After Kabbalah campfires and drunkenly trolling for strange of her own failed to save their marriage (I’m genuinely surprised that last one didn’t work.), Demi Moore has filed for divorce from Ashton Kutcher and indirectly cited him banging Sara Leal on their anniversary as the reason. Ha! Women. Always mad about somethin’. TMZ reports:
The 49-year-old Moore says she’s ending her marriage “with great sadness and a heavy heart.”
Demi says, “as a woman, a mother and a wife, there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life.”
And like a douche Ashton posted his reaction on Chime.In which he holds a financial stake in, so now seems like as good as time as any to make some MON-AY:
I will forever cherish the time I spent with Demi. Marriage is one of the most difficult things in the world and unfortunately sometimes they fail. Love and Light, AK
I’m sure Demi Moore really appreciates Ashton Kutcher signing off their marriage like he’s writing in her goddamn yearbook. What a great way to end six years together.
This year was super awesome! I’ll always remember snuggle time and Tweet parties! BFFs!
Peace Out,
A+K = Wha? Wha?
P.S. You rawk!
Photos: Coleman-Raynor, Getty, Splash News
Kim Kardashian is upset because she wasn’t done milking media coverage of her own divorce yet.
A+
Bummer. Who’s going to get custody of the Elephant Man?
ahahahahahaha!!! your terrible, love it!!!
My sources tell me that Ashton was secretly banging Kristin Cavallari… Demi Moore was banging Scott Disick… and Jay Cutler was getting diddled by Jerry Sandusky.
Sadly, she like John Travolta, now knows the tragedy of losing a retarded son.
AAA+++ ha!
Bravo!
Well….I hate to say I told you so, but this is what happens when you rob the cradle!
or the womb.
When will women learn that they should not marry their boy-toys.
Demi’s decrepit womb is to blame. The Kutch wants to lay some seed. I suspect he will start holding auditions by banging every available hot piece of ass in sight looking for a suitable mate. Good boy.
Exactly. Although I hope he isn’t doesn’t think he can challenge Leonardo and George in The Great Poon Off.
He can’t hold a candle to Leo or Clooney.
I watched Leo in J. Edgar over the weekend. It was OK. But Leo was great. He did some completely convincing dramatic scene and my first thought was, that’s why he gets all the pussy.
True story.
BTW. Wait to watch J. Edgar on video. But do watch it. It is alright.
Kind of sounds like the Pitt-Joli- Aniston affaire. Maybe we’re lucky and he’ll retires soon too.
Seriously, why don’t they learn from the master, The Clooney. Get cut and never marry = profit.
Next up Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith…
Time to open the closet?
So Ashton’s going to hook up with Susan Leal now….. cause….. you know…. Susan Leal has….. you know…… morals…..
good.
that means bruce gets to have ashton all to himself.
ahahahaha!!!
Wait… Does that mean Bruce’s revenge marriage has to end too? ‘Cuz you know that chick is just waiting to collect her dough and stop diddling Grandpa.
She’ll soon be happier than Jerry Sandusky at a little league game !
I think you meant …”Jerry Sandusky at a child care center”
No, “Jerry Sandusky at a video arcade “
Jerry Sandusky at an impoverished orphanage
Jerry Sandusky at an unattended playground
Jerry Sandusky at a Halloween Horror House
Jerry Sandusky as a bus driver for the boys wrestling team
Jerry Sandusky as the boys wrestling coach at an impoverished orphanage
Any sightings of Jerry Sandusky should be reported immediately to the responsible police department, whether he is coaching little league or babysitting at a child care center
he finally realized that she’s a broken old whore and wanted to leave her.
One can only hope that Ashton Kutcher and LeAnn Rimes will find their way to each other, and become the couple we all know they can be. As for Demi, eh, I don’t care.
Damn you Burns! I just choked out a perfectly good mouthful of wine.
Btw, “Demi Moore Files For Divorce From Ashton Kutcher And Is A Scrotum” would have been a fantastic headline. Just sayin’.
Women can be sensitive about infidelities on special holidays, birthdays and anniversaries.
So if you’re gonna fuck around make sure it’s just an ordinary day of the week.
Ashton picked the day to humiliate Demi and force her to divorce him. It’s gonna be a big payday for Ashton
Demi’s already been through one high profile high dollar Hollywood divorce.
I’m confident she has an air-tight prenup in place. Ashton has his “2.5 Men” paycheck; he ain’t getting shit from this except access to free range poon.
I think it’s sad. Divorce isn’t easy for anybody, regardless of how long you were married or how rich and famous you are. :o(
Maybe the whole Kabbalah thing would have worked out if she had used the red string to sew his eyes shut.
Is it just me, or do Demi and Madonna look more alike by the day? Holy scarecrow arms and emaciated faces? Not attractive. When weight loss shrinks tit size on a formerly healthy girl, it has gone too far. Don;t you fatties read too much into this. I said formerly healthy. Not formerly fat assed.
I actually thought she resembles Michael Jackson.
I’m confused….There was no brunette in Death Becomes Her
“I’m gonna hold my breath until I’m relevant again!”
