David Blaine is a failure

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If you didn’t watch David Blaine’s attempt to break the world record for holding his breath underwater yesterday, you didn’t miss much. Mostly because he didn’t. The current record is 8 minutes 58 seconds and Blaine claimed he would top it, but fell short and only managed 7:08 before divers had to jump in and rescue him. He’d been living in an underwater sphere for the past week and this was supposed to be his big finale.

On Sunday, six days after he’d submerged himself into the water-filled tank, Blaine told ABC News that life in a big fish bowl was starting to become “horrific in many, many ways. Every muscle doesn’t just ache, it feels like a sharp, shooting pain–like a knife being stabbed.”

Actually, other than that, Blaine’s maladies included, per reports: atrophied muscles, an earache, skin rashes and a touch of liver damage. “I don’t think it’s permanent, but I’ve never felt this kind of pain in a stunt before.”

7:08 is a pretty impressive number, but Blaine’s “tricks” just aren’t exciting anymore. Maybe for his next stunt he can crank things up a notch and try flying a rocketship into the sun. No twist, just fly into the sun and then disintegrate.