David Hasselhoff’s 14-year-old daughter attempted to commit suicide last night by trying to “cut herself.” She was taken to a local hospital for treatment although her condition isn’t being disclosed.
I don’t want to be too insensitive about this, but I can see how waking up every morning knowing you might see your dad doing this (watch the video) would really crush your spirits. It’s tough enough being a teenager, but combine that with being The Hoff’s kid and there’s really no way you’re gonna make it through life without trying this at least once.
UPDATE: Reports are now coming in that Hasselhoff’s suicide call to the police may have been phony. Which possibly makes him the worst human being on the planet, second only to that guy who keeps stealing my newspaper. You stealing bastard, I’m going to kill you!
blueballs | September 25, 2006 at 9:20 am
NOT FIRST
YOu would too if your dad was him.
blueballs | September 25, 2006 at 9:21 am
If I were her, I’d request to live with the mom. Why would you want to be with DAD and his floosey 16 year old girlfriend listening to him sing in the car. Pass me the shotgun.
CelebSlam.com | September 25, 2006 at 9:28 am
Where’s KIT and his sage-like advice when you need him?
http://www.celebslam.com
Equalparts | September 25, 2006 at 9:30 am
I just read this interview he did with Pople magazine where he is such a freakin’ TOOL!!! He’s talking about dating 20 year olds now that he is divorced from his kid’s mom, how it grosses his daughters out, how he thinks he looks awesome for his age, how right now he’s on the “cool” list with the youngn’s, etc. If my dad was such a self-absorbed, prententious asswipe as him, I’d have done the job right cutting my arms up. Hopefully “The Hoff” got a freakin’ wake up call on this one. Grow up, moron! His stupid cell phone ringtone is the Knight Rider theme song and he’s developing a line of “don’t hassle the hoff” t-shirts of something. Barf.
sezu | September 25, 2006 at 9:37 am
she was driven to insanity by watch 1000 hours of him trying to hold in his stomach on Baywatch
RichPort | September 25, 2006 at 9:39 am
The only way to off yourself properly is to take the razor and slash deeply ALONG the vein where the wound is harder to stop, not across the vein where you can plug it up with a fucking bandaid. DUUUHHH!!! It must suck to be such a fucking loser, you even suck at killing yourself.
Now before any of you appalled assfaces start screaming about my insensitivity, I’d like to beat you to the punch by inviting you to choke on my throbbing erection. That will be all.
edb87 | September 25, 2006 at 9:46 am
I’m sorry I’m not sensitive on this one. I would be honored myself if the Hoff was my father and sang like that. It’s as if the voice of God came down and entered a man. She’s got no idea what she has there.
http://www.edquartersaudio.com
datter | September 25, 2006 at 9:48 am
So a 14 year old girl attempts suicide and you jackasses are going to make fun of it? That’s pathetic.
jc7676 | September 25, 2006 at 9:49 am
He and his wife are having an incredibly ugly divorce. He’s accused her drug abuse, she accused him of hitting her. I suspect they are both telling the truth. Either way, it must be really painful for the daughter. I actually feel bad for her and I never feel bad for anyone.
Angry Ferret Jones | September 25, 2006 at 9:49 am
That sucks. You gotta hate the Hoff, but I can’t see her life sucking that bad. Although I must admit that if I went to school with her I would probably run that Night Rider shit in to the ground. Because, as many of you have pointed out, I am a prick.
Hey, Little Hoff – I have punched my way through some pretty fucked-up stuff, and I think you can make it through life having a giant douche-bag for a dad. Life is a big shit sandwich, and sometimes we all have to take a bite.
Buck up little camper. One day we will all forget about Night Rider, and Bay Watch, and German Pop Music. One day.
@6 – I think your prediction will come true. Right around post 25-30 this will be a fucking bloodbath of holy righteousness.
UNWASHEDMASSES | September 25, 2006 at 10:53 am
She’s probably been relentlessly teased at school for the “Get Outta My Car” video. Being a teenager is hard enough, what with pimples and growth spurts. I can’t imagine having a dad like The Hoff. How many of us would cringe at getting dropped off at high school by a daddy, let alone seeing him pick up German whores in a cyclopean Trans-Am? My deepest sympathies are extended.
Wampoon.com | September 25, 2006 at 10:54 am
Damn that kid’s ugly. Sad that she tried to kill herself though.
http://www.wampoon.com
Darby | September 25, 2006 at 10:56 am
That is very sad.
happy_bunny | September 25, 2006 at 10:58 am
This story shouldn’t even be in the news. It’s not the public’s business. Couldn’t they have just told whoever asked that she was ‘exhausted’ or some such?
