In her defense, I’m sober and it even took me an hour to realize she’s not hugging Snooki.
While filming an episode of Jersey Shore yesterday, Deena Cortese apparently looked down at her script and saw the words, “You’re the one who gets arrested this season,” so here she is horse-hammered drunk before being hauled off the boardwalk by the Seaside Heights police and bailed out by her parents an hour later who I’ll just assume handed her a fifth of Jack because “mortgage payments don’t grow on trees. young lady.” Also, they’re thinking about a pool. RadarOnline reports:
Patrolman Chris Linnel, allegedly spotted her in the middle of a street, slapping cars that were driving by.
“Nothing major, but we can’t put up with it,” Chief Boyd said.
Deena was taken in handcuffs to the Seaside Heights police station where she was served a summons and then released.
I like how the police are trying to downplay the severity of the situation when I happen to have a transcript of the 911 call right here in my hand:
Dispatcher: 911, what’s your emergency?
Caller: “It’s a minotaur with tits! A minotaur with tits is standing in the middle of the street letting cars run into it. They’re not even hurting it!”
Dispatcher: Sir, I need you to calm down. Where is your location?
Caller: “Ohmygod, it saw me! It saw me! No, no, get off my penis. NOOOO-”
Dispatcher: Sir? Sir? Are you alright? [pause] Sir?
[loud explosion, several voices screaming in the background]
Unidentified voice: “Our tanks are useless. Repeat. Our tanks are use- OH, GOD, IT’S HUMPING ME!”