Sometimes dreams do come true. In this case, a really retarded one called “David Beckham: The Musical.” (Actually, it’s called “The Theater of Dreams,” but close enough.) Set to launch in London’s West Side, the production will basically portray David as the Jesus of soccer. I shit you not. The UK Telegraph reports:
“Beckham’s story is a modern-day fairytale of heroes, villains, love, Manchester United and what it means to lead your country,” explained Mark Archer, the songwriter behind this celebration of Beckham’s first 33 years. “His rise from obscurity to international stardom, his universally acknowledged gifts as a supreme sportsman, and his Hollywood lifestyle all have the elements of an aspirational fable.
“With football and celebrity now firmly established as new secular Western religions, The Theatre of Dreams is set within a cheering football stadium – the modern-day church. The music is powerful, gospel-like rock to establish clearly football and Manchester United as a religion.”
David Beckham’s life is “a modern-day fairytale of heroes, villains, love, Manchester United and what it means to lead your country.” Uh, wow, that’s pretty epic for a guy who plays soccer and married a Spice Girl. Sure, he had sex with a bunch of women on the side, but have you seen some of them? It’d have been more epic if he banged a toaster.
Thanks to Ellie who prays every night that Victoria Beckham is cast as a soccer ball.
syn | August 19, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Yawn.
Mike Hawk | August 19, 2008 at 12:38 pm
lamer than his wife..
Mike Hawk | August 19, 2008 at 12:38 pm
lamer than his wife..
Ted Kennedy's tumor | August 19, 2008 at 12:40 pm
All you will here is slurp, slurp, slurp…splat as all he does is suck off other guys and they splat in his face. That should be very interesting. If you are a liberal homo.
Rant | August 19, 2008 at 12:44 pm
This guy is a bag………of the douche variety. And he so fucking dim he makes George Bush look like Stephen Hawking.
sammy | August 19, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Chicks in bikinis ONLY please.
oscar | August 19, 2008 at 1:02 pm
..and its going to be sung by the vienna’s boy choir but david will be very hands on in choosing which boys get to play a part.
get it? i said.. HANDS ON.. pretty clever, huh? huh?
ProudToBritish | August 19, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Lame, dumb, gay….oh you butch of bitches. He earns millions for playing a sport he loves, he’s a successful father, a successful husband, 3 great kids and a wife who not only earns millions herself too but also ignores all the made up lies the British press print about him and stays by her man. No wonder you losers are jealous!
havoc | August 19, 2008 at 1:04 pm
So he dies at the end right?
Good.
.
dogonabone | August 19, 2008 at 1:06 pm
#9 nice.
the NFL will always be my religon
jdb | August 19, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Isn’t this the leaked plot of that new movie “Hamlet 2: the most offensive musical…ever!”
Ed Castillo | August 19, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Beckham!
rose | August 19, 2008 at 1:12 pm
oh? Really?He mentioned that in his blog at Richromances.com a few weeks ago. That bl;og is still available!
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW | August 19, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Fuck am I the only woman who hates musicals. I cant fucking stand them I have never been to one and never will. They have appeared on television and I have misplaced the remote long enough to get the gist of how fucking god awful oh and I think some baby sitter forced me to watch the sound of music and the wizard of oz since I sometimes have nightmarish flashbacks. Awful awful things musicals, it’s like quit fucking singing, what in th fuck are you singing for? No one just breaks out in song unless they’re fucking out to lunch which is exactly what anyone who likes musicals is.
Oh and I can’t stand this douche so this could not be a less apetizing combo unless J-lo’s ass made an appearance.
buck | August 19, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Beckham has the depth of Obama, but al least he’s not a closet Muslim
vg902 | August 19, 2008 at 2:21 pm
i hope R kelly is not singing ,who knows posh may be in the closet
dilly | August 19, 2008 at 2:31 pm
He starting to look pretty damn ugly. I am sick of him and his pig faced wife.
jaime | August 19, 2008 at 2:43 pm
WTF?? what about maradona, or pele, or messi, or ronaldinho??? these are much better FOOTBALL players, they are real. beckham is just a male whore that sells himself to brands and to a USA team, when we all know that the US don’t have real football. the real football/soccer is played in europe and south america…
meridianwest | August 19, 2008 at 2:49 pm
i like football + i hate musicals = i would never go to see it.
seriously — who are they targeting?
