David Hasselhoff gets primary custody

June 15th, 2007 // 62 Comments


  1. Megathy


  2. Jimbo

    How the hell did that happen?

  3. Lys

    I prefer Chuck Norris

  4. Tenacious T

    I <3 Wendys!

  5. The long version is so much sadder than the shortened version. I hope he gets help. He desperately needs it.

  6. Drunkman

    The man CREATED Baywatch…he should be awarded custody based on that fact alone.

  7. Jimbo

    @6 Maybe some of that breast feeding will help him. I know it always brightens up my day

  8. Col

    why are they taping this in the first place?

  9. This guy is from Hell.

  10. Darth Hater

    Wow the kids’ mom must be a REAL winner if he got custody.

  11. LL

    A guillotine would be a better parent.

  12. Ewan

    The kids mother must be a real piece of work. Anyway, I feel really bad for those kids, having two parents like that

  13. missoblivious

    Poor kids. This is the best parent out of the 2? Thats pretty freakin sad. If he’s the best, then what does she do to make her less favorable than that? Holy crap.


  15. iamsosmrt

    Well being a judge on America Has No Talent is like being President of the Universe so no wonder he can get whatever he wants.

    I think ex-wifey is a smack addict so…
    Alcoholic beats Drug Addict… hmmm… that will add a whole new level to my next
    rock/paper/scissors tournament.

    What a great society we live.

  16. yukadoozer

    Your facade is wearing thin…Fabio is waiting.

  17. iamsosmrt

    *What a great society we live in.

    Let there be NO team Hasselhoff t-shirts.


  18. star69

    Agreed #14.

    LOL @ #16. So damn true.

    I think the judge was on crack too.
    Judges these days make some great decisions.
    I feel so confident that the law has our interest.

  19. I think that he should have taken this role, because he’s a good candidate for this clip! watch!

  20. Erika

    Obviously the mother was more fcuked up. Oh well, it’s a shame he had a relapse, but honorable that he did his best to keep his kids out of the middle and not be a vicious ass-wipe like so many of these PASing mothers can be

  21. Who hasn’t been intoxicated like this? I mean, not eating a burger like this, granted, lol, but get real, people! I like the guy! He’s human. Who would’ve thunk it?

  22. RichPort

    Wow…. how exciting… as far as I’m concerned, he can have primary custody of DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTS…

  23. Waffleholic

    The Hoff is my HERO!

  24. Anonymous

    My ex-husband is an ex-con and a a liar… and very abusive and he got custody! I love the american justice system!

  25. Mr. GoFuckYourzelf:

    I read your threat to
    me on :spearz nipple zlip:

    bitch, I don’t have kidz
    maybe U did at 18, but
    that only meanz your a

    anyway: zo U want to hunt
    me down and kill me and
    if I had kidz ..kill them
    who the fuck R U, Satanz
    daughter or son?
    have a zhitty life,,U juzt
    proved U have one..

  26. RichPort

    Don’t hassle the Hoff, or partake in an animated session of “Plumber’s Helper” with your man, when you are out of lube. Trust me.

  27. woodhorse

    #23 Fan of The Chronic, Dr. Dre, Snoop Dog or just friends?

  28. I just blowed so many dicks tonight.
    I hope I don’t catch anything. Oh well,
    I’ll worry about it later.Woodhorse,
    how’s it hanging, I’ll be over..need more
    wood in my fire.

  29. JMay

    Drunken munching? And rolling around the floor? Please — it happens to every guardian! I mean, check this TMZ video: http://thenewsroom.com/details/326684?c_id=wom-bc-je — the guy’s off the hook because his wife is crazy….craziER. Hasselhoff wouldn’t hurt a fly. PLEASE. An unfortunate video leak.

    - Jennifer from The Entertainment Desk at TheNewsRoom.com

  30. The Hoff eats cheesburgers like the rest of us eat grapes.

    He lives by his own rules. It’s a Hasselhoff world, and the rest of us are just living in it.

  31. ErectPants

    No even the judge had the balls to hassle the hoff!!!

  32. 29 what a whore, guys better check yourselves
    cause I read on the other posts where she
    was up all night with others,woodhorse.

  33. duhduhdan

    I don’t care what anyone says, but David Hasselhoff is still the man.

  34. woodhorse

    #33 – thanks for the warning! If she’s handing out sloppy seconds, she needs to go find the Red Hot Chili Pepper.

  35. SaveTheHoff

    I never post on these sites but this time I will rise up and defend “The Hoff.” I met him on a plane ride to Italy when I was a kid and actually got seated NEXT to him for the entire 8+ hour trip. I also happened to be a huge NightRider fan at the time. I talked to him for the ENTIRE trip, and he was very nice. He even got the pilot of the airplane to give me a captains hat at the end of the trip!

    If I was his kid, I’d be glad he had full custody of me. I was a complete stranger and he treated me as well as any parent would treat their kid — for EIGHT HOURS!!!

    Rock on Hoff, rock on.

