David Copperfield is trying way, way too hard

November 5th, 2007 // 55 Comments
1025_david_copperfield.jpg

David Copperfield is currently under investigation for allegedly raping a woman at his private resort in the Bahamas. David has an elaborate system set-up with his employees to help him meet women. This system is so detailed that David Copperfield provides his workers with an instruction manual for locating “scorpions” which is a code used for women the magician is particularly interested in. TMZ reports:

The document describes how the assistants need to be heads-up for attractive women whom David can meet backstage after the performance. We’re told the plan is to keep boyfriends and husband in the arena, adding “from time to time, boyfriends and husbands will give us a hard time and refuse to stay. If that is the case, try your best to get them to stay and refer to the “What to Say” sheet for help.”

And it gets creepier.

According to the document, “On occasion David will have you pull in both scorpions even if he is only interested in one of them, just for comfort.”

Another part of the document sounds eerily similar to the circumstances surrounding the rape allegations against David Copperfield:

The assistants are told to sell the women before David arrives backstage. They’re supposed to say: “Do you know that David has recently bought some islands in the Bahamas? Well they are BEAUTIFUL and we are doing a lot of project (sic) for these islands: Ads, TV, Radio and many other promotions. So we like (sic) to keep in touch with you in case there is a job in the future we think you would be interested in.”

Maybe instead of all the cloak and dagger bullshit, David Copperfield should just end his show with a simple offer: “Hey, I’m freaking rich beyond belief and recently purchased my own set of islands in the Bahamas. If you’re a young woman no older than thirty and is into that sort of thing, we should totally do it backstage. Thanks for coming out tonight, folks. Have a wonderful evening.” See, it works on so many levels. It’s simple. It’s honest. And, I dunno, no one has to fly twelve hours home to take a rape kit. Sorry, David Copperfield, but that’s usually not a cool way to end a date. At least not the first one.

david copperfield 215x300 The enticing magic sensation of David ...
David Copperfield photo, pics, wallpaper - photo #210493
David Copperfield
David Copperfield
Digested Dickens: David Copperfield
To begin my life with the beginning of my life, I was born in Suffolk. My father had died six months previously and on the day of my birth my great-aunt, Miss Betsey Trotwood, arrived unexpectedly at my mother's house. "Harrumph," said Miss Betsey.

Comments (55)

  1. Guy | November 5, 2007 at 5:32 pm

    Oh lawrd…

    Reply
  2. PunkA | November 5, 2007 at 5:32 pm

    Abracadabra. Speaking of, of that chick wearing a bra? Probably not. Slut.

    Reply
  3. Micky Mc | November 5, 2007 at 5:33 pm

    Creepy guy

    Reply
  4. RENEE Z... | November 5, 2007 at 5:33 pm

    At first glance I was gonna say rock band members do the same thing all the time at concerts…then I read the whole thing. Holy frackin sheet. Thats creepy. He sounds like serial murderer material.

    Reply
  5. kpol | November 5, 2007 at 5:34 pm

    Damn, he’s creepy. Oh well, the trial should be entertaining. Maybe, he can be cell mates with O. J.

    Reply
  6. Whodey | November 5, 2007 at 5:35 pm

    thats pretty elaborate and creepy.

    Reply
  7. veggi | November 5, 2007 at 5:35 pm

    Please! If they go backstage, they’re asking for whatever they get. I’ve got absolutely no sympathy for these sluts.

    Reply
  8. Chick Crack | November 5, 2007 at 5:37 pm

    Man, that guy is a tard. He needs some chick crack and game. I suggest walking around with mistletoe in his crotch dangling with 100 dollar bills.

    Reply
  9. Jimbo | November 5, 2007 at 5:42 pm

    Damn, hasn’t he heard of Rohypnol??? I always go out with one in my pocket, in case it’s getting late at a bar and I haven’t had much success, or I see some hot girl way out of my league. Works like a charm. Works better than charm.

    Reply
  10. PunkA | November 5, 2007 at 5:58 pm

    His best line is during sex. He’ll tell a chick to look at his penis. And then he’ll say “Now you see it, now you don’t” over and over again. Like magic. Abracadabra. Only with an orgasm.

    Reply
  11. Captain Assclown | November 5, 2007 at 6:03 pm

    What an assclown!
    In fact, he’s been nominated for “Captain Assclown”, yeah !

    Reply
  12. lux | November 5, 2007 at 6:12 pm

    Scott Stap has been using this protocal for years as well.

    Reply
  13. Ooba Gooba | November 5, 2007 at 6:15 pm

    Too bad nothing is going to happen to this moron. He’s a rich celebrity. He’s automatically innocent.

    Reply
  14. justifiable | November 5, 2007 at 6:24 pm

    “Scorpions” as in “the sting is in the tail” scorpions? Yarg, what a fucking creepazoid. Hope this girl stings him, but good.

    Reply
  15. Binky | November 5, 2007 at 7:01 pm

    I thought it was a bit weird when he had this woman on stage and started saying “Abaca-rape-ya” !

