Jersey Shore’s Deena Arrested For Drunkenly Slapping Cars

June 11th, 2012 // 86 Comments
Sound Familiar?
Snooki Drunk Arrested
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In her defense, I’m sober and it even took me an hour to realize she’s not hugging Snooki.

While filming an episode of Jersey Shore yesterday, Deena Cortese apparently looked down at her script and saw the words, “You’re the one who gets arrested this season,” so here she is horse-hammered drunk before being hauled off the boardwalk by the Seaside Heights police and bailed out by her parents an hour later who I’ll just assume handed her a fifth of Jack because “mortgage payments don’t grow on trees. young lady.” Also, they’re thinking about a pool. RadarOnline reports:

Patrolman Chris Linnel, allegedly spotted her in the middle of a street, slapping cars that were driving by.
“Nothing major, but we can’t put up with it,” Chief Boyd said.
Deena was taken in handcuffs to the Seaside Heights police station where she was served a summons and then released.

I like how the police are trying to downplay the severity of the situation when I happen to have a transcript of the 911 call right here in my hand:

Dispatcher: 911, what’s your emergency?
Caller: “It’s a minotaur with tits! A minotaur with tits is standing in the middle of the street letting cars run into it. They’re not even hurting it!”
Dispatcher: Sir, I need you to calm down. Where is your location?
Caller: “Ohmygod, it saw me! It saw me! No, no, get off my penis. NOOOO-”
[crunching sound]

Dispatcher: Sir? Sir? Are you alright? [pause] Sir?
[loud explosion, several voices screaming in the background]
Unidentified voice: “Our tanks are useless. Repeat. Our tanks are use- OH, GOD, IT’S HUMPING ME!”
[crunching sound]

END CALL

Photo: INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. tits mcgee

    She’s actually a lead expert on quantum chromodynamics.

  2. Rapsutin's Evil Twin

    All right, it’s time to poison their herpes medication and get it the hell over with.

  3. The people who watch this shit haven’t gotten bored yet?

  4. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Yep.
    Commented on this photo:

    Apparently “where the sun don’t shine” take on new meaning in a tanning booth.

  5. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    King Diamond
    Commented on this photo:

    My God! My eyes!

  6. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    King Diamond
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like a 60+ year old tranny.

  7. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Stryfe
    Commented on this photo:

    “Dad, please drive me home”

  8. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    King Diamond
    Commented on this photo:

    Classy! With cigarette clutched in hand.

  9. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    cuddles
    Commented on this photo:

    This chick makes a porn star specializing in DVDA look virginal.

  10. Bonky

    Of course this was going to happen, the idiots just starting shooting the new season. In just a few days they had a fight in a bar and deena acting like snooki.

    Next time put her ass in jail for a week and see how funny she thinks it is. MTV and their fake drama upsetting traffic and wasting the police and courts time.

    • Anon

      Pretty much how I read into it too. They get arrested for the show. Notice how there is never any follow up news after they get arrested and the episode airs?

      Lindsay meth farts in public and she received 3 court dates as punishment.

  11. floyd

    Did she damage any of the cars with her buttocks or face?

  12. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    CK
    Commented on this photo:

    Just tryin’ to get her own spinoff…

  13. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    donkeylicks
    Commented on this photo:

    Honey Badger don’t give a fuck!

  14. kimmykimkim

    I’m sorry, but did you say “slapping cars?”. Slapping? Cars? The fuck? And this whole time I’ve been lead to believe this is not a good show!

  15. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Commented on this photo:

    “Snookiiiii!! I missed yoooouuuuu!”

  16. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Commented on this photo:

    “Get the Clorox wipes…no wait…make that the flamethrower.”

  17. AAPL made me rich!

    Ashamed to be of the same species.

  18. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Commented on this photo:

    NO ONE wants to see YOU DEENA!!! GO AWAY!!!

  19. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Feels like it’s officially summer now.
    I blame it all on MTV.

  20. DeucePickle

    Does anyone what the M in MTV stands for? I forget.