  36. Lovecraft

    I don’t know if that last post is true but I have no trouble believing it. Dave is like the 90′s William Shatner, very self depricating and he doesn’t take himself too seriously like most celebrities nowadays. He has provided lots of great entertainment over the years, from knightrider to baywatch to his music videos. I keep hoping that the greatest show ever, Baywatch Nights, gets released on dvd soon.

  37. woodhorse

    #22 If I had ever been intoxicated enough to where I had to leave the dinner table and eat off the floor, I would have no longer had an appetite and, therefore, NOT eaten off the floor. Or, I would have been too intoxicated to remember. Either way, I can claim I have never been that intoxicated.

  38. idrissandcompany@gmail.com

    awwww he seems like a good guy going thru a ruff time + his kids r just trying to help him out by making that video to show him how he is when he’s drunk…

    when i was younger my grandmother use to watch me + my siblings when my mom was at work (single-mom, pretty much) and my grandmother would get ridiculously drunk off of liquor + cause all kinds of chaos and whatnot. it definitely crossed our minds that we wish could’ve videotaped her to then playback to her how crazy and dangerous she was when she was drunk…

    i’m sure we all get a lil f’ct up like the HOFF… i kno i do everynow and then lol

    sometimes times iz tuff

    xo | future alchie

  39. AnonyMouse

    25. Anonymous, what are you, a crack whore or a bull dyke lesbian? No way an “abusive” convict father gets custody otherwise.

  40. The Devil's Prom Date

    Those girls should be thanking their lucky stars. That guy is R-I-C-H. He’s got Knight Rider money.

  41. mia=U don’t actually think that
    the devil would take U to the
    prom! U R only for the bedroom
    buttfuckz, bitch and U know it.

    az far az the Hoff, anyone who
    getz that drunk, iz clearly the
    worzt drunk around..lookz like
    hiz money did zomething for him..
    maybe he zhould teach Pariz a
    thing or 2.

  42. dzal

    This is pathetic. Simply pathetic. What a ratty ass parent to be doing this in front of his child. You are supposed to be a role model. It’s the sadest thing I have seen in a while for the girl. Whoever mentioned that “who hasn’t been drunk like this” yea…maybe in college…not in front of kids telling their own daughter “F*** You” what a pathetic ass – he is NOT the man, no matter what you idiots say.

  43. dzal

    Posted to “save the hof”
    Nobody gives a crap if you sat with the man for 8 hours on a plane – all you need to see is the 2 minutes of this video of him being piss drunk in front of his kid and swearing at her to defeat your lame claim that he’s a great person. NOBODY would be considered “lucky” to have that in their lives as a parent. What kind of parents do some of you have?!?!?

  44. The pink panter

    Omg that is so sad, but if I was as annoying as him, I would be an alcaholic too!!

  45. I could only watch the beginning of this very sad video. His daughter needs to have real parents, instead of parenting her father. Don’t these creeps have any well-adjusted relatives to take of their child? They can easily pay her expenses. That would make two good deeds possible.

  46. danielle

    Wally gripped Frist’s chin with a perfectly manicured hand and tilted her face upwards. “Get it right and you won’t have to pay a single liquor store bill for a year”, Wally said quietly. The expression of his jet black eyes was unreadable. Frist jerked away from his grip in annoyance. “Of course. Duh! Everyone will think she’s a drunk just being around me.” Frist took the proffered envelope and went to wait in the roped off area in front of Pure. Wally had one more person to see before taking his own place in the game.
    Two sharp raps echoed down the alleyway behind the club as Wally signaled his contact inside and the door opened quickly and quietly, allowing only a dim ray of light to illuminate Victor’s face. “Put this in her first drink. As soon as she succumbs, Frist will help you carry her back here where I’ll be waiting”, Wally instructed as he handed over a small vial of white powder into Victor’s waiting palm. “Suck what? Can I watch?” marveled Victor. Was there nothing Wally couldn’t arrange? he thought to himself. Wally grit his teeth briefly and then reclaimed his usual calm and in-control demeanor.
    “No. When she begins to sleep. No. You can’t watch anything. And don’t touch her”, Wally amended his instructions. “You have very little to do and then I promise you that Peeping Tom charge will disappear”, he reminded Victor. “Now go and do it.”

    The woman sat down at the dimly lit table reserved for her. She had arrived early, as was her habit, and didn’t expect her friends for half an hour. The Pear and Pomegranate Martini was delivered by a waiter who made far too much eye contact and The Woman made a mental note to ask for a different waiter when her friends arrived. Pure was crowded and produced various scenes of antics but The Woman was surprised when she looked up and saw Frist standing beside her table. And, oddly, she wondered if she was dreaming as she said, “Hello”.

    Frist threw one arm under The Woman’s shoulders for support and Victor took the other side as they prepared to drag her through the kitchen and out to the alley. The couples at the next table yelled derisively, “Jesus, Frist, you and your friend are as bad as Lohan”. “Are you on your way to Promises?” Frist grinned and said, “Not in this lifetime”.

