David Blaine broke the Guiness World Record today for holding one’s breath. David held his breath underwater for 17 minutes 4 seconds. That’s pretty amazing considering one time I got water up my nose in the shower and fled my house in terror. Probably should’ve grabbed a towel first…. The AP reports:
The feat was broadcast live during “The Oprah Winfrey Show” and the studio audience cheered as divers pulled the 35-year-old magician from a water-filled sphere.
Blaine looked relaxed afterward and said the record was “a lifelong dream.”
Before he entered the sphere, Blaine inhaled pure oxygen through a mask to saturate his blood with oxygen and flush out carbon dioxide.
Unfortunately, David’s moment in the sun is about to be cut short. THIS JUST IN: Criss Angel has broken the record for most jewelry worn by one person. Moment’s ago, he stepped into a bar wearing the entire Claire’s charm bracelet collection. When asked to comment, Criss Angel responded by falling over in a crash of sparkly pandas and peace signs. He would later cough up a ruby-crusted family of unicorns before asking a woman for her number. SHAZAM!
M | April 30, 2008 at 12:41 pm
and still no one gives a shit about him
sportsdvl | April 30, 2008 at 12:41 pm
He’s a tool, but that is pretty remarkable.
SaraDevil | April 30, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Wait, you mean he is still breathing? I thought he got turned into a snowglobe or something.
Puddin' Taine | April 30, 2008 at 12:45 pm
And this is magic how?
Auntie Kryst | April 30, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Why isn’t he recognized for his life long record breaking attempt at the douchebag dour blank stare??
Cheating enhanced technology | April 30, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Compare this little twerp with oh say Johnny Weismueller who actually swam while underwater. Hypersaturating with oxygen, hmmmm. Is he on steroids and HGH and crack as well?
Just wait til the future for the genetically enhanced elite performer/athlete/sex-slaves!!!!!!! Brave New World!
I can’t even get my girlfriend to shut her mouth long enough to give me head.
mcbeef | April 30, 2008 at 12:53 pm
fuck i wish he would have died. i would have even watch oprah if i knew that fuck was gonna die on air.
the only magic him and piss angel are good for is making cocks disappear up their asses.
lisa | April 30, 2008 at 12:55 pm
you’re my idol. that’s some funny stuff.
Boobmaster | April 30, 2008 at 12:58 pm
FIRST!!!!!
Expert on Everything | April 30, 2008 at 12:58 pm
after a night of stripping at the olympic gardens strip club in vegas, david blane and his posse of geeks asked me if i could score some blow. of course i could and wanted to hang and blow some too. when we got to my friends house they wanted to change the order to HERION. his geek friends didn’t want to say it at the club cuz he’s microscopically famous and doing herion would somehow tarnish his name. i was so down and out at the time (stripping in vegas, coke head, black guys), but david blaine made me feel like mother teresa, he was such a scum bag.
carlos | April 30, 2008 at 12:59 pm
#10 Deacon Jones, is that you?
FRIST!!! | April 30, 2008 at 1:00 pm
No wonder he’s drain bamaged..
lola | April 30, 2008 at 1:03 pm
funniest entry ever! hehahaheehee
john | April 30, 2008 at 1:04 pm
fuck David Blane, A scientology ad. on thesuperficial, WTF
john | April 30, 2008 at 1:06 pm
fuck David Blane, A scientology ad. on thesuperficial, WTF
That’s it I’m done here, NEVER viewing this site again
M | April 30, 2008 at 1:08 pm
#14+15 You’re a fool for not using ad-blocking software
FRIST!!! | April 30, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Ok buh bye john.
#10 wtf is HERION??? Obviously not an expert on spelling..
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | April 30, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Fuck… just two more minutes and we would never had to hear about another stunt from this dumb fuck. Let’s see him set the world record for beuing devoured by killer jellyfish. What’s that Davey Boy? No???? Pussy…..
David | April 30, 2008 at 1:15 pm
twaaaaaaaaaaa.
john | April 30, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Thats not the point, the fact is that the site admin. has sold ( for MONEY) web ad space to scientology. “Cunts”, if you #16 can see the ads. or not does not fucking matter. thesuperficial have sold their sole’s
veggi | April 30, 2008 at 1:19 pm
hahahahaha!!! 20- who cares if they sold the bottom of their shoes? Couldn’t have gotten much for that, eh? Unless thems gots diamonds…..
veggi | April 30, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Or was it the fish?? Those overseas spammers gotta eat too..
Grunion | April 30, 2008 at 1:21 pm
I’d be more impressed if he got Oprah to shut the fuck up for 17 minutes.