HelioMobile | August 19, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Dear David;
FIRE YOUR AGENT NOWWWWWWW ?????
Whats next? “Mamma Mia 2″ ?
cecilia | August 19, 2008 at 3:01 pm
brits and their football obsession..
somuchbetter | August 19, 2008 at 3:06 pm
I hate musicals but I love that bod. Mmmmmm yummmmy.
My question is, uh. You have all these articles about girls in bikinis. GIVE ME A HOT HALF-NAKED GUY. You have the chance now, despite his douche-baggery, and all I get is his face?!
C’mon now.
rough daddy | August 19, 2008 at 3:09 pm
you can count on the gays to turn everything into a musical,,,
NFL RULES!!! | August 19, 2008 at 4:16 pm
David Beckham is a biSexual fairy and a douche. Want to see REAL females, not crossdressers like Beckham. What a nasty buttsex fiend!
Tom Cruise Loves David Beckhams Inchworm
David Beckham Loves the Anal with Tom Cruise
PS The FAIRY Beckham wouldn’t last 2 downs in the NFL; he would be out with an injury! He couldn’t hold Bret Favre’s towel! Fuckin wimpy weasel!
eyepopper | August 19, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Beckham’s not the greatest footballer going, but in an era where image is everything, and style over substance rulez, he is a demigod.
eyepopper | August 19, 2008 at 4:28 pm
@24, if u wanna play a REAL man’s sport, play rugby. NFL is considered to be a joke in the rest of the world.
Amy Grindhouse | August 19, 2008 at 4:51 pm
The pretty man should smile not talk eh?
NY Ted | August 19, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Are they going to mention that he has done nothing on the pitch for the last 5 years…!!! His playing days are done like last years christmas dinner…!!
Blah | August 19, 2008 at 5:18 pm
I thought he was hot. But why does he look ugly & retarded here? Something odd going on with his eyes that I never noticed; maybe he usually covers them with sunglasses? Oh, and I have to agree w/ #14…fricken musicals suck ass & I can’t stand them. Never could understand the appeal of wizard of oz, etc. So no, you’re not the only woman who hates them.
Cracker-Mutt | August 19, 2008 at 11:06 pm
Look at him – isn’t he pretty ……………….
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | August 20, 2008 at 9:13 am
#26 – Yeah… that’s why it sells out every exhibition game overseas. And it’s real easy to say it’s a joke when a rugby player has no chance of having to get smushed by a 400lb 6′ 9″ linebacker. The Superbowl is still the biggest single sporting event in the world. Deal with it.
#9 – HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… if only… the funny thing is, I’m sure he’s used to getting his Speedos stuffed in the back way more than in the front…
gerard Vandenberg | August 20, 2008 at 10:24 am
soccer wasn’t his game folks!!
meg norman | August 20, 2008 at 2:08 pm
leave him and his wife alone his wife eats ok and they have kids so shut up
MoneyFame.com | August 21, 2008 at 8:18 am
The UK Telegraph must be pulling a prank surely!! He seems like a good bloke, plays football rather well but is way too overrated as a footballer and celebrity. But if they manage to pull this off, then fair game to him and his management team.
meg norman | August 21, 2008 at 11:24 am
leave them alone his wife eats they have kids
meg norman | August 21, 2008 at 11:25 am
leave them alone his wife eats they have kids
Hannah T | August 23, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Ok, I so do not care about a musical of David Beckham’s life, I cannot think of anything more sad or mundane than an entire production team dedicated to this totally overpaid waste of space….
BUT….’London’s west SIDE?’ Erm….it’s not the States. West END. West END.
*End of rant*
garrett | May 22, 2010 at 3:51 am
David Beckahm is the biggest cocksucker and his wife knows it ASK TOM CRUISE
garrett | May 22, 2010 at 3:51 am
David Beckahm is the biggest cocksucker and his wife knows it ASK TOM CRUISE