Diddy ‘Knocked Down’ The Twin Towers. Also, Babies.

The Superficial / January 28, 2011

In probably the greatest lawsuit since U.S. Fudge Consortium vs. Homophobic Slants, Inc., Diddy is being sued for $900 billion worth of child support by a woman who claims he not only “knocked down” the Twin Towers on 9/11, but gang-raped her children over a casino chip worth “100 zillion dollars,” so we should probably hear her out. RadarOnline reports:

“[Diddy] went through Kim Porter and Rodney King and knocked down the WTC and then they all came and knocked my children down. Set me up to be on disability and disabled my baby. he put my baby in a wheelchair.”
“He date raped me 24 years ago and knocked me down him and Kim Porter and Wallace Wright, then Sean Combs and Kim and Wallace Wright came back 18 years later and raped and sexually abused my children and knocked my children down and crushed me and my children daily.
“Plus I won a lot of money at the casino in Mississippi and Sean P. Diddy Combs has my chip to my money. I heard he gave it to Gwen Allen to hold but she can not cash it in. I want my chip please help me. it’s well worth over 100 zillions of dollars, and my hospital keys. They put me and my baby in the hospital and broke my baby 2 legs and sexual assaulted my children and crushed us.”

Is Michele Bachmann missing a speech writer? Because I think we just found her and she’s confused Obama with Diddy again. Then again, who hasn’t? Amirite? Eh? *holds up hand for high-five* Anyone? Ah, you guys are just messing with me. Let’s get some ‘za.

Photo: Getty