David Hasselhoff gets alcohol poisoning

October 11th, 2007 // 48 Comments


David Hasselhoff had a relapse in his battle with alcoholism and was admitted to Cedars-Sinai Hospital yesterday where he was treated for alcohol poisoning. David is currently in a custody battle with his ex, Pamela Bach. TMZ reports:

No word on how the latest lapse will affect custody. A judge awarded physical custody of the kids to Hoff, but we’re told for the last five weeks they’ve been living pretty much full-time with David’s ex, Pamela Bach, while he was in Europe shooting “Anaconda 3.” We’re told he had “infrequent contact” with his daughters, something Hoff’s people dispute.

David Hasselhoff is having a tough time with the booze. Yeah, that’s terrible, but let me tell you about the real tragedy here. They’re making Anaconda 3. C’mon! I’d rather pass a kidney stone then sit through that movie. Is this a franchise that really needs a third installment? But, hey, it stars David Hasselhoff, so at least they’re adding some star-power to this one.

Edit: So, I just learned that you pass kidney stones through your urethra. One ticket to Anaconda 3, please. Besides man sauce and urine, there’s only one other thing that comes out of my urethra: Laser beams.

Edit: Okay, maybe one time Chinese throwing stars shot out of it. But that’s where I draw the line.

Edit: Alright, alright. Yes, during a full moon, I shot a silver bullet out of it and killed a werewolf. But, seriously, that’s it.

Edit: A Civil War-era cannonball, Carl Weathers and a map of Middle-Earth. Okay, I’m done.


  1. Guy

    I was right all along, being first makes you retarded.

  2. Habitual Line Stepper

    That’s very impressive, Bionic Penis Man.

  3. 1MILF Hunter

    Dont hassle the Hoff. He just needs a drink now and then.

  4. veggi

    I can has cheeseburger?

  5. freakwad

    LOL bionic penis man…

  6. Auntie Kryst

    Went too far with the joke. Laughed my ass off about the laser beams, then it kept going. Less is more my friend.

  7. on behalf of all of us

    I don’t see what any of this has to do with Britney. Get it off the site.

  8. jrzmommy

    Can we see him drunk and mashing a burger in his face again?

  9. elle

    i wanna you to prove the laser beam thing. i want to see it. not ‘it’ – just the beam. cover the rest with a paper bag ok? i dread to think what it looks like after shooting a cannonball out of your urethra. are you still able to hold pee in? basically your penis must be the equivalent of a women’s lady garden after giving birth to 50 children. peace.

  10. InstantAsshat-AddFame

    LOL #8

  11. Dick Richards

    Holy fuck, that is so funny! You’d think that an alcoholic with the amount of experience that, say, a David Hasselhoff has would be slightly better at judging how much they can drink without getting drunk-sick. Funny! Michael Knight: “Kitt, you’re gonna have to drive me to Cedars-Sinai, buddy. I’m pissing, throwing-up, and shitting, all at once.”

  12. Radar

    At least he’s not calling it a disease.

    Because it’s not.

  13. Fumus

    C’mon jump in my car! I wanna take ya home…

  14. miggs

    “Can we see him drunk and mashing a burger in his face again?”

    when did he release a sex tape???

  15. Ript1&0

    I agree. This is not about Britney and therefore unaccectable. She’s the only thing that matters and now thanks to you, I don’t know what’s she done in the last five minutes because I’m reading about the Hoff instead. Sure, he’s good for a laugh, but can he rub my eyes with a porcupine AND give me pink eye?? I didn’t think so.

  16. la

    this video just….makes me uncomfortable

  17. Mdiz

    Hoff get help and for the love of god don’t release any more albums! Your singing drives me to drink!

  18. wedgeone

    If it’s a disease, he’s lucky that’s the one he got, instead of, say, cancer. Especially if he fucks his daughter when he’s drunk. They seem to have a special bond.

  19. BG

    Hahahahahaha great post

  20. Gerald_Tarrant

    Carl Weathers? What a feat.

    I shot Action Jackson (Apollo Creed) out of my dick!!