Madrid Marriott | September 25, 2006 at 10:59 am
Are we sure she wasn’t slashed by a falling chandelier in the bathroom while she was trying to shave her pits?
jrzmommy | September 25, 2006 at 10:59 am
It’s taken her 14 years? Jeez….I would’ve tried to take a bubble bath with the toaster at least 5 years ago if I were this kid.
commissioner | September 25, 2006 at 11:03 am
Somebody should have told the kid that sometimes things aren’t going to go her way.
Now some nice people on a psych unit are going to have to tell her the facts of life.
biatcho | September 25, 2006 at 11:05 am
Thank you Superficial. The first time you posted the Hooked on a Feeling “video” I was so hungover after being forced to sleep on the couch in my office when i relaized I only had 2 hours before I had to be back at work and seeing that in a drunken state was nothing short of hilarious. It’s still a pisser.
Oh & uumm, sorry your kid tried to kill herself but you brought it upon yourself, Hoff. You’re just lucky it hasn’t happened sooner or with relative success.
tracyp | September 25, 2006 at 11:06 am
Maybe she saw this site:
http://www.knight-foundation.com
Nuke L.A. | September 25, 2006 at 11:13 am
The sad thing is this girl is probably a normal thoughtful person living in a world of fuckin emptyhead egomaniacal douchebags. Fuck LA, I can’t wait for a 10.0 to finally bury that fuckin land of loopy cunts. The nations IQ would automatically go up 40 points.
RichPort | September 25, 2006 at 11:14 am
Ferret – The prize goes to #8, who is currently gagging on my johnson as we devise new ways to kill oneself. datter of course is trying choking, so maybe I’ll stop pinching datter’s nose and let a sympathy breath in. The morality police are coming sooner and sooner all the fucking time.
Italian Stallion | September 25, 2006 at 11:20 am
@6
What the fuck is wrong with you? The poor girl not only tried to kill herself, but she has the fucking Hoff for a father. Suicide is in no way funny, unless of course you’re that funny dude with the screen name here. I used to think you were funny, but this is just overboard. You people really need to get a grip on life and stop bashing these celeberties…..
*********WARNING, THIS COMMENT HAS EXTREME SARCASIM***********
wanderingmenstrual | September 25, 2006 at 11:22 am
you people should be ashamed of yourself. how can you make fun of a poor girl in great anguish? it’s obvious you’ve never experienced the miracle of bringing forth life. any mother who reads this story will feel great sorrow for this girl. it is no laughing matter. it is important to grieve for her loss of life’s joy. so much so that despite intense cramping, i’ve taken a break from squatting and bleeding back into Mother Earth to write this. please show the same respect to what’s her name, you know, that crazy chick.
will | September 25, 2006 at 11:24 am
i think my mind just exploded.
yep, it did.
ValeWolf | September 25, 2006 at 11:33 am
#23 – Stick to taking care of your kids instead of posting on a gossip site. Geez… you do get the concept of the site, right?
That being said, I hope this wakes up both of the irresponsible stupid shameless parents. Too self-absorbed to notice these kinds of things.
Tracie | September 25, 2006 at 11:38 am
You’re not going to believe the latest on this story:
“David Hasselhoff’s estranged wife, Pamela Bach disputing the attempted suicide story, claiming Hasselhoff lied to cops about it for revenge. She claims her daughter was simply scratched by their cat.”
I’m NOT trying to be funny. That is a direct quote!
Equalparts | September 25, 2006 at 11:38 am
I think it was the fat daughter that did it. Makes sense, really.
Hippo | September 25, 2006 at 11:38 am
TMZ is reporting that this story is false.
TMZ states that the little girl was actually scratched by the family cat while with her mom, Pamela. David then took it upon himself to call 911 and report it as a suicide attempt so that he could discredit Pamela as a mother.
Nice guy, if it’s true.
Italian Stallion | September 25, 2006 at 11:42 am
@25 I think that was her point, you know like at the end were she says whats her name that crazy chick. I detected sarcasim, but what do I know………..
jrzmommy | September 25, 2006 at 11:46 am
Scratched by a cat? What kind of fucking cat scratches in a way that could be confused for a suicide attempt? Are they the fucking Flintstones with a Sabre toothed tiger? If this shit is true, that kid better hope the cat gets custody of her.
biatcho | September 25, 2006 at 11:51 am
what they meant to tell us is that it’s not even a cut at all. They MEANT her pussy started bleeding and because she’s 14 it means she’s a woman now. And the Hoff got scared because now he might want to fuck her.