Oprah | April 30, 2008 at 1:23 pm
There’s nothing wrong with Scientology. People need to learn to be more tolerant.
Jimbo | April 30, 2008 at 1:23 pm
What is the big deal? I can hold my breath for 20 minutes..
john | April 30, 2008 at 1:25 pm
you now what the fuck i mean “souls”
they still made money from scientology, if you don’t “get” the irony of that then this site is one big fucking joke, or shall we all surf together the articles mocking “Tom and his merry men”
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | April 30, 2008 at 1:27 pm
I once had this girl hold her breath for about 20 minutes… then she finally gave up and let go of the pillow.
FRIST!!! | April 30, 2008 at 1:28 pm
wonder if I can get youporn at work..
veggi | April 30, 2008 at 1:29 pm
naw, naw, I’m just funnin john…. however, I don’t see any scientology ads…although I see we can get dental implants and sex panther T-shirts..
FRIST!!! | April 30, 2008 at 1:29 pm
I really need some more radiohead. I mean COFFEE!!!! God I need to lay of the HERION
FRIST!!! | April 30, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Huh all I get are fifteen fucking thousand ads for RINGTONES!!!!!
M | April 30, 2008 at 1:33 pm
#26 “you now what the fuck i mean “souls”"
lol.. it’s spelled “KNOW”
I thought you were leaving anyway, twat.
Uncle Eccoli | April 30, 2008 at 1:34 pm
This guy is a con man, plain and simple. I would be willing to respect him as an impressive illusionist if he didn’t hold out his ‘stunts’ to be genuine feats of endurance. He didn’t hold his breath, he wasn’t frozen in a block of ice, and he wasn’t in that box dangling above London for days on end – which is fine in and of itself, it’s a good trick – it sure *looks* like he’s in there, just like it sure *looked* like David Copperfield had made the Statue of Liberty disappear. But David Blaine wants you to believe that he’s *actually* sawing the woman in half, which is a sore insult to his audience and other magicians.
Trover | April 30, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Sadly, he started breathing again. He ought to try to hold his breath TO DEATH. A dirt nap is what this clown needs.
erin | April 30, 2008 at 2:15 pm
um, excuse me. SPOILER ALERT.
Hecubus | April 30, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Not nearly long enough.
Clif | April 30, 2008 at 2:23 pm
i wish he’d held it for 18 minutes. or whatever length of time it would take death’s icy fingers to grip his chicken neck.
jimbonics | April 30, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Geez guys. Regardless of how he did it, he held his breath for 17 fucking minutes. As a former diver in HS, THREE minutes is a long fucking time, hyperventilating included.
And John, if you didn’t search so much for Scientology, the ad service wouldn’t push it to you. You actually think Scientology came to the Superficial looking to give them money? No, you fucktard.
IFuckingHateYou | April 30, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Fucking Fish & Scientology – I can’t see any Scientology ads and it’s really making my self-esteem come crashing down. The Scientologists don’t want me?!?!?
Does this mean Tommy Boy has more money than me somehow?
FUCK, now I remember, I spent all of grand-daddy’s inheritence on coke & hookers. Of course they don’t want me.
TCLTC
pj | April 30, 2008 at 2:35 pm
well i guess since he failed miserably by almost 2 mins trying to hold his breath underwater without pure oxygen last time, he might as well try this.
IFuckingHateYou | April 30, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Ahhh, now I see the ad. I think if you type
TCLTC three times, the ad magically appears.
Fuck David Blaine, that’s real magic there.
Guy | April 30, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Beat Guybrush :(
Tapeworm | April 30, 2008 at 2:42 pm
I believe the Criss Angel record you’re thinking of is being the biggest fucking douchebag poseur pussy on the planet.
Ted from LA | April 30, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Next, I’d like to see Oprah hold her breath for an hour.
Jrz | April 30, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Words cannot express how little I care about this.
Jodi | April 30, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Re: 42.
Good to see a “The Secret of Monkey Island” joke…my favourite game of all-time, easily.
^Jodi
xtina | April 30, 2008 at 3:32 pm
HEY! I love that you posted this! At least this guy is famous for doing something a little more interesting then having a big ass or some mediocre sex tape. I was rolling at sparkly pandas, man you can write some good nonsense.
Racer X | April 30, 2008 at 4:17 pm
THAT TRICK SUCKS!!!
Anexio | April 30, 2008 at 5:26 pm
You Barbie sized my hat you bitch!
Cooter Jenkins | April 30, 2008 at 7:20 pm
“That’s pretty amazing considering one time I got water up my nose in the shower and fled my house in terror. ”
I nearly pissed myself with laughter when I read that. Hahahahahaha