David Spade is a dad

Remember when David Spade found out he knocked up a Playboy Bunny? I’m kidding. No one does. But that didn’t stop a baby girl from popping out of Jillian Grace’s vagina making David Spade a first-time daddy and, also, a first-time wage garnishee. People reports:

“David and Jillian have been in close contact throughout her pregnancy and he plans to go see the baby during his first break from shooting Rules of Engagement,” Spade’s rep, Meredith O’Sullivan, tells PEOPLE.

Hopefully, the lesson learned here is that Hugh Hefner really needs someone on hand tying up tubes at the mansion. Guys like David Spade deserve quality customer service that goes above and beyond simply not laughing at their penis. Which, don’t get me wrong, is always appreciated. Or so I hear – from other people. Who aren’t me. I’m hung like a spaceship!