Ashton Kutcher & Demi Moore Are Probably Getting A Divorce

September 28th, 2011 // 72 Comments

So remember when Demi Moore tweeted a naked picture of her back, and I jokingly insinuated it’s because Ashton Kutcher cheated again? Funny story… Here she is looking gaunt as hell at the premiere of Five on Monday admidst rumors he banged another chick who immediately ran to a lawyer to cash in. On top of that, the two have apparently hit the brakes on their normal amount of insane tweeting and spent their anniversary apart. People reports:

On Sept. 23, Moore shared a quote from Greek philosopher Epictetus, writing, “When we are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself & study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.”
The pair also spent their sixth wedding anniversary – Sept. 24 – apart.
Kutcher arrived in San Diego on Sept. 23 for a weekend of partying with his former That ’70s Show costar Danny Masterson. Among their stops: Fluxx nightclub, where they had a VIP table. The actor also refrained from Tweeting anything on his wedding anniversary.

What I find amazing is that Ashton and Demi study Kabbalah while his best friend Danny Masteron is a Scientologist, yet none of them could solve the age old conundrum of, “New vagina is better than old vagina.” It’s almost as if they’re both fad religions that don’t really do anything, but that can’t be right. Madonna is clearly a better person because of Kabbalah, and John Travolta only doomed one son because Scientology thinks antidepressants steal your space-soul. Had it been three or four, then maybe people should be a little more skeptical. Maybe.

Photos: Splash News


  1. Govt. Cheese

    I’d still hit that…nah I pass!

  2. Obi Wan Kenobi

    She looks terribad

  3. Demi Moore Skinny Divorce
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s like she’s TRYING to start shit with LeAnn Rimes….

  4. Richard McBeef

    Breaking up with her must be a difficult emotional time for Ashton. I just had to put my grandmother into hospice care so I know what he must be going through. It’s tough, but eventually he’ll realize it’s for the best.

  5. Billy Rubin

    She’s been touched by Madonna!

  6. Wait … they’re MARRIED? I just thought she adopted him!

  7. Hugh Gentry

    did they actually think they’d make it last? You don’t marry Demi…you bang her for a month then get rid of her old ass.

    • Weirdo

      I’d be happy to ass bang her until she finds a new guy! I just would’nt to deal with all the other bullshit for any longer than that.

    • my name

      well well I am not so sure.Demi is the one who wears pants,so she would bang you.

  8. EmmaWatson's Vagina


  9. Mr Obvious

    She doesn’t need a costume for Halloween.

    • Updoxx

      I know what you mean, her face looks like it’s made out of scar tissue. And, her hair, her hair looks like a fright wig.

  10. Tuppy

    “It’s almost as if they’re both fad religions that don’t really do anything”

    The Superficial Writer should be nominated for a Pulitzer. One sentence, Pulitzer. Done.

  11. Fletch

    She and Ole Skeletor Rimes should get together and make a movie. Crypt Keeper meets Skeletor.

  12. Demi Moore Skinny Divorce
    Commented on this photo:


  13. Demi Moore Skinny Divorce
    Commented on this photo:

    Is she in a race with LeAnn Rimes to be the WORLDS MOST SKINNY?

  14. crazypants

    Enough Hollywood women over 40 – Face or Ass.

    You have to choose – want the same tight Ass you had at 20 then your face will look like Demi’s/Madonna’s/Cameron’s – otherwise you look like Death.

    Allow yourselves to weigh a whopping 130lb and guess what – your lovely face will fill in, you’ll look more human, you’d still have a bazillion dollars and you’d still be smaller than 75% of this country’s population.

    Choose the Face, ladies.

    • I so agree. Sometimes if you have awesome genetics you can have both, but for the most part, women need to make their face a priority instead of constantly starving themselves trying to be a size 0-2.

  15. Demi Moore Skinny Divorce
    Commented on this photo:

    The Madonna arm trend is getting really OLD!

  16. Vagina

    While new vagina is better than old vagina, young vagina is also generally speaking better vagina than old vagina.

    Either way, old vagina loses.

    Unless of course, the new/young vagina is infected….in which case the penis is the loser.

  17. EricLr

    The basement full of virgins she would feast upon to maintain her beauty began to run out as she had to compete more and more with Gwyneth Paltrow’s voracious appetite. Now she’s turning to dust and Ashton has run for cover. And by “cover” I mean the nearest slut who thinks banging a TV star will make her famous.

  18. Feel My Turtle!

    Just to give you an idea how old her vagina is, I saw it live and in person 28 years ago!!! (she flashed the entire U of Md fraternity system while filming St Elmo’s fire).

    It was fine vagina then. But add 28 years to any vagina of legal age, and you’ve got problems

  19. sobrietyisacrutch

    She looks like Courtney Cox. And their situations are similar.

  20. Jake

    Open marriages can work. But it usually requires couples of the same general age, or an older man. The older man in the open marriage is looking for one thing: young poontang on demand. He doesn’t really care if the wife is banging the pool boy on the side. But this doesn’t work so well for the older woman. They struggle with the thought of the younger replacement- because their identity has been tied to their sexuality for so long. For a man, whose identity is tied to power and wealth, the young wife is another possession.

    • browny

      Bullshit. Are you seriously saying that some old git is okay with his hot young wife hitting the young, HARD, pool guy??? As if. Old men have the same problem of older women, with one important difference: older women can still fck, old men CAN”T get it up. Big difference.