  21. LL

    The entirety of this post rocks, but especially the part about the deadly penis. I agree with whoever said above, they wanna see the laser penis for themselves. Count me in, I wanna see that shit too.

  22. ssdd

    He’s a weak son of a bitch what do you expect?…

    Funny comments …Fish LOL ..

  23. TDawg30

    Carl Weathers shot through your urethra and Burgess Meredith shot out through mine once. I guess that means you’re healthier than me. But, they were both in Rocky movies, right?

  24. Marcelo

    You all make me laugh with your comments


  25. lulu

    I wanna get wasted with the Hoff, he’s hilarious

  26. Mackenzie

    Who is Superficial Guy? I just need to shake his hand..he’s fucking hilarious.

  27. BIgheadmike

    Where is KIT?????????

  28. #28 Kit is dead. He was driven by a drunk driver.

  29. Chad

    Damn, this superficial guy is the funniest dude around. He should be doing stand-up instead of this. Makes Perez and TMZ look like douches in comparison.

  30. elle

    #22 LL – yeah we could do a laser show version of puppetry of the penis

  31. bond

    i had a kidney stone once. i would rather poop out a basketball than go through that again.

  32. Shallow Val

    Wake me when he’s dead.

  33. Lexoka

    As far as I know, there are no Chinese throwing stars. Shuriken are Japanese weapons.

  34. Julie

    Hysterical, as always.

  35. july

    laser thing was hysterical

    #4 hassel the hoff very good.

    now back to britney showing her vajay jay

  36. jen

    I don’t think I will ever eat from Wendy’s again.

  37. jacknasty

    What kinda alcoholic gets alcohol poisoning? Shouldnt he be an experienced drinker?

    either way, some time a year or so from now I have a date with Anacondas 3 and my bong. The Hoff is back!

  38. Makemepuke

    Look , the Hoffer is just doing what most of us have done at least once or twice, get completley shitfaced and then chow down a Wendy’s burger. When your stoned or drunk whats the first thing you think of eating right!…a Wendy’s burger. But truthfully,i think he was just acting, and doing what everyone else in Hollywood is doing these days, seeking attention any way he can get it.

  39. BunnyButt

    ‘Splains why that cannonball was so rusty …

  40. Missystar

    #13, you are correct. I know you’re not supposed to say this, but I’ve never understood why choosing to be a stumbling pissant drunk is classified as a “disease”. Does anyone care to convince us?

  41. so, honestly I saw the Hoff in Prague (that’s paraha if your Czech) about three weeks ago. He was smashed beyond belief and the first thing I thought of was his rehab thing was not working out. I remembered the burger video, was sad for a moment, then was like i have to get a picture of this. Sadly I only have a back shot of him stumbling through the streets around 2pm hammered w/ some blonde. On another note, he walked buy an outdoor restaurant w/ either German or Czech tourists — i know because they recognized him also (must be german) and he drunkenly ripped some flowers potted outside the restaurant. If killing flowers was a crime, he would be in jail. But I was like sweet, you go nightrider… you go. I’ll post the photo of him walking but again its him walking away from me so its not exactly credible, but then again this site isn’t really the NY times.

  42. this is bullshit……this video is like 3 month old!!
    it is a total bullshit….you suck!!!!
    thesuperficial sucks!!

  43. whatever

    I think that David Hasslehoff and Britney should become closer friends. They can share stories about what pathetic parents they both are and how stupid and immature it is to get completely wasted infront of their kids to the point they don’t even know what is going on.

  44. IWONKY

    Why does he want custody of that little bitch?

  45. aw!

    At least the kids are pretty much grown up. They have everything to fear with both parents being psycho & drunks/druggies. I can see him passing a Baywatch surfboard, but not a hamburger.


    o sry i thought this was the britney losing her kids thread

  47. Ollie

    “C’mon! I’d rather pass a kidney stone then sit through that movie.”

    Are you serious? You ACTUALLY wrote “then” instead of “than”? This upsets me, you are destroying my faith in human kind! Aside from their slighly similar spelling and pronunciation, these words have nothing in common and should NEVER be confused!!

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