    Reply
  16. Laughable... | November 5, 2007 at 7:02 pm

    I don’t buy the script, Mr. Cruise…I mean, Senator Craig…I mean, Doogie. When you ‘buy her off,’ that will be the proof this is all a con.

    Reply
  17. sheasie | November 5, 2007 at 7:20 pm

    DAVID COP-A-FEEL !!!

    Reply
  18. * MISS UNIVERSE | November 5, 2007 at 7:55 pm

    He has every right to make the first step towards meeting attractive women.

    No one is forcing them to WANT to meet him.

    But sooner of later, you are bound to meet the wrong person – who can make your life hell.

    Don’t you think many more women would have come forward by now – if he had a pattern of doing this.

    People dont behave in a vacuum. If he did it once, he must have done it many times before at his age.

    Reply
  19. emily | November 5, 2007 at 8:16 pm

    ummm.. when i went to vegas last spring break david copperfield used me as his assistant on stage for the scorpion card trick.. wtf

    Reply
  20. bosendorfer | November 5, 2007 at 8:38 pm

    he sure is fun to hate!

    Reply
  21. roughdaddy | November 5, 2007 at 8:40 pm

    ill bet theres been a lot of consenting victims on those islands …yes those tactics are creepy,,,but the guy is not in a band,,,in a band you know groupies go all out without any coercing….

    Reply
  22. RichPort | November 5, 2007 at 8:41 pm

    I’m “multi-talented”, ’cause I know magic too. I can make David Copperfield’s schlong disappear leaving you to wonder where it went, … and leaving me with a sore throat. I’m that good!

    Reply
  23. spineofsnake | November 5, 2007 at 8:49 pm

    wow, i guess he gets his dating advice from that long haired dude from “showgirls”…

    anyone who’s seen that wretched movie knows what i’m talking about…

    “doggy chow? i LOVE doggy chow!”

    Reply
  24. Ript1&0 | November 5, 2007 at 8:52 pm

    I agree, he should just come out and say it. Why the elaborate plan? He must get off on the power trip of tricking them.

    Reply
  25. mikefish | November 5, 2007 at 9:34 pm

    Why is everyone talking about this sad wrinkly man.

    The chick very hot. We talk about her instead.

    I like her, and want fuck her. First fuck from front like human, then from back like dog. Then have blow job like teenager. Then finally up bum shit hole like with Tom Cruise does boys. After that, kill her and find other woman like O Jay.

    Did I say enough to get American citizenship, or too much so am getting posting removed.

    Reply
  26. makemepuke | November 5, 2007 at 9:34 pm

    fuckin creepy rich prick..thyre all the same.

    Reply
  27. gerard Vandenberg | November 5, 2007 at 10:54 pm

    The asshole is maskering his gay-ness. All those wizzards are FAGGOT. Mabe he fucked a couple of young guy’s/gay’s over there and maskering his FAGGOT-story with (rapin) beautiful women, WHO KNOWS!!
    HE IS STILL A WIZZARD, remember!!

    Reply
  28. KTG | November 5, 2007 at 11:51 pm

    My question is, how did this homo get so rich that he can afford to buy his own island? The boys are gonna love him in jail.

    Reply
  29. mikefish | November 5, 2007 at 11:57 pm

    I almost forget. She have nice perky breasts.

    I want fuck them too.

    Reply
  30. jacknasty | November 6, 2007 at 12:24 am

    I feel bad for that blond chick in the pic, the story isnt about her but her pic with David is everywhere.

    oh yea. and I feel bad for the chick who got raped too

    Reply
  31. glyniss | November 6, 2007 at 1:23 am

    i USED to like him…now no more~

    Reply
  32. iburl | November 6, 2007 at 2:11 am

    Rape Humor…. You are a brave asshole.

    Reply
  33. eeee | November 6, 2007 at 2:15 am

    If he was just honest and had his assistants say “david bought some islands awhile back, wouldn’t you like to have a free romantic vacation with David alone.” She’d be on the first plane. He is like Luster, all the money in the world, could have almost any pretty girl they want, but they aren’t satisfied with that. They have to be the predator and either drug them or rape them or both to satisfy their sick demented sexual fantasies. SICKO! Why can’t Michael Moore make a leftist propaganda movie about this?

    Reply
  34. Davyous | November 6, 2007 at 2:49 am

    You’re so on target. Here, here!

    Reply
  35. )( | November 6, 2007 at 6:51 am

    SUPERFICIAL I HOPE YOU GET BRUTALY ASS RAPED. THAT WOULD BE FUNNY

    Reply
  36. Mike Motorcycle | November 6, 2007 at 7:47 am

    What a creepy slimeball. What do you expect though, from a nerdy jew with no game. Jews are too smart to be sexy so they have to resort to mind games to win women over. Kind of like the geeky jew kid who tries to learn hypnotism to ‘mezmerize’ women into liking him. Ugh, the plans and schemes of these people never cease to amaze me.