So I guess Rumer and Talula get their balding genes from both sides
“Ashton liked when I pulled his hair like this”
“I sense you are curious about my knees”
Ok, Ashton, but just because your allowance is in ones doesn’t mean you should spend it at a strip club”
“I know, right? It’s funny they made a movie about my weight”
This is her “I’m happy for Bruce” face
AK? So Ashton’s sign off is a quote from Bill The Cat from Bloom County?
I think that would have been ‘ACK’. Just sayin’! And yes, I just checked my ‘Bloom County Babylon’ to be sure!
Great posts. All originals.
The one I didn’t see is the necessary outrage of another over-entitled celebrity calling marriage one of the toughest things in the world. I really wish there was some way to make these people understand how stupid and unaware they sound when they spout such stupid shit.
We need the laffs. Let ‘em blabber & tweet their silly asses off.
“Marriage is one of the most difficult things in the world and unfortunately sometimes they fail because someone sticks their penis into a couple of marginally good-looking party skanks. I will forever treasure the memory of sticking my penis into Demi Moore when sticking my penis in Demi Moore was still fun. Love and Light, AK”
+1!
How’s this for irony:
When she hooked up with Ashton, everyone went on and on about her age vs. his, her surgeries to look younger, how close he was in age to her daughter, etc. Her career seemed washed up, and he was raking in the millions on That 70′s Show.
Introduce Twitter, Facebook, Two-and-a-Half-Men.
He’s the loser douche replacing a crack-head in a bad sitcom that’s sinking in the ratings, he needs an agency to monitor his Tweets, his popularity is plummeting, and she’s now seen as an attractive middle-aged woman with a modicum of class who may be poised for a cinematic comeback. Didn’t see THAT coming, did we?
This is her third marriage. What cinematic comeback? Of the two I think he’s the douchier, but not by much.
That’s what happens when you marry a little boy who could be your son, Demi…
i have no idea what he saw in her. i’m guessing he fapped to her in the 90s and mistook it for love.
Good thing homos can’t get married…marriage is sacred. God meant one man to marry one woman 20 years older than him, and then to divorce her when better pussy comes along. That’s how it was in the bible, and that’s how it belongs today.
you didn’t divorce me…I divorced you!
Thank goodness, the world doesn’t need these douchebags procreating.
I think she’s past the age of being able to procreate.
Wait…so can Ashton bang Rumer now?
You have serious mental problems…
What? It’s a valid question.
Her chin would obliterate his grapes. He better stick to bitches with severe overbites.
the older…………..the wiser.
What so this open marriage had rules?
agree, I WAS JUST JOKING ABOUT THIS TRANNY!!
Ashton’s getting older too, but his acting isn’t getting any better.
His time’s gonna be up soon. Mark my words.
Cher, the behind the scenes people on Two n A Half Men reckon he is NOT FUNNY AT ALL. they said due to the great writers, he delivers the funny lines, but they say Charlie was a scream on anf off camera, where as Ashton is very robotic and lacks personality in real life. Interesting.
Good to know insiders think this way. Maybe they’ll dump him soon. But to be honest you don’t need insider info to know he’s a talentless moron. THM sucks since he’s in it.
Totally agree.
But I even think it’s funnier that he’s like, 35, and people are saying how “young” he is. He isn’t that young, he’s just acting like a 20 year old douche.
It’s catching up with him. : )
Married couples often have “arrangements.” One type of arrangement is where they agree to have an open marriage. Another type is where they never talk about it, but it’s understood that one or both fool around “on the side.” Sometimes, perhaps especially when the arrangement is of the latter type, there’s an unspoken rule that the fooling around on the side is kept secret, not so much from the other partner, but from everyone else (friends, family, paparazzi and gossip hounds in the case of celebrities). And what sometimes leads to divorce is when that rule is broken, even if it’s broken through no intention of the partner who fooled around on the side. It’s not the fooling around on the side that leads to divorce in such cases, it’s the fact that it came to light, resulting in the embarrassment of the partner who was fooled around on. I suspect that’s what happened here.
shut up and stop pretending you are the doctor phil of how to ‘secretly cheat’ you douche.
Just another Hollywood contract!
Let’s face it , Demi was humiliated .One of the oldest of all human emotions is shame , and she has been shamed by Ashton. Open Marriages rarely work because they fly in the face of basic emotional needs
Finally, a smart statement. Why get married if you can’t understand its basic rule of faithfulness? You don’t need to marry someone if all you really want is to sleep around. Some are happy being manwhores and sluts at least they aren’t like these celebrities getting married and then cheating on each other later on.
“Marriage is one of the most difficult things in the world and unfortunately sometimes they fail.”
Way to take responsibility AK. Whattadouche.
She should marry Hef. I wanna see who dies first.
He should be relieved that the dusty, dried up old Vag is finally gone.
Two things: Ashton is a douche (like we didn’t know before), this Sara chick is hot! I hope they made a sex tape. I’d watch it but I’m disgusted enough already with all the naked Kutcher on Two and a Half Men.
Not the best picture of Demi…. But I love love love that dress!
Charlie Sheen should send Demi some flowers and a check.
He´s such a dick..who updates their twitter status with something like that? “I will cherish my time with Demi” …? He forgot to add “NEXT!”.
How old is he? 12?
Why?
It’s called spam, darling.
gross ARMSSSSSS