Jersey Shore’s Deena Arrested For Drunkenly Slapping Cars

June 11th, 2012 // 86 Comments
Sound Familiar?
Snooki Drunk Arrested
Snooki Gets Arrested Read More »

In her defense, I’m sober and it even took me an hour to realize she’s not hugging Snooki.

While filming an episode of Jersey Shore yesterday, Deena Cortese apparently looked down at her script and saw the words, “You’re the one who gets arrested this season,” so here she is horse-hammered drunk before being hauled off the boardwalk by the Seaside Heights police and bailed out by her parents an hour later who I’ll just assume handed her a fifth of Jack because “mortgage payments don’t grow on trees. young lady.” Also, they’re thinking about a pool. RadarOnline reports:

Patrolman Chris Linnel, allegedly spotted her in the middle of a street, slapping cars that were driving by.
“Nothing major, but we can’t put up with it,” Chief Boyd said.
Deena was taken in handcuffs to the Seaside Heights police station where she was served a summons and then released.

I like how the police are trying to downplay the severity of the situation when I happen to have a transcript of the 911 call right here in my hand:

Dispatcher: 911, what’s your emergency?
Caller: “It’s a minotaur with tits! A minotaur with tits is standing in the middle of the street letting cars run into it. They’re not even hurting it!”
Dispatcher: Sir, I need you to calm down. Where is your location?
Caller: “Ohmygod, it saw me! It saw me! No, no, get off my penis. NOOOO-”
[crunching sound]

Dispatcher: Sir? Sir? Are you alright? [pause] Sir?
[loud explosion, several voices screaming in the background]
Unidentified voice: “Our tanks are useless. Repeat. Our tanks are use- OH, GOD, IT’S HUMPING ME!”
[crunching sound]

END CALL

Photo: INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    zo
    Commented on this photo:

    ?????

  2. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    DD
    Commented on this photo:

    Has she seriously not learned to lift up her asscheeks when she lays in a tanning bed? That’s taught at Jersey elementary schools the first day in Fake Tanning 101.

  3. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    deon
    Commented on this photo:

    would have fun,riding that azz.

  4. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    drool
    Commented on this photo:

    bet that can stink up a toilet!

  5. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Shugar Fox
    Commented on this photo:

    Hahaha, shes having a goood time guys!

  6. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    fu
    Commented on this photo:

    at least those other ladies are getting a cheap lul. yuck man.

  7. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    bt
    Commented on this photo:

    wanna know how I got these scars?

  8. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Racer X
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d hit it.

    /after a 6-Pack or two

  9. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    sassy
    Commented on this photo:

    If only one of the cars hit her back. It was totally self defense!

  10. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Commented on this photo:

    Not pictured – The midget who attacked her with an ice pick.

  11. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Kelli
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t know who this bitch is, but she needs to invest in a treadmill if she plans on wearing shorts like that.

  12. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Commented on this photo:

    Some body should tell Dena to use BROZER on her BOOTY! or heck, how a bout longer shorts???

Leave A Comment