RichPort | September 25, 2006 at 11:53 am
Maybe the same guy who wacked Ana Banana’s son, you know the one that keep hiding Nicole Richie’s food and forcing Lohan to keep fucking Hollywood, maybe that guy tried to wack the little she-Hoff. Yea, my money’s on the mystery guy, Nicole Simpson’s killers… that guy.
commissioner | September 25, 2006 at 11:54 am
The Hoff is a Borderline/Hystrionic. Raising a Borderline/Hystrionic. She doesn’t stand a chance.
Madrid Marriott | September 25, 2006 at 12:02 pm
It’s only at this point that I actually, truly feel bad for this girl. Even worse than trying to kill youself is having your dad tell the world you tried to kill yourself. As if he hadn’t already done enough to shame you by being the Hoff. That’s some serious scum right there. May he hook up woth Hohan soon and feel the burn….
Angry Ferret Jones | September 25, 2006 at 12:20 pm
True story – I knew a guy in High School who’s step-dad’s mom knew a lady that worked at a gas station where the daughter of the manager committed Suicide by Cat.
It was a mess.
They never got that smell out of the cat.
hehe
See Datter? If the Hoff himself doesn’t give half a shit about his daughter, why should we?
Angry Ferret Jones | September 25, 2006 at 12:21 pm
True story – I knew a guy in High School who’s step-dad’s mom knew a lady that worked at a gas station where the daughter of the manager committed Suicide by Cat.
It was a mess.
They never got that smell out of the cat.
hehe
See Datter? If the Hoff himself doesn’t give half a shit about his daughter, why should we? He should be more concerned about the way his career committed suicide.
Angry Ferret Jones | September 25, 2006 at 12:21 pm
goddamn double posting fish bastards
jrzmommy | September 25, 2006 at 12:33 pm
It never ceases to boggle the mind that you need a license to fish, to braid hair and paint nails but any fucktard can become a parent. amazing.
Italian Stallion | September 25, 2006 at 1:02 pm
I just watched that video, and now I also would like to commit suicide………
KevinTheProdigy.com | September 25, 2006 at 1:07 pm
CGI Graphics + Cutting Edge Pop n Lock dance moves = one hell of a video..
How long was that on TRL?
frenchtoaststix | September 25, 2006 at 1:29 pm
Aren’t we not supposed to “hassle” the “Hoff”? Poor kid sounds pretty hassled, with two celebrity fucktard parents dragging their nasty divorce into the public eye.
@15 – Good one! I wonder what really went down in that hotel bathroom!
ImSuicidal | September 25, 2006 at 1:33 pm
@22 – Italian Stallion, You mean me???
Brain Embolism | September 25, 2006 at 1:34 pm
35 & 36.. I knew that dude, only at a different high school! Small world.
PunjabPete | September 25, 2006 at 2:33 pm
I can’t believe it… I actually feel bad for someone. And all it took was the realization of what a horror it would be to be fathered by The Hoff. Poor kid…
Hey, for other suicidals, just remember.
Suicide is a perminant solution to a temporary problem.
Go kick someones ass instead…
WD-40 | September 25, 2006 at 2:36 pm
The goggles…..they do nothing!
beifiori | September 25, 2006 at 2:37 pm
# 27, consider what you said and then think about how that attitude would cause a teenager a lot of pain…jeez **rolling eyes** the fact of the matter is, it doesn’t matter what form her body is, she’s in a lot of pain, and it’s not a matter that should be made public nor mocked.
boobiezmagee | September 25, 2006 at 2:38 pm
It didn’t really happen guys. I guess her Dad was trying to make her Mom look bad so he made in a phoney 911 call. It’s all right here.
boobiezmagee | September 25, 2006 at 2:40 pm
It didn’t really happen guys. I guess her Dad was trying to make her Mom look bad so he made in a phoney 911 call. It’s all right here.
http://www.tmz.com/2006/09/25/did-hasselhoff-make-phony-suicide-call/
AmberDextrose | September 25, 2006 at 2:43 pm
Bravo ValeWolf #25. We needed a new Sara Jean the Lilac Queen to stomp through sarcasm and sound off pompously at us. Thanks for stepping into the breach.
Couldn’t you just let us see a little snippety snip of your blog? I just know it would be full of your Paisley-wearing parents and tips for knitting with dog hair!
Celetina | September 25, 2006 at 3:15 pm
re: linked article in update—did he seriously phone in a “suicide attempt” in order to take a jab at his ex-wife? If so, he is the lowest human being in the history of human existence.
I was a suicidal 14-year-old (okay, hands up: who of us wasn’t at some point?), and being used as a pawn by my psychotic self-aggrandizing father would’ve been too much to take. I’m surprised she didn’t commit suicide afterwards.