    With The Woman’s body draped across the back seat, Wally stepped on the accelerator and his midnight blue Lamborghini Murcielago LP640 sped away into the night. Arriving at his beach house an hour later, his manservant Texas Tranny met him in the driveway.
    “Take her to my room. I have some calls to make” Wally directed Texas Tranny. “With my back? And you know how my feet are!” Texas Tranny said aghast. He pondered the task a moment and said under his breath, “I’ll use the butler’s cart” and went to fetch the small cart and wheel it to the car.

    The Woman was slumped over the butler’s cart, feet dragging the floor and rump upwards as Texas Tranny careened through the hallways towards Wally’s bedroom.
    He tipped the cart over next to the bed and The Woman flopped unceremoniously onto the hand woven tapestry covered bed. Wally turned from setting up the video camera and said to Texas Tranny, “I’m expecting some guests you don’t know. Just let them in without any questions.” “Certainly”, said Texas Tranny aloofly. He was feeling a bit piqued as he didn’t even get a ‘thank you’ for all his ingenuity and hard work; but that was often the case when Wally was preoccupied with a project. Just then the doorbell rang and he hurried to do his well-paying employer’s bidding.

    LoddiDoddi stepped shyly into the room and walked over to where The Woman lay face-up, limbs akimbo. “This is, going to be fun especially, since no one has, ever let me in, on a game before.” Wally cautioned, “Be back to work as usual tomorrow so no one can connect you to this”. “I can’t”, LoddiDoddi complained. “They fired, me from being her social, secretary because they said I use, too many commas and they, said they are tired of trying to teach, me punctuation”. A slight smile curved briefly on Wally’s handsome face. “Well, I’m sure a new job will turn up; one that doesn’t require spelling. How does being a lab assistant sound? I know someone who could help. The important thing is that you knew when and where she was going to be tonight”.

    Texas Tranny walked in with Pretty Baby and handed Wally a Poire Mint Martini. “What about drinks for us?” asked Pretty Baby. “Nothing for you two until the film is made” responded Wally, savoring his drink. “Now, get undressed and take her clothes off, too.”

    “God, I was sick of begging her to let me give her a blow job. Now she’ll be begging me!” extolled Pretty Baby gleefully as she gently parted The Woman’s thighs. LoddiDoddi wrapped her arms around Pretty Baby and began to caress her breasts.
    Just then, Victor opened the door and said, “How you feeling, Wally? That was me who sent the drink up!” he snickered. Instantly enraged at this unwanted intrusion, Wally reached for Victor’s throat, only to find himself pitching forward onto the bed. “OUT” he yelled, even as his vision began to fade. The women screamed and, grabbing their clothes, ran out of the bedroom as fast as they could. Texas Tranny heard Wally’s angered shout and headed towards the room armed with the nearest weapon.

    “Now it’s my turn”, said Victor. But Victor spun and fell as Texas Tranny hit him solidly on the back of the head with a cast iron skillet. “Great Balls of Fire! Where do you find these people?” Texas Tranny swore softly as he drug Victor out by his heels. Wally was sound asleep. The Woman was beginning to stir a bit but was still too sedated to be of any help as Texas Tranny returned to the room and undressed Wally.

    “He’ll be in none too good of a mood after sleeping off this adventure”, mumbled Texas Tranny. The camcorder continued to silently whir as Texas Tranny left the bedroom for his own quarters.

    Malibu sunlight streamed in the windows as Wally raised up on his elbows, head pounding. Force of will got him to his feet and into the bathroom to swallow some water before he remembered The Woman. A sweeping search of the room at a glance told him she was gone, but taped to the bedpost was a note. Wally grabbed the note with trepidation and read, “Darling Wally, I considered turning off the camcorder as I stroked your velvet dark skin to hardness in the wee hours of the night, but I really wanted to leave you with something more than my gratitude. Yours Truly.”

  47. TigerLilly

    Ugga Wagga Wiggwam!
    Peter Pan, please meet me in Captian Hooks
    pirate ship in our secret closet, that girl
    Danelle got me horney..hurry please!

  48. J

    #40, sadly that is not necessarily true…welcome to CA. Unfortunately this liberal state gives bad parents too much. I have to share custody with my ex of our 3 boys. I have a very good life, stay at home Mom, there for everything, no drugs, drink with friends sometimes, responsible, self made, plus fabulous father/stepdad for them who is the greatest. However, CA courts think it is best for the boys to have to put up with constant cancellations and flaking, lying, verbal abuse, possibly drug use. Which is really the problem, you have to have “proof” before you can get proof. So, it is a no win situation, even after 10′s of thousands of $$ to fight custody. So much FUN! How great is that for the kids. I don’t actually know much about “HOFF” and this situation, so I don’t have an opinion on that case. I do know that my ex was given too much based on lies. Sadly, he is showing his true colors and the boys suffer!

  49. TigerLilly

    #49 You know that you could set him up, don’t you? Tink about it, say or do something to make him mad and then tape his response, or make friends with his neighbors and pay them to tape him or spy on him.
    I am TigerLilly, and people better watch out for me, because I’m a bad little Indian girl, but I don’t take no shit. That’s why I love my Peter Pan.

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