David Copperfield is trying way, way too hard

November 5th, 2007 // 55 Comments

David Copperfield is currently under investigation for allegedly raping a woman at his private resort in the Bahamas. David has an elaborate system set-up with his employees to help him meet women. This system is so detailed that David Copperfield provides his workers with an instruction manual for locating “scorpions” which is a code used for women the magician is particularly interested in. TMZ reports:

The document describes how the assistants need to be heads-up for attractive women whom David can meet backstage after the performance. We’re told the plan is to keep boyfriends and husband in the arena, adding “from time to time, boyfriends and husbands will give us a hard time and refuse to stay. If that is the case, try your best to get them to stay and refer to the “What to Say” sheet for help.”

And it gets creepier.

According to the document, “On occasion David will have you pull in both scorpions even if he is only interested in one of them, just for comfort.”

Another part of the document sounds eerily similar to the circumstances surrounding the rape allegations against David Copperfield:

The assistants are told to sell the women before David arrives backstage. They’re supposed to say: “Do you know that David has recently bought some islands in the Bahamas? Well they are BEAUTIFUL and we are doing a lot of project (sic) for these islands: Ads, TV, Radio and many other promotions. So we like (sic) to keep in touch with you in case there is a job in the future we think you would be interested in.”

Maybe instead of all the cloak and dagger bullshit, David Copperfield should just end his show with a simple offer: “Hey, I’m freaking rich beyond belief and recently purchased my own set of islands in the Bahamas. If you’re a young woman no older than thirty and is into that sort of thing, we should totally do it backstage. Thanks for coming out tonight, folks. Have a wonderful evening.” See, it works on so many levels. It’s simple. It’s honest. And, I dunno, no one has to fly twelve hours home to take a rape kit. Sorry, David Copperfield, but that’s usually not a cool way to end a date. At least not the first one.


  1. Guy

    Oh lawrd…

  2. PunkA

    Abracadabra. Speaking of, of that chick wearing a bra? Probably not. Slut.

  3. Micky Mc

    Creepy guy

  4. RENEE Z...

    At first glance I was gonna say rock band members do the same thing all the time at concerts…then I read the whole thing. Holy frackin sheet. Thats creepy. He sounds like serial murderer material.

  5. kpol

    Damn, he’s creepy. Oh well, the trial should be entertaining. Maybe, he can be cell mates with O. J.

  6. Whodey

    thats pretty elaborate and creepy.

  7. veggi

    Please! If they go backstage, they’re asking for whatever they get. I’ve got absolutely no sympathy for these sluts.

  8. Man, that guy is a tard. He needs some chick crack and game. I suggest walking around with mistletoe in his crotch dangling with 100 dollar bills.

  9. Damn, hasn’t he heard of Rohypnol??? I always go out with one in my pocket, in case it’s getting late at a bar and I haven’t had much success, or I see some hot girl way out of my league. Works like a charm. Works better than charm.

  10. PunkA

    His best line is during sex. He’ll tell a chick to look at his penis. And then he’ll say “Now you see it, now you don’t” over and over again. Like magic. Abracadabra. Only with an orgasm.

  11. What an assclown!
    In fact, he’s been nominated for “Captain Assclown”, yeah !

  12. lux

    Scott Stap has been using this protocal for years as well.

  13. Ooba Gooba

    Too bad nothing is going to happen to this moron. He’s a rich celebrity. He’s automatically innocent.

  14. justifiable

    “Scorpions” as in “the sting is in the tail” scorpions? Yarg, what a fucking creepazoid. Hope this girl stings him, but good.

  15. Binky

    I thought it was a bit weird when he had this woman on stage and started saying “Abaca-rape-ya” !

  16. Laughable...

    I don’t buy the script, Mr. Cruise…I mean, Senator Craig…I mean, Doogie. When you ‘buy her off,’ that will be the proof this is all a con.

  17. sheasie


  18. He has every right to make the first step towards meeting attractive women.

    No one is forcing them to WANT to meet him.

    But sooner of later, you are bound to meet the wrong person – who can make your life hell.

    Don’t you think many more women would have come forward by now – if he had a pattern of doing this.

    People dont behave in a vacuum. If he did it once, he must have done it many times before at his age.

  19. emily

    ummm.. when i went to vegas last spring break david copperfield used me as his assistant on stage for the scorpion card trick.. wtf

  20. bosendorfer

    he sure is fun to hate!

  21. roughdaddy

    ill bet theres been a lot of consenting victims on those islands …yes those tactics are creepy,,,but the guy is not in a band,,,in a band you know groupies go all out without any coercing….

  22. I’m “multi-talented”, ’cause I know magic too. I can make David Copperfield’s schlong disappear leaving you to wonder where it went, … and leaving me with a sore throat. I’m that good!

  23. wow, i guess he gets his dating advice from that long haired dude from “showgirls”…

    anyone who’s seen that wretched movie knows what i’m talking about…

    “doggy chow? i LOVE doggy chow!”

  24. Ript1&0

    I agree, he should just come out and say it. Why the elaborate plan? He must get off on the power trip of tricking them.

  25. mikefish

    Why is everyone talking about this sad wrinkly man.

    The chick very hot. We talk about her instead.

    I like her, and want fuck her. First fuck from front like human, then from back like dog. Then have blow job like teenager. Then finally up bum shit hole like with Tom Cruise does boys. After that, kill her and find other woman like O Jay.

    Did I say enough to get American citizenship, or too much so am getting posting removed.

  26. makemepuke

    fuckin creepy rich prick..thyre all the same.

