David Spade ‘texted’ Heather Locklear after DUI

October 6th, 2008 // 24 Comments

David Spade, who somehow dated Heather Locklear in 2006 (Damn his hobbit magic!), texted her shortly after her recent DUI arrest to lend his support, according to People:

“I think things get blown out a lot of proportion,” said Spade. “She’s always solid and always a great person. And I think people understand she’s in a tough situation and she does her best.”

That’s nice. Because right after you get arrested for DUI you want to be reminded you dated David Spade. Jesus, while you’re at it, you might as well call her fat then insult her cooking.


  1. Madison

    Heh. Ok Spade.

  2. BigJim

    Every time I see him I am reminded of the book Gulliver’s Travels.

  3. Erica

    I bet the memory of his flabby lifetime-untoned pasty white belly cheered her up considerably. Especially since, in her flashback, there was a tiny worm-like penis just under it, struggling to eject a few dribbles of foul smelling yellowish-white semen.

  4. BigJim


    You seem to know an awful lot about the amount, fragrance, color and ejeculatory force of Mr. Spade’s semen. Why is that?

  5. Erica

    #4 – don’t talk to your mom that way.

  6. So he text her,,,is that info i ought to know?

  7. Sarah Palin

    See??!! He texted her!!! That means he was intoxicated too, and that he supports driving while intoxicated!!! You betcha!

  8. YO, yo ,yo Just hit me on my cell phone cool…

  9. Harry

    If you get a really hot chick after they hit the wall, does it really count?

    I mean, does it mean anything if I get Bridget Bardot now?

  10. I always text my exes immediately upon hearing that they’re drunk. I don’t see what the big deal is here.

  11. Sam

    He texted her and it said “McCain and Palin decided to drop to the very bottom of the political cesspool today with their mudslinging to try to change the primary topic of the debate, but it won’t work. Even as they did it, the stock market dropped 500 points as banks and markets around the world continue to collapse. Your job and your money may not survive the next few months. You can’t count on McCain/Palin to fix the mess because he’s never understood economics and Palin has only learned about the world outside Alaska for, like, 5 weeks.”

  12. Frist's admirer

    I bet he twat is more used up than Frist’s. Stretched and meaty with a hearty stenching fragrance that screams “One day old fish, getcha seconds on the fiiiiish!”

  13. He sent her a web site worth looking at:


    Because rockin’ obama the new messiah was the second highest recipient of campain money from both Freddie Mac / Fannie Mae. But don’t you dare point that out. Remember it is all Bush’s fault! Don’t point out that obama has ties to home grown terrorists and that scumbag Rev Wright. Don’t you dare point that out.

  14. Alice

    #13 – do you really think that stuff is going to work? I’m sure the “base” conservatives eat it up, but the Republicans have been slinging it for months and months and McCain’s numbers are only going down. The remaining independent voters want somebody to fix the economic crisis before we slide in a long-lasting depression. They don’t give a damn about anything else, and in fact, they get pissed off by the endless mudslinging. As long as you keep this up, Obama only has to remain calm and “presidential” – and as opaque as ever – and he’ll win the election. Does McCain have anything of substance to offer to all the people who don’t give a crap about internet rumors?

  15. John McCain

    I was one of the Keating Five. I ruined peoples lives and screwed old people out of thier savings. I’m a maverick.

  16. Slut

    How does David Spade get people talking politics. Guess that means I will have to text Obama after he loses.

  17. JFK

    I’d sure like to give Heather a piece of my mind, but I have none.

  18. sarah Palin

    Let us pray that our brave troops stay safe while doing Gods work. Amen!


    After I’m elected I will, in addition to my VP duties, head the new National Faith Based Electorate Institute to ensure that future candidates are truly Christian men and women seeking to advance Christianity in the form of new initiatives such as Crusades and Inquisitions. After all, only REAL Christians should be armed across the planet. We willl ensure that the entire planet believes in Christianity, ushering in the end times!

    (long applause)

    Vote McCain (Palin)



  19. The White Urkle

    She used to be hot. Now, just sad and lonely.

  20. Liberace

    She dated David Spade? I didn’t know she was gay!

  21. Arroyo

    What better time to hit on Heather than while she’s drunk?

    It’s in the dating handbook, page 666 – live it, lean it, love it.

    yep folks, WITH SUICIDE THAT IS!!

  23. T-Dawg30

    Why is he dressed like an 8th grader?

  24. She used to be hot. Now, just sad and lonely

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