David Spade is a dad

September 4th, 2008 // 46 Comments

Remember when David Spade found out he knocked up a Playboy Bunny? I’m kidding. No one does. But that didn’t stop a baby girl from popping out of Jillian Grace’s vagina making David Spade a first-time daddy and, also, a first-time wage garnishee. People reports:

“David and Jillian have been in close contact throughout her pregnancy and he plans to go see the baby during his first break from shooting Rules of Engagement,” Spade’s rep, Meredith O’Sullivan, tells PEOPLE.

Hopefully, the lesson learned here is that Hugh Hefner really needs someone on hand tying up tubes at the mansion. Guys like David Spade deserve quality customer service that goes above and beyond simply not laughing at their penis. Which, don’t get me wrong, is always appreciated. Or so I hear – from other people. Who aren’t me. I’m hung like a spaceship!

superficial

  1. the dentist

    first

  2. Yvonne

    Grats

  3. qePuppet

    Gross.

  4. Eric

    See? It’s the Sarah Palin effect, already. Expect a wave of children born out of wedlock, because suddenly the conservative Christian right wing says that’s perfectly ok.

  5. noneyobeezwax

    i initially read the headline and thought it said “david spade is DEAD” – somehow i’m more shocked that he fathered a child.

  6. michele20

    Hey Eric aka #4, the playboy whore was prgers before Sarah Palin was even thought of. So now that you look stupid. Let me school you in something else. I’m sure you don’t go to church, and know nothing about christian ways. So here is un-wed sex 101. Sure there are christians that mess up and have sex when they aren’t married. But you have to repent for what you have done. Nobody on the Christian wing of anything is saying that it is ok EVER have un-wed sex, and we especially wont ever say that anything a playboy bunny does is ok. Unless she comes to church to become a Christian. Maybe you should get your facts straight before you go spouting off at the mouth…

    You don’t come to church because you are saved, you come to church to be saved thank you.

  7. Cheepo

    Am i the only one that thought it said “David Spade is dead” at first glance?
    Anyways, on to the more important stuff, im FIRST!!!!

  8. Can I have some hot unwed anal and then go get saved, and then pop out babies like a playboy bunny, and then repent when I find out the father is David Spade?

  9. havoc

    Shouldn’t that read “David Spade is a Fag”?

    I never could stand this little bitch….

    .

  10. dude_on

    Why is it suddenly this site has become a haven for political speak? Who gives a bleep about any of that bs – other than the fact that the next VP of the US has a great rack.

    Back to our regularly scheduled program… How did this wuss ever get a playmate? Does this mean if I had been born a midget with a pension for stale comedic tendencies I too could have scored hot women who go naked for cash and notoriety?

  11. Richard McBeef

    Hey Eric #6. Now that you have passed un-wed sex 101, lets go to the advanced class.

    Cheated on your wife with a dead asian prostitute? Repent and you are A-OK!
    Gave your wife herpes from fucking that prostitute? Repent and you are A-OK!
    Got your dick sucked by a stranger in an airport bathroom? Repent and you are A-OK!
    Fuck some little boys? Repent and you are A-OK!

    That is why christianity is so fucking awesome! You can do whatever you want, tell Jesus you are sorry, and then you can keep that bullshit righteous attitude that you are better than non-christians and that you will go to heaven.

    FUCK YEAH JESUS!!!!!

  12. so true

    #11 so right on it is absolutely sick! When will these people wake up??????

  13. so true

    #11 so right on it is absolutely sick! When will these people wake up??????

  14. Turd Ferguson

    @ 11:

    So true, so true

  15. Turd Ferguson

    Dang nabbit, jillian done makes us in missouruh all proud like.
    I caint speek fer the peeple in missouri, but i luves her

  16. Bravo, I say, Bravo Mr. Spade. Defective rubbers are standard issue at the Mansion

  17. Richard McBeef

    Michele20 – #6

    Love the judgment passing on that PB bunny! I thought that your god was supposed to do the judging, right?

