insults will be more effective.

  22. lambman

    Take that Sienna Miller!

    I love that that attention whore Sienna is getting cheated on again lol, serves her right for going for a guy with Diddy’s track record who had a girlfriend with 2 of his babies (not to mention a 10 year old) when they hooked up first

  23. Aislinn

    Wait, Sienna Miller is dating Diddy? Where have I been?

  24. Mr. Black

    What’s a black man doing at a White party anyways?

  25. miss oblivious

    P Diddy Mini, P Poofy Bite Size, Pop a Diddy Pop Fun Size. This guy is such an ugly tool, and takes himself way too seriously. I hope he loses all his riches and ends up living in a freakin shack.

  26. BIg_J_in_Cincy

    “That’s it. I’m shuttin’ down the studio.”

  27. BIg_J_in_Cincy

    “That’s it. I’m shuttin’ down the studio.”

  28. wiinja

    yay!

  29. lazt nite,
    couldn’t even
    get an anzwer,
    tried to call
    but you were
    fucking my friend???

    Diddy haz zome good
    zongz..right now in
    America, the blaxkz
    R winning in the muzic
    buzinezz..love that zhit???

  30. wiinja

    oh ffs, not again

  31. Aislinn

    Bern, I love your boobs — er, you know what I mean.

  32. Sean Combs

    Fuk dat slack-jaw but-toofed nigga. All dat fool ever did was to chime in ‘uh-huh’ on Biggie’s raps. I remember this fool back in ’93 here in DC when he was at Howard U. All he did was organize parties, no real talent. How he hooked up with Junior Mafia is beyond me.

  33. Kamihi

    this guy is ugly and an ass anyone who hires him deserves a kick in the jaw.

  34. boo

    Does anybody else get creeped out by these guys (Diddy, Kanye, etc) that have perfect razor cuts, perfect facial hair, manicures,designer sunglasses ALL THE TIME, etc.? They are more high maintainence than most women.

  35. Chauncey Gardner

    How could he be a good host? He’s not even a convincing black person.

  36. jrzmommy

    2:15 am? That’s usually the time that black guys enter your house to “host” some of your possessions…

  37. MissPMS

    They could have switched him with MC Hammer and no one would have been able to tell the difference.

  38. Or get a cardboard cut-out of cardboard. That would be more entertaining for me.

  39. Colorblind Guy

    Friggin’ lazy coon, makin’ all ‘da Sambos look just as bad

  40. Is that Diddy’s idea of semi-retirement. Isn’t he getting a little old for the scene?

  41. crazy otto

    he needs to do a duet with Paris

  42. get off the diddyz
    azz, fuckerz…
    thiz dude haz good
    fuckin muzic..U wizh
    white people could
    bring the zongz like
    the blaxkz do..and U
    fuckin No it.???

  43. Astrid4564

    ^

    No, we’re just happy we can spell correctly.

  44. 44=oh, I’m zo fuckin
    happy I can juzt zpell
    correctly!! Itz the mozt
    important thing in the
    world? It will get me into
    heaven? It will complete my
    day? It will zolve all of my
    fuckin problemz..only if I zpell
    correctly?
    44=U R a fuckin azzhole, get off
    my azz bitch, go fight with your
    imaginary friend, bitch???

  45. Astrid4564

    @45

    It’s really funny how you started off insulting white people in general, and then got pissed off when I came back at you. The first rule of “word wars” is to be able to take what you throw out. So grow up, learn how to talk without cursing, and curb that sarcasm. Then come back and MAYBE your maturity will have risen enough for me to not feel like I’m talking to a child when talking to you.

  46. I will inzult any
    race that I want
    and I don’t need U
    to tell me about it…

    and if I’m zo much lower
    ztandard than U,
    Y THE FUCK R U TALKING TO
    ME…AZZHOLE??

  47. Astrid4564

    @47

    Reverse racism is the most hypocritical thing I have ever heard of. I am quite sure that MLK wanted everyone to live together in peace, not for reverse racism to start.

    As for why I’m talking to you? I’m bored. Don’t worry, once tomorrow comes, and I go to work and start that life thing back up you’re clearly lacking, I won’t waste my time talking to you anymore.

  48. #47=azzhole:
    I am the only one on
    here that zuck up for
    Diddy and hiz muzic…
    U attacked me firzt on
    my zpelling poztz #44
    and I wazn’t uzing
    reverze race
    zhit..your retarded
    I love Black muzic
    and Diddyz zong…
    lookz like your not
    zo educated at all, dickweed.?

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