David Copperfield is trying way, way too hard

November 5th, 2007 // 55 Comments
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David Copperfield is currently under investigation for allegedly raping a woman at his private resort in the Bahamas. David has an elaborate system set-up with his employees to help him meet women. This system is so detailed that David Copperfield provides his workers with an instruction manual for locating “scorpions” which is a code used for women the magician is particularly interested in. TMZ reports:

The document describes how the assistants need to be heads-up for attractive women whom David can meet backstage after the performance. We’re told the plan is to keep boyfriends and husband in the arena, adding “from time to time, boyfriends and husbands will give us a hard time and refuse to stay. If that is the case, try your best to get them to stay and refer to the “What to Say” sheet for help.”

And it gets creepier.

According to the document, “On occasion David will have you pull in both scorpions even if he is only interested in one of them, just for comfort.”

Another part of the document sounds eerily similar to the circumstances surrounding the rape allegations against David Copperfield:

The assistants are told to sell the women before David arrives backstage. They’re supposed to say: “Do you know that David has recently bought some islands in the Bahamas? Well they are BEAUTIFUL and we are doing a lot of project (sic) for these islands: Ads, TV, Radio and many other promotions. So we like (sic) to keep in touch with you in case there is a job in the future we think you would be interested in.”

Maybe instead of all the cloak and dagger bullshit, David Copperfield should just end his show with a simple offer: “Hey, I’m freaking rich beyond belief and recently purchased my own set of islands in the Bahamas. If you’re a young woman no older than thirty and is into that sort of thing, we should totally do it backstage. Thanks for coming out tonight, folks. Have a wonderful evening.” See, it works on so many levels. It’s simple. It’s honest. And, I dunno, no one has to fly twelve hours home to take a rape kit. Sorry, David Copperfield, but that’s usually not a cool way to end a date. At least not the first one.

superficial

  1. lURLEENlUMPKINS

    he is way desperate. I saw his show in vegas for free because he cant fill seats. My friend works at the venetian here in vegas and always ask if we can fill seats. lame. and half way through the show he introduces a video about him self, about how many awards he’s won. Then picks out all the slutty dressed women in the audience to come up on stage for acts. its was so corny. also he rapped. the end.

  2. Ali Larter:beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!

    I know he is pathetic!I saw his show and it wasn’t so impressive like his others magic shows in the past.He claimed that his father had died and he was feeling ver sad.He is making audience feel dizzy with all that crap about his childhood and family.He probably believes that this way we’ll see him as human after all.He can’t hardly conviced himshelf that he is remarkable.He is detestable when he is showing off and he usually has a lot of ugly slutty ”models” around him.Oh, how ”nice” and rich the world of stars that is.Maybe plastic surgeries would helped him and he’s freaking female ”models” to actually have at least one fan!I wonder how did he end up like this, so low, what the hell happened to him..

  3. PLEASE DAVID READ MY MESSAGE!VERY IMPORTANT!!!

    What about David?Do you have anything new about him?What has he be doing with himshelf?We are getting a little old aren’t we David,ha?So How are you doin’???How’s your dick doing?is it ok?’cause i think your heart is wounded and you probably growing awfully bad!Tssss, too bad!But don’t think you’re the onlyone.So don’t lose your strength or your..touch ..of predicting cards, taro,the future e.t.c.I wish you could write to us in this site and tell us who killed Niko Sergianopoulo, the well-known actor in Greece.You probably never met him have you David?Hmm,you should have,he was amazingly good-looking man.I wish we could have some answers in his fun club ’cause we liked and admired the guy!Oh David, I wish you could speak!Speak up David, you suppose to be able to figure that out!Help us!And we’ll forget that you’ve made an ass of yourshelf!

  4. I feel bad for that blond chick in the pic, the story isnt about her but her pic with David is everywhere…

  5. rads

    DAVID COPPERFIELD. Here is a riddle only you will know, for it is a riddle you will never perform in your show.
    On the back of the Vexillum the image thus removed, and placed on a standard barer it is glued.
    If you look closely you’ll see a name, a name of one who has brought down such great shame. And He bares this sequence: D-C + L-X + V-I. A sequence that has been received and one this man can never be relieved.

    I know for a fact you’ll know, that I know and soon all will know.

    R.A.D.S180.

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