    • DeucePickle

      Let’s try that again.
      Does anyone remember what the M in MTV stands for ?

      • JC

        Apparently it stands for “Moosebutt.”

      • Letters in cable abbreviations don’t stand for anything anymore. AMC is not American Movie Classics (a lot of it’s not movies, and the movies often aren’t classics), TLC is not The Learning Channel (unless you think Cake Boss and Say Yes to the Dress are educational), and A&E is neither arty nor entertaining. Also, the History Channel has pretty much abandoned history.

      • Rapsutin's Evil Twin

        Don’t forget Bravo, which may have had perfoming arts programs once, but is now either endless “West Wing” reruns or “The Fake-titted Skank Housewhores of Wherever the Fuck We Are This TIme”

        Time to hock the TV and spend the proceeds on vodka.

      • Bravo stopped rerunning The West Wing two years ago.

        *sigh*

  21. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    GLT
    Commented on this photo:

    I whip my hair back and fo…BLAAARRGHH!

  22. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    DeucePickle
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ok, wow, that’s actually bigger than what I normally see from the greased up steroid freaks i usually hook up with on an hourly basis”.

  23. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    GLT
    Commented on this photo:

    They must be so proud.

  24. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    hansel
    Commented on this photo:

    And suddenly the summer dog-walking gig that Hunter’s mom made him take got interesting.

  25. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Crissy
    Commented on this photo:

    She definitely gets creative when it comes to cock sucking!

  26. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Gumy Davis
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it bad that I want to pound that from the backside? Teach her a lesson or two?

    • Cock Dr

      It’s bad.
      The desire to teach a lesson is understandable, but the type of lesson you’re planning would put you at high risk for STDs.

  27. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s smiling at me.

  28. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    mrsmass
    Commented on this photo:

    slippers, really?

  29. So let me see if I understand this. Deena Cortese gets arrested for slapping cars with her hand, while Lindsay Lohan…

  30. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh, JWoww. I think I’ll miss you most of all.”

  31. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Sheppy
    Commented on this photo:

    Awesome.

    :/

  32. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    I believe the technical term for this is “pulling a Lohan”.

  33. Mike Walker

    Here’s your chance Toni. Bail her out and you can be in gunt slapping heaven by sundown.

  34. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    terry
    Commented on this photo:

    I would fuck that!
    I don’t care how nasty or crazy that bitch is I’d tap that ass all night.

  35. Balls been slapping her chin like crazy but she can’t slap a few cars?

  36. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Joe Blow
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow… the backs of her knees have old woman skin…

  37. Fish’s description is fucking classic.

  38. tlmck

    Classy bunch of folks at MTV.

  39. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Commented on this photo:

    [img]http://www.thesuperficial.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/11/sdfsdfds-192_188.png[/img]

  40. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Commented on this photo:

    I smell a “Parents-of-the-Year” nomina… wait, that’s not what I smell at all.

  41. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    nauticalstar
    Commented on this photo:

    They must be so proud of their waste of life they call a daughter.

  42. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Raoul
    Commented on this photo:

    Even as he was about to be mauled by the beast, Danny never spilled a drop of that beer. He knew he’d need it. Either to break over the beast’s head to escape its clutches, or to drink away the tears after.

  43. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Raoul
    Commented on this photo:

    Thought going through the cop’s mind: “One taser’s not gonna be enough.”

  44. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Raoul
    Commented on this photo:

    “… Parents just don’t understand…”

  45. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Blech
    Commented on this photo:

    She should have been arrested for raping a perfectly innocent baker bunny.

  46. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Blech
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah, I’ll never ever feel like shit about myself ever again. Thanks, Deena!

  47. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Blech
    Commented on this photo:

    The waste of life is probably paying the mortgage of her low-life parents.

  48. European

    Police in USA are still arresting people for just being drunk and walking or sitting? A victimless crime?

  49. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    Cher X
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks the same age as her Mom. Not a good thing.

  50. Deena Cortese Arrested Public Drunkenness And Disorderly Conduct
    zo
    Commented on this photo:

    trash

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