  27. The asshole is maskering his gay-ness. All those wizzards are FAGGOT. Mabe he fucked a couple of young guy’s/gay’s over there and maskering his FAGGOT-story with (rapin) beautiful women, WHO KNOWS!!
    HE IS STILL A WIZZARD, remember!!

  28. KTG

    My question is, how did this homo get so rich that he can afford to buy his own island? The boys are gonna love him in jail.

  29. mikefish

    I almost forget. She have nice perky breasts.

    I want fuck them too.

  30. jacknasty

    I feel bad for that blond chick in the pic, the story isnt about her but her pic with David is everywhere.

    oh yea. and I feel bad for the chick who got raped too

  31. i USED to like him…now no more~

  32. iburl

    Rape Humor…. You are a brave asshole.

  33. eeee

    If he was just honest and had his assistants say “david bought some islands awhile back, wouldn’t you like to have a free romantic vacation with David alone.” She’d be on the first plane. He is like Luster, all the money in the world, could have almost any pretty girl they want, but they aren’t satisfied with that. They have to be the predator and either drug them or rape them or both to satisfy their sick demented sexual fantasies. SICKO! Why can’t Michael Moore make a leftist propaganda movie about this?

  34. You’re so on target. Here, here!

  35. )(


  36. Mike Motorcycle

    What a creepy slimeball. What do you expect though, from a nerdy jew with no game. Jews are too smart to be sexy so they have to resort to mind games to win women over. Kind of like the geeky jew kid who tries to learn hypnotism to ‘mezmerize’ women into liking him. Ugh, the plans and schemes of these people never cease to amaze me.

  37. Axeldee


  38. Soy


  39. Redhead

    It’s not funny to joke about rape. Ever. No woman deserves to be raped. EVER.

  40. Jimmy

    come on you guys…Give this poor man a break,will you?It’s not his fault .He has a very possessive and severe mother.He is not free and independent.That vixen has drive her son mad!!!I know because I have a crazy mother too.My god, why can’t you love me mother?Why?Whyyyyy?WHYYYYYY?I’m begging you mom don’t be cruel to your son!You love your son don’t you?Heeelp!Mummy returns!

  41. David Copperfield himshelf

    I won’t be responsible for my actions ,if anything bad happens it’s gonna be all your fault mother!Not mine!Why CAN’T YOU you love ME enough?mpouhou hou!BITCH!

  42. RaraAvis

    Who IS the woman in this picture? I’ve seen it posted on several sites. Is it that difficult to get a picture of this guy, that you bloggers need to keep using the same shot again and again? Or is it just because he looks sorta creepy here?

  43. Vicky

    Every famous guy could prevent some gossip and some bad rumours there will be about him if he’d like to at least until one point.But obviously ”Coppafeel” feels differently about it.He probably thinks like this:”yeap,even bad rumours means publicity which means some more fame and popularity for me,so no sweat about the bad rumours,the more there are the better I will feel”.There really is no point to try to make a reason with this person.Whatever you”ll tell him he”ll smile like an idiot and think that you aren’t good enough to worth anything else than 6 or 7 times f******* or anything better than this!The way he is behaving he seems like that kind of worthless geek .

  44. ''Jim Carrey''

    The man is guilty as charged!We don’t need any more evidence ,u know.Even the expression of his face can reveal his feelings and that totaly betrays what he really is!I mean he’s usually talking nonsense and other bullshit and he shows us his tongue like some kind of perverse.Now,why would someone act like that if he wasn’t a slimy asshole,ha?You tell me!Anyone?..He doesn’t really give a shit about anyone,but himshelf,he’s a selfish dude.Everything he does reveals his selfishness!He has an ugly face too,mine is ugly as well,but that’s not the point.Oh, and the girl in the picture surely looking worst than Claudia.She looks like a she-goat.David always looks like shit ,with a lot of stupidity on his face!His situation is like the butterfly effect, meaning:some details can make the difference and tell us a lot about his mental ”health”.So now that I solve the mystery ”coppaffeel” won’t I get an applause?!!

  45. Sherilyn

    Anyway, does ”Copafeel” has anything on him that makes him seem like a nice person ?Well ,probably he doesn’t try enough to be nice ….hmm let me think if he has something that looks good on him..ooh, yeah ,i found it .His eyebrows !

  46. Niki

    I just wonder if he still likes dating women from the audience ,what was he doing differently 30 years ago?At his middle age that poor bastard should already have a nice family by now and be happy.Enough with the programm!If he’s still chasing stupid models he must have been missing something.What a jerk.He’s a big loserrrr!And what does he get in return?Not love ,not appreciation just humiliation.So let him base on his lawyer.


    kopperfield looks like a bitch!He should enjoy other male bitches in jail!He’s gonna love it there!!!The others prisoners,oh,they’re gonna love him ,they’re gonna teach some new magic tricks …..Copafeel reminds me of that bitch,Soula was her name, that I worked with in our beauty salloon.She had the same fucked up insane look at her eyes as David’s.Almost the same ironical attitude about everything.

  48. Christopher

    David ,say too quickly:ifyouwannafuckforfunnyfuckyourshelfandkeepthemoney!!!
    Copperfield let down all of his fans!What kind of fucking magic is this to be accused of rape and let the police searching your house like you are some creep?He seems ridicilous!No ,David, definetely not cool this hole thing.Actually this was the stupidest story I’ve ever heard.He has dissapointed everyone.I guess I’m his ex fan from now on .I’ll admire real stars now .Next please…

  49. Christopher

    David Blaine is good looking.On the contrary David Copperfield is not that attractive.Copperfield looks like a ferrel.he he he he!

  50. Christopher

    D.C. you aren’t that attractive to fuck like an animal,so you think there is something about you that makes you adorable?

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