Denise Richards in a Bikini Won

April 4th, 2011 // 78 Comments

While Charlie Sheen‘s stage show debut went exactly as expected, Denise Richards spent the weekend looking like this in the Bahamas. (“Sweet goddamn,” I believe is the technical term.) You’ll also notice she’s with their daughters because Charlie’s too broke to afford a lawyer that’s even remotely capable of convincing a judge to let him even squint at them through bulletproof glass. Which brings us to my favorite game: Pointing out how retarded Charlie Sheen fans are. When it became overwhelmingly evident that Denise has always been the sane parent, many were quick to point out she was photographed doing coke with Richie Sambora. And by many, I mean people who think Charlie Sheen “wins” by doing enough blow to affect the GDP of Colombia. But now they’re suddenly concerned with someone who snorted a line four years ago after just escaping a relationship with Charlie Sheen. Which is bullshit considering, after the past month, it’s a miracle she didn’t drown both her kids in the tub out of fear that one of them might walk around painting herself with tiger stripes.

SAM: Mom, can I ask you something?
DENISE: Sure, honey.
SAM: *lifts up dress* Is it normal for legs to turn into F-18 engines?

Photos: Splash News


  1. DKNY

    Looks pretty damned good in these pics.

    • Honest Abe

      Let us not forget the famous pics of her stretched pussy hanging out like the lips of a basset hound!!

    • Lane Meyer

      It’s amazing how quickly people forgot about the pictures of her snorting pepsi with Richie Sambora on the beach , what , you don’t believe me , look it up .

  2. Levi Coult

    yea girl… giddit

  3. Duncan Cade

    Would hit it all day long!

  4. Denise Richards Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Yes, anyone can see that not tapping this ass anymore is a clear win.

  5. Burt

    “Which brings us to my favorite game: Pointing out how retarded Charlie Sheen fans are.”

    You like sure shots, games you know you’ll be–for lack of a better word–winning.

  6. Burt

    By the way, she always looks great…But those glasses gotta go.

  7. Mel Gibson's Shrink

    She may be pretty and have a great body for a mom of two, but that doesn’t change the fact that she is dumb as fuck for marrying Charlie Sheen while fully aware of his past relationships’ history.

    • Burt

      And? It’s not as if I want her to perform surgery on my first born.

    • tod

      She just has a great body!
      No need to mention “for a mom of two”
      How dumb can she be, Im quite sure the child support is more than she ever made acting! A lot more$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

  8. LittleCupcakes

    She got out from under the Sheen Machine in time…and still insanely hot. At least wearing those huge sunglasses anyway.

  9. Ash Bones

    I HATE YOU!!

  10. Ash Bones

    Anyway, She should find a sugar daddy because Charlie might die soon or his money might dry up quick..

  11. Denise Richards Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    MILF ass…… Winning! Duh!

  12. captain america

    this because around 99.5 percent of all american women look like FAT PIGS in bikini’s.

  13. Denise Richards Bikini
    Doc Schweinstrudel
    Commented on this photo:

    wow incredible!!!!!!!! I want to look like that post two kids..wonder what’s her diet/exercise regime

  14. Denise Richards Bikini
    Two words
    Commented on this photo:

    Milf alert!

    I’d like to unload my demon seed in her!

  15. The Critical Crassness

    If anyone ever asked what the term MILF meant, this is the picture you should show them….#denisewinning,#charliesheenloser!

  16. dramkit

    Yes, she was a particularly sane parent when she put her daughters on a reality show, and even went to court against Sheen over that. Even Whoopi Goldberg pointed out how sane Denise’s desire to protect her daughters’ privacy was.

    Seriously, why is it 1 insane parent = 1 sane parent? What’s wrong with both of them being nutcases?

    No amount of Charlie Sheen insanity will ever convince me that Denise Batshit Richards is anything other than a vapid airheaded cocksucker, whose only marketable skill is looking good in a bikini. Oh, wait.

    That’ll do, Denise, that’ll do.

    • Alpha Male

      Give me a break. There’s plenty of couples out there that start out innocently enough, and flourish even, and then by the time you find out the significant other is batshit crazy, they’ve already got their claws into you, and its not all that easy to escape from. Charlie Sheen did not ‘always appear like this’… if he had, this wouldve been front page shit going back years ago.

      And you’re quoting Whoopi to validate your argument? May want to rethink that strategy, counselor. There is nothing wrong w both parents being nutcases, but in this instance, that isnt what happened. Not sure if this is news to you or not, but its entirely possible for someone to seem remotely sane, and then, after years of heavy, heavy, drug use/abuse, that same person all of a sudden no longer seems quite so sane anymore… and you think its physically impossible for that to have been the case w Denise Richards, why? Because it gives you an outlet and an excuse to blast her?

      On a side note-she’s been on Howard Stern, and numerous other talk shows, numerous times, and she’s not nearly the airhead you try to make her out to be- actually, shes far more well spoken than you, so maybe this all stems from a bit of jealousy?

      • dramkit

        Alpha Male? Seriously? Has your Alpha self wanked off to Denise enough that she started to seem like a goddess or sth?

