Dick Clark Finally Died (1802 – 2012)

The Superficial / April 18, 2012

Provided he was ever really alive and/or not-a-cyborg. (See: above.)

So remember how I said “good” when Andrew Breitbart died because he was a horrible piece of shit? Well, consider me saying “good” again for Dick Clark dying, only this time in a more sympathetic, thank God they’re not going to use puppetry to make the poor bastard’s jaw move on another New Year’s Eve special and now the man can finally rest in peace and dignity. — Eh, who am I kidding? See you in December, Dick!

[Ed. Note: So we’re all in agreement that “massive heart attack” is doctor talk for Ryan Seacrest coating a flight of stairs with lube? Okay, good. – SW]

Photo: Getty