David Hasselhoff adds pants-pissing, doctor-punching to his drunken resume

October 9th, 2009 // 31 Comments

David Hasselhoff managed to drink himself into the hospital again. This time in London which is an almost superhuman feat considering those people drink 20 pints of ale for breakfast. The Sun reports:

The bender began at the weekend when the US actor joined about 400 A-listers at X Factor supremo Simon Cowell’s posh birthday party. He got smashed and was escorted out of a side door and back to the hotel.
A source close to the star said: “David is very hard to handle when he drinks, often very emotional and aggressive. On this occasion he became so drunk he wet his hotel bed – ruining two mattresses – and was becoming a real pain for staff. His assistant Joe Townley was so concerned he called out a doctor. David was furious and lashed out at him – but mistakenly hit the doctor.
“They decided they had no option but to lock him in the basement until an ambulance arrived.”

I’ve funneled a significant amount of booze through my liver, but I can honestly say I’ve never been so shitfaced it required an entire basement to contain me until a team of paramedics arrived to talk me out of going for nachos. And that’s a shame I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life. *sniff* DON’T LOOK AT ME!

Photos: WENN
superficial

  1. sim

    that’s Hoff-full

  2. Ruby

    Lucky bastard. I only get superhorny and then sleepy when I’m Hoff-drunk. It hurts when I pee!

  3. Randal

    I’m loving the suit there David. Stripes are in, especially those that are so bold and defining. The purple colored pocket squares adds a sense of flair and party style that goes well with your fun personality.

    A hit if I ever saw one.

    Randal

  4. Jim

    And the Overused Organ Award goes to….It’s a tie!!! Congrats to:

    Hasselhoff’s liver and Lohan’s vagina.

  5. Jimmy

    David’s new nickname, “yellow stain.”

  6. joejoe

    I cant stand drunks

  7. HRH Adam

    This guy is bloody pathetic. Far from the tortured, addicted genius of, say, Noel Gallagher in 1994 or so many musicians, he’s just a lame twat who has somehow struck gold twice with two shitty TV shows and has been given a free ride in life, yet continually squanders it

  8. HRH Adam

    This guy is bloody pathetic. Far from the tortured, addicted genius of, say, Noel Gallagher in 1994 or so many musicians, he’s just a lame twat who has somehow struck gold twice with two shitty TV shows and has been given a free ride in life, yet continually squanders it.

  9. bob

    Oh come on. Don’t fucking believe anything The Sun says. He probably was drunk but everything else will be entirely made up. Fucking slapstick swinging for someone but hitting a doctor? Pfffffft and tits I say.

  10. chopper

    light weight

  11. crazypants

    that’s a lot of pee – two mattresses soaked?!? Hoff is a super-human.

  12. Turd the third

    David Pissal-Puff, I hope I am never on the same airplane he is flying in..

  13. Sport

    awesome.

  14. Kick

    I am starting a group called the Randal-ettes.

  15. we got the story from insidethe rehab shop!!! from the Hoffs only friend in the world, his last mate, his one and only friend KITT read his story , it’ funny and a bit beyond http://bit.ly/3kVFjz

  16. vintage Rough

    With so much laughter, his assistant has got to have the lowest blood pressure on the planet…how embarrassing!

  17. Duece

    ” I cant stand drunks”

    I can’t stand teetotalers. Stuck-up (or pussy) is the word that comes closest to mind when seeing that quote. But hey, whatever suits you.

    “I’ve funneled a significant amount of booze through my liver…”

    Hahaha. Yeah, I’m sure. Douchebag or i-think-i’m-something-that-actually-matters is the what crosses my mind when reading that.

  18. weirdo

    It’s only a matter of time and like Michael Jacksons family, his will try to find out who is responsible for his death. I know who did it ! IT WAS THEIR OWN FUCKING FAULT, GODDAMN DRUG ADDICTS AND ALCOHOLICS.

  19. Tanzarian

    Why is he dressed like a Batman villain?

  20. He should be arrested for that hair!

  21. Pazuzu

    I’ve heard about the Baywatch Curse before! I’m impressed!

  22. Rhialto

    His nowadays KITT is his videotaping daugther.

  23. Dave

    Fucking awesome. I love watching pathetic losers destroy themselves.

    Drink up, David!

  24. Dave

    Fucking awesome. I love watching pathetic losers destroy themselves.

    Drink up, David!

  25. Dave

    Fucking awesome. I love watching pathetic losers destroy themselves.

    Drink up, David!

  26. Esol Esek

    Oasis is a terrible band. Dont bring them into this. and both Gallaghers are such pompous twits, they hold the record for ponces in a city London brim with them.

    The staff at the hotel are on ‘PeeWatch’

  27. Ex.Texan

    WTF? How do you ruin two mattresses? Pissing on one, I can see. Did he arc it over to another bed?

  28. i m not dina u fat pigs

    Two matresses?!?!?!?

    He’s still my hero. Rock on!

  29. joejoe

    #17=I can’t stand teetotalers. Stuck-up (or pussy) is the word that comes closest to mind when seeing that quote. But hey, whatever suits you.

    for the record, I’m not a teetotaler, stuck-up, or a “pussy”. I meant irresponsible drinking followed by acting toolish.

  30. cc

    This guy is way too low on my celebrity death watch. I mean, seriously, how much longer can it be before his liver simply explodes or he chokes to death on his own vomit?

    He’s pulling even with Lilo.

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