        And ‘always appear like this’? Where tf did I say that? Also, quoting Whoopi? Where’s the quote? And the whole drug abuse argument? Wtf does that have to do with anything I said? The need for an outlet seems to be a tad of a projection, mate.

        She is totally an airhead, and she’s proven it on numerous talk shows, numerous times. Now that has anything to do with her being hot or wankworthy.

  17. brit

    she got new boobs

    • Deuce

      That’s what i was thinking. Thank goodness too, cause when you think of Denise Richards, you think of boobs. Glad they’re back !

    • K Soze

      Uh, not recently she didnt… In the past? Sure.. since her confession to Howard in 09? Nah. And her body looks sick, regardless of age and how many kids she’s pumped out(although that certainly makes it all that much more impressive).

    • Now only one of those ladies needs a boob job.

  18. Denise Richards Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Holy hell.

  19. I think I just won a little in my pants.

  20. Denise Richards Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s always been lickable.

  21. Denise Richards Bikini
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder if the rumors are true that she used to be an escort.

  22. Denise Richards Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    She needs to spend a little more time doing squats.

  23. dpbefun

    Charlie Sheen tapped that, at least twice….. WINNING!

  24. Sugar

    These pics are stellar. I have seen her looking less than in pics in the past, but those don’t matter any more!

  25. Honkey

    I’d hit it with a baseball bat!

  26. Denise Richards Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    A little flat for my taste, not a fan of the fake breasts either…meh.

  27. I don’t care if she is crazy as fuck, that is one hot looking piece of ass.

  28. whatever dogg

    Those look new to me. I don’t remember ‘em being that full after she had the huge ones taken out.

  29. GrandCyclops


  30. charlie s

    I gave it up when I couldn’t hit both sides of it…guess I was wrong!

  31. Buttercup

    People, people! We’ve been held captive by Cap’n Cocaine for so long that it’s become easy to award even a turd an honorary PhD by comparing it to C.S. Without wanting to dampen the enthusiasm of the moment, I feel I simply must point out that said #winnerparent’s idea of creating fond family memories is to take herself and her priceless offspring to the beach prepared for a photo shoot of them pretending to splash through the water, thereby exposing said children before online pervs *and* highly radiated water that is currently gushing through a leak at a nuclear disaster site into the Pacific Ocean at the rate of 10 tons per minute. Surely it will be an iconic photo in a future sociology book that discusses a phenomenon of pathological denial that historically, reliably predicts the gory demise of the ultra privileged.

  32. The chosen one just stares and mutters her strange dark Utopian dreams while Mother pretends not to pose for the cameras. “She’ll pay”, thinks the twisted half-warlock, “When my powers come to fruition, they will all pay.”

    • Buttercup

      hahahahaha And, thank goodness that Mother thought to bring sunglasses to both protect her identity and her eyesight. The Chosen One who is without notes this in her revenge journal.

  33. Denise Richards Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d buy her lunch any day if she supplied the dessert!

  34. Denise Richards Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m sooooo tired of people complaining about white women’s small butts – if you want big butts look elsewhere already, there’s plenty around. White women don’t naturally have big butts – We can’t make something out of what’s not there. Be considerate about the limits of nature. She has a great ass for a white woman her age.

  35. Sue Anthony

    WTF??? The woman in the photos looks terrific, but the “article”– if you can call it that– has to be one of the lamest things I’ve ever read.

    “Lucky she didn’t drown them in the bath tub”?

    “Legs like F-18 engines?”

    Didn’t your mother ever tell you that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything?
    Besides, all those photos told a much nicer story. Even if we do miss Denise Richards’ signature, flowing blonde hair.

  36. Denise Richards Bikini
    antoine bugleboy
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, I would say she looks exactly like Katie Holmes in this pic if it wasn’t for the fact that she’s smiling.

    …annnnnd now back to staring at the boobs.

  37. I’d put it in her. In both places, you know?

  38. Denise Richards Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    cant really blame charlie for doing lines of coke off her ass.

  39. I’ve heard that crazy woman sex is good, but this would be fabulous.

  40. Pete

    Seeing themselves cropped out of all of their mom’s pictures is going to a real trip down memory lane for those girls one day.

  41. right

    Gold-digger 101 staged photo op. Looking to line up her next victim.

  42. supashan

    hot! Want her boobs badly:)

  43. Tiff

    You do realise with these pics that Denise Richards has just lived out every wronged ex-wife’s wet dream. Looking shockingly good in a bikini somewhere warm and sunny while ex is off getting booed off stage in Lala land. Like totally winning!

  44. Denise Richards Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Nope, the ass is flat and kind of sags. This does not mean I wont hit that. But it is a flat booty

  45. Denise Richards Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    whatever on the flat booty….i’d still munch on that entire package til her head collapsed…..just sayin….

  46. Denise Richards Bikini
    Gomez Adams
    Commented on this photo:

    She was the first “Goddess/whore”

  47. Denise Richards Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks amazing for 76.

  48. Denise Richards Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Spank and eat.

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