    Get your fucking facts straight, bitch. Try non-fiction, you might learn something.

  18. Since it was just one child, does David has access to suckle on the extra bugling breast?

  19. jo

    christians are so annoying. I agree with #11

  20. michele20

    McBeef just because those are thing that you’ve done doesn’t mean that you can’t be saved either. It’s A-OK I’ll pray for you.

  21. ZUZU

    Did he wet his pants?

  22. rough daddy

    michele20 – I like you,, you should come by my plac and we can fuck,,, i’ll hit it from the back while you are knelt down praying,,,after a few months, you can have my abortion,,, then we go to church, repent and keep thinking that we are better than thos heathan folks

  23. Deacon Jones

    @11 Nice McBeef

    They’re total fucking hypocrites. It’s one of the main reasons Im a democrat. I was watching clips of the RNC last night and wanted to puke.

    David Spade shouldve drowned this bitch in the deep end of the pool at the ranch

  24. Sarah Palin's Boy Toy

    #4, do you think it takes less than a week to conceive, and deliver a baby. The Palin effect, you are reaching harder than Verne Troyer on his tippy toes going for a squeeze of one of Jessica Simpson’s tits.

  25. rough daddy

    spade’s kool!

  26. Rant

    Congrats, David.

  27. rough daddy

    #22 get your own name thx

  28. minniememe

    why is there a picture of Ellen if the post is about David Spade?

  29. JohnnyL

    Why does he always have to look like a dirtbag?

  30. rough daddy

    #27 get your own name thx

  31. Hector De ChiChi

    #21 – I hate to admit it but I too noticed the spot in David Spade’s nether regions.

    I think he’s just really excited when any paparazzi take his pic.

    Now, if we can just get the rumor started that Bristol Palin’s baby is fathered by David Spade, then we’ve really got something…

  32. ramona putz

    Oh please people, this reeks of Clay Aiken and Ricky Martin.
    Who’s next? Jeremy Piven?
    David Spade’s heterosexuality is about as real as Ashley Simpson’s face and singing ability.
    By the way McBeef, you are bang-on! Tell it like it is.

  33. Hecubus

    Just thought I’d point out, you made a typo in the title of this post. Douche is NOT spelled d.a.d. No biggie, I just thought I’d point it out to you.

  34. quake

    fa fa flo hi

  35. michele20

    Here you go McBeef, ya big truth teller. Tell me why this guy is pretty much explaining you. And you can lie, and deny that you aren’t afraid of this. But I know better than that.

  36. Shar

    Shocked it wasn’t twins again, but then David Spade is the father! I am surprised this little man actually had little guys that could swim up stream.

  37. -o- matic

    Who would have thought that this site was sice a magnet for the evangelical crowd? Arn’t there any Christian bikini sites you can go to? It’s not Sunday so leave me alone- I was born right the first time.

    I’m going to hotchickswithdouchebags.com

  38. Richard McBeef

    @35 – “Tell me why this guy is pretty much explaining you.”

    What the fuck are you talking about?

  39. NY Ted

    Fuck…the guy is always stoned out of his pea-brained mind! Instead of giving the kid its bottle…Spade will stick a big fat spleef in its mouth!

  40. belicoso

    I feel pretty confident that David Spade is not going to be getting millions of dollars for his baby’s first photo shoot a la Larry Birkhead or Matthew McConaughey…..mainly because he’s not important enough. At least that means he won’t be able to exploit his child to the media like the others. I couldn’t even tell you the last thing I saw that he was in….maybe that movie about handicapped kids with the guy from Napoleon Dynamite?

  41. phartizan

    Yeah, he either wet his pants or jizzed on ‘em.