    Reply
  37. Axeldee | November 6, 2007 at 7:58 am

    MY GUESS IS THAT THIS CREEPY GUY IS VERY, BUT VERY GUILTY
    http://www.spymac.com/details/?2298228

    Reply
  38. Soy | November 6, 2007 at 10:44 am

    creepypedogayishlooking

    Reply
  39. Redhead | November 6, 2007 at 12:41 pm

    It’s not funny to joke about rape. Ever. No woman deserves to be raped. EVER.

    Reply
  40. Jimmy | November 6, 2007 at 3:06 pm

    come on you guys…Give this poor man a break,will you?It’s not his fault .He has a very possessive and severe mother.He is not free and independent.That vixen has drive her son mad!!!I know because I have a crazy mother too.My god, why can’t you love me mother?Why?Whyyyyy?WHYYYYYY?I’m begging you mom don’t be cruel to your son!You love your son don’t you?Heeelp!Mummy returns!

    Reply
  41. David Copperfield himshelf | November 6, 2007 at 3:12 pm

    I won’t be responsible for my actions ,if anything bad happens it’s gonna be all your fault mother!Not mine!Why CAN’T YOU you love ME enough?mpouhou hou!BITCH!

    Reply
  42. RaraAvis | November 6, 2007 at 9:09 pm

    Who IS the woman in this picture? I’ve seen it posted on several sites. Is it that difficult to get a picture of this guy, that you bloggers need to keep using the same shot again and again? Or is it just because he looks sorta creepy here?

    Reply
  43. Vicky | November 7, 2007 at 12:54 pm

    Every famous guy could prevent some gossip and some bad rumours there will be about him if he’d like to at least until one point.But obviously ”Coppafeel” feels differently about it.He probably thinks like this:”yeap,even bad rumours means publicity which means some more fame and popularity for me,so no sweat about the bad rumours,the more there are the better I will feel”.There really is no point to try to make a reason with this person.Whatever you”ll tell him he”ll smile like an idiot and think that you aren’t good enough to worth anything else than 6 or 7 times f******* or anything better than this!The way he is behaving he seems like that kind of worthless geek .

    Reply
  44. ''Jim Carrey'' | November 8, 2007 at 4:00 pm

    The man is guilty as charged!We don’t need any more evidence ,u know.Even the expression of his face can reveal his feelings and that totaly betrays what he really is!I mean he’s usually talking nonsense and other bullshit and he shows us his tongue like some kind of perverse.Now,why would someone act like that if he wasn’t a slimy asshole,ha?You tell me!Anyone?..He doesn’t really give a shit about anyone,but himshelf,he’s a selfish dude.Everything he does reveals his selfishness!He has an ugly face too,mine is ugly as well,but that’s not the point.Oh, and the girl in the picture surely looking worst than Claudia.She looks like a she-goat.David always looks like shit ,with a lot of stupidity on his face!His situation is like the butterfly effect, meaning:some details can make the difference and tell us a lot about his mental ”health”.So now that I solve the mystery ”coppaffeel” won’t I get an applause?!!

    Reply
  45. Sherilyn | November 9, 2007 at 5:10 pm

    Anyway, does ”Copafeel” has anything on him that makes him seem like a nice person ?Well ,probably he doesn’t try enough to be nice ….hmm let me think if he has something that looks good on him..ooh, yeah ,i found it .His eyebrows !

    Reply
  46. Niki | November 10, 2007 at 2:00 pm

    I just wonder if he still likes dating women from the audience ,what was he doing differently 30 years ago?At his middle age that poor bastard should already have a nice family by now and be happy.Enough with the programm!If he’s still chasing stupid models he must have been missing something.What a jerk.He’s a big loserrrr!And what does he get in return?Not love ,not appreciation just humiliation.So let him base on his lawyer.

    Reply
  47. CRAZYGIRL | November 11, 2007 at 4:58 am

    kopperfield looks like a bitch!He should enjoy other male bitches in jail!He’s gonna love it there!!!The others prisoners,oh,they’re gonna love him ,they’re gonna teach some new magic tricks …..Copafeel reminds me of that bitch,Soula was her name, that I worked with in our beauty salloon.She had the same fucked up insane look at her eyes as David’s.Almost the same ironical attitude about everything.

    Reply
  48. Christopher | November 12, 2007 at 10:51 am

    David ,say too quickly:ifyouwannafuckforfunnyfuckyourshelfandkeepthemoney!!!
    Copperfield let down all of his fans!What kind of fucking magic is this to be accused of rape and let the police searching your house like you are some creep?He seems ridicilous!No ,David, definetely not cool this hole thing.Actually this was the stupidest story I’ve ever heard.He has dissapointed everyone.I guess I’m his ex fan from now on .I’ll admire real stars now .Next please…

    Reply
  49. Christopher | November 13, 2007 at 7:54 am

    David Blaine is good looking.On the contrary David Copperfield is not that attractive.Copperfield looks like a ferrel.he he he he!

    Reply
  50. Christopher | November 16, 2007 at 4:36 pm

    D.C. you aren’t that attractive to fuck like an animal,so you think there is something about you that makes you adorable?

    Reply

Leave a Comment

Name (Visible)
Email (Required, Not Visible)