      • Venom

        Older women can fuck, the problem is no one wants to fuck them.

        Older men can fuck too, you know there is this thing called Viagra and Cialis, been around for a little while now.

        As long as an older man is decent looking (men get distinguished, women just get old) and he has some cash, he will always have women.

        Those are the cold hard facts.

      • browny

        nah, old men get old and crusty and can’t get it up (even with viagra- which can’t be used by ALL- so what do the ones who can’t use it do??? um, lie there looking flaccid and small) whereas women can still do it. forever. young women DO NOT want to fuck old men, sorry, but they don’t. Whereas I noticed Ashton Kutcher doesn’t mind Demi. I also noticed a lot of posts in favour of: Liz Hurley, Jennifer Aniston, Cameron Diaz, et al. So yeah.
        Old men: ugh, please, please, please, go away. Distinguished? like who? Michael Douglas? Jack Nicholson? Woody Allen? Yeah they’re distinguished all right… if you’re blind. Sorry, those are the FACTS.

        Bring on Alex Skarsgard….

  21. See Alice

    It took Demi longer to hit ” The Wall ” . Demi has arrived .

  22. terry

    She’s a fucking beard! Ashton is into KY jelly and Ricky Martin commando style butt fucking!

  23. Trek Girl

    They were not practicing Kabbalah. They can call it that all they want, but they and those other celebrities were never, ever practicing Kabbalah.

  24. my name

    she needs some bear,a sandwich with cheese,Bruce Willis back and she will be fine.

  25. Bonky

    She’s turning into “Demi Jerky”. Not good.

    Any time a woman starves herself like that she is miserable.

  26. barbosa

    She had her breast implants removed which caused the remaining skin to bottom out like it was spring loaded.

    • Updoxx

      Whatever, she has the body of a 12-year old and not a body of a woman. I guess Ashton just realized how incredibly stupid she is. She changed the ending of the movie “The Scarlet Letter” because she said that no one ever read the whole book, anyway. Well, no one watched her movie because of her changing it into a fairytale. Good book by the way….. I read it in HS, something she knows nothing about and doesn’t even know what a GED looks like.

  27. Jen

    I don’t care for…well, any religeons, for various reasons…and Scientology is definitely the craziest of the bunch, but the Travolta dooming his son is just rude and horrible form. Go ahead and be “Superficial” or whatever, but no need to be a heartless cunt.

  28. tutu


  29. Demi Moore Skinny Divorce
    Commented on this photo:

    kabblah witches end up like this somehow

  30. forrest gump

    (right move)

  31. Revan

    he just realized she is his mom’s age

  32. HollyKMS

    She’s 48. So, yea, she’s aged. She’s nearly five decades old!! I think she looks great for 48 but she needs to put on about 15 pounds before she continues to look like that ritteri anemone that i had that got caught in the powerhead. (Jus’ sayin’) And, anyway, no way a woman that age can keep a 33YO interested enough to stay home. Nature’s a bitch but she always wins. Sorry Demi.

  33. Crankybitch

    She looks great. I love her dress. Anybody know the designer?

  34. Demi Moore Skinny Divorce
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks fine to me. If Ashton’s tired of her, I’ll take her.

  35. jon anderson

    she still looks good for 62

  36. brandy

    Demi is beautiful no matter her age and Ashton is a kid not even understanding life yet. Later he will recognize his loss and hopefully it’ll be too late!

  37. cathi shearer

    Who has been dress you Demi ?? Looks terrible like an old maid

  38. Imran khan

    Hey being a guy myself I can safely tell u guys who cheat on their wives/girlfriends will do so no matter how beautiful they might be. Give Demi a break he’s a cheater and would have done the same even if she was 20 years old.

  39. Demi Moore Skinny Divorce
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m confused….There was no brunette in Death Becomes Her

  40. Demi Moore Skinny Divorce
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’m gonna hold my breath until I’m relevant again!”

  41. Demi Moore Skinny Divorce
    Commented on this photo:

    So I guess Rumer and Talula get their balding genes from both sides

  42. Demi Moore Skinny Divorce
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ashton liked when I pulled his hair like this”

  43. Demi Moore Skinny Divorce
    Commented on this photo:

    “I sense you are curious about my knees”

  44. Demi Moore Skinny Divorce
    Commented on this photo:

    Ok, Ashton, but just because your allowance is in ones doesn’t mean you should spend it at a strip club”

  45. Demi Moore Skinny Divorce
    Commented on this photo:

    “I know, right? It’s funny they made a movie about my weight”

  46. Demi Moore Skinny Divorce
    Commented on this photo:

    This is her “I’m happy for Bruce” face

  47. Demi Moore Skinny Divorce
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s what happens when you marry a little boy who could be your son, Demi…

  48. Demi Moore Skinny Divorce
    Commented on this photo:

    i have no idea what he saw in her. i’m guessing he fapped to her in the 90s and mistook it for love.

  49. Demi Moore Skinny Divorce
    Commented on this photo:

    Good thing homos can’t get married…marriage is sacred. God meant one man to marry one woman 20 years older than him, and then to divorce her when better pussy comes along. That’s how it was in the bible, and that’s how it belongs today.

  50. Demi Moore Skinny Divorce
    Commented on this photo:

    She should marry Hef. I wanna see who dies first.

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