  42. judge not

    michele 20 aka #6, someone must have hit you with a stupid stick, I quote ” the playboy whore was preggers”. Its hypocritical fucks like you that give christianity a bad name, here is unwed sex 501. If having unwed sex makes you a whore,then by your definition the palin girl is a whore as well, if your definition of whore is a woman who been scantily dressed in public then you are accusing a huge number of women of being of loose morals because of the way they dress or undress. On the other hand if you took that mote out of your eye, you would remember that one of the tenets of christianity is ‘judge not that ye may not be judged’.And just like you are sure that Eric #4 ” doesn’t go to church and knows nothing of christian ways”, I am sure that you are a moronic retard who needs to keep the fuck off our sinful websites with all the pics of scantily dressed woman and get your ass to church and stay there, until it is time for you to put on your stripper outfit and go on the stroll, you seem to be so quick to recognize prostitutes, I feel it must be the voice of experience talking

  43. michele20

    Oh well thanks for that judge not. Glad to see you are drinking the cool aid. But what is funny to me is. That you can quote your new revised bible. But yet you cuss me out. Not one time have I used a cuss word. So let me break it down since you all seem to get suck on two sentences. At the end I said, and I quote, “You don’t come to church because you are saved, you come to church to be saved.” What people don’t get about religion is that it isn’t once saved always saved. If you mess up like Bristol and you don’t repent for it. You are going to hell. Now to say that I am judging a playboy bunny when there is nothing really to judge. When you put yourself out in the open to take off your clothes and have people take pictures of it for magazines to sell. Well, I guess that would make you a whore in allot of peoples eyes. Does that mean that she is a bad person? No. Does that mean she couldn’t cure things like cancer? No. But does that any of that mean you are going to get into heaven because you did all that? No. You have to live the life, you have to say no to things down here to rain there. And as for all the atheist who are so upset that a christian would get on here and voice her opinion, I don’t care that is what makes this country so great. I can get on here and say what I want to. Hello! There isn’t a warning before you get on here that says if you have faith, this sight might question it. So I will read up on what I want to. And what I think is funny.

    Oh, and you want to talk about hypocrite. You read this stuff just like I do. When all the superficial guy does is judge people. Day in and day out. He might get a story right here and there. But the only reason you like it is because he says There is no God. I mean whatevs. Looks like if you’re going to call someone a hypocrite, you should look in the mirror.

  44. judge not

    Damn right I cursed you out, you got on this site and passed judgment on a woman you did not know first, I guess it feels different when the shoe is on the other foot,was it “christian” to call her a whore?, and I repeat you proclaim yourself a christian what are you doing on TMZ, aren’t there any edifying websites that you can go and cruise, I don’t feel constrained because unlike you I am not making any claims of being “christian”, you cannot on one hand indirectly proclaim yourself the moral arbiter of right and wrong and on the other hand be doing the same things that the “unbelievers’ you chide for unchristian ways are doing, that is where the hypocrisy comes in, if you had paid closer attention to your bible you might have noticed the part where it says ‘for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God’. I repeat I do not pretend to be a “christian”but you could bet that if I ever did become one I wouldn’t be so quick to pass judgment on others . Sure I read this stuff I love it even when I come across fuckwits like you , don’t you get it the “TMZ guy” isn’t out there pretending that he just got out of church, he isn’t pretending to be anything other than what he is. you on the other hand , as a self professed christian by the very nature of what you say you are, will conventionally be held to a higher standard,or are you telling me that you would feel comfortable if your pastor happened to come across you whilst you were surfing some of the racier TMZ pics.That is why we laugh at you and your Jim Bakkers, and your Craigs and your Gingriches and the list goes on. You all are the ‘whited sepulchres of the new testament, I stand by what I said, I call bullshit on you and your so called christian ways. And do you realize how idiotic you sound “the only reason you like it is because he says there is no God “what the fuck does that have to do with anything.

  45. canada is to close

    1.she’s a little old for you david.
    2. pros get the money before the baby shows up.

  46. arroyo

    Well done, Jillian, “Mission Accomplished.”

    I guess Dave was wearing the sign that said, “f*** me, I have plenty of money for child support.”

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