David Beckham is kind of a pussy, also idiot

December 8th, 2008 // 48 Comments

Tough guy David Beckham decided to start a fight with a paparazzo yesterday, but then let his bodyguards do the dirty work while he jetted off to get a manicure and, let’s assume, vaginal rejuvenation surgery. E! Online reports:

According to an eyewitness, Beckham went up to the car and tried to get the driver to come out. When the driver declined, Beckham’s bodyguard went to the passenger’s side and punches began flying.
The scuffle did not go unnoticed by the authorities. “They started fighting right in the street in front of the police station,” an eyewitness tells E! News.
“Once the bodyguards and the paparazzi started fighting David ran back to the car and he and Victoria drove off…The cops finally came and broke it up.”

Questioning of David Beckham’s testicular fortitude aside, I gotta admit it’d be pretty badass to have bodyguards that will fight people on command. But at what price? A plastic wife and a best friend who’s always trying to wash your back in the shower? – - Then again, cleanliness is Godliness, and it’s not like I haven’t slept with Barbie before. So where do I sign, and can my bodyguards carry chainsaws?

Photos: WENN

  1. Rant

    Overrated douche.

  2. boogermeister

    First; all you soccer sluts kick my balls

  3. ashley


  4. Rant

    Overrated douche.

  5. boogermeister

    First; all you soccer sluts kick my balls

  6. mimi

    He is handsome and you would do the same in his position. Victoria is lovely and real, not like Frist – a phony

  7. boogermeister

    oh well; so i’ll settle for sloppy seconds

  8. timara

    He’s so fucking sexy he can do whatever he wants. A million times hotter than any of the jealous male superficial posters.

  9. U-R-PlumCrazy!

    I don’t care what he did, this guy is flippen HOT!

  10. havoc

    Of course he’s a pussy.

    He plays soccer for Christ’s sake!


  11. Ted Kennedy's Tumor

    havoc, not to mention Brittish.

    Back in the day, who were the only idiots to defect TO the Soviet Union…..

    Brittish pole smokers.

  12. Jim

    He’s like all soccer players – drawn to the sport because they all spent most of their time rolling on the ground grabbing their ankles…and that’s just during team parties.

  13. Whitey Hatin' Coon

    Why do webe be haffin’ to look at dis mofo all da time. Dis jist anuttha plan by the White man to keep the brutha’s down. 400 years of O-presshinn and still more Honkey’s playin’ socker dan da Black Man….s’okay cuzz Ize gonsta git my check from B’rock Obomma.

  14. Sport

    “Victoria is lovely and real”

    Uh, wow. Just – WOW.
    We have a winner for the dumbfuck award.

    Someone please identify ONE body part on that skeleton that is real.

  15. duhdoyeder

    #13 – you can’t be that obvious when you troll out of nowhere with that stuff. Try again. Tone it way down and put in just one truly offensive sentence toward the end, or wait for a race-baiting story. Don’t worry, there’s at least one a day here.

  16. The Truth

    I bet there’s a lot of women who would like to eat that pussy.

  17. p0nk

    praying for mimi…

  18. jrz

    Meh…it ended for me when I heard him actually speak. That voice….he makes Mike Tyson sound positively baritone.

  19. Step

    an affair with Tom…

  20. flouze

    fuck the paparazzi

  21. i would

    i woul let him do what ever he wants and i would love to massage his feet after a game or whenever

  22. jim

    Try having hundreds of millions of dollars and punching someone in the face. Its called a lawsuit -and then equally bad press. If Plaxaco Burris had a body guard he wouldnt be suspended and looking at jail time. Smart move from a limey Brit.

  23. dew

    check his hairline in #1 and #4. is that natural?

  24. lililili

    Brad Garrett would have punched that paparazzo out like the man that he is

  25. He obviously had both of those shoes in Tom’s ass at some point…


  26. luckluck

    How exactly does a skinny, prissy, soccer-playing English twat get the label “tough guy”? Anyone?

  27. Beckhamisasoccerwhore

    i mean, he can do whatever the hell he wants. he was once the david beckham. now he’s that guy who used to be really good before really sucking and then trying to camouflage it by playing in the US.

    also love the Smashing Pumpkins reference, Fish

  28. Beckhamisasoccerwhore

    i mean, he can do whatever the hell he wants. he was once the david beckham. now he’s that guy who used to be really good before really sucking and then trying to camouflage it by playing in the US.

    also love the Smashing Pumpkins reference, Fish

  29. Jrz

    He had what where, Eliot?

  30. Huh?

    Smashing Pumpkins reference? Where?

  31. Érico

    He’s a pussy.
    Victoria isn’t hot.
    Those who diss soccer are those who can’t run and think at the same time.

  32. jessi

    He doesn’t have to lift a finger because he’s ridiculously rich… and hot.

  33. LV

    No, you’re a pussy for

  34. LV

    No, you’re just a jealous piece of shit. David is a busy man, he’s sick and tired of some stupid guy chasing him around with a camera every time he leaves the house. This site fucking sucks

  35. Katherine

    You know him and Tom Cruise are boning. And if they are, I would love to join them…although I doubt they would want me, you know, they’re not into that…

    Tom and Beck: “Vagina…ew…gross!”

  36. samantha

    The paparazzi are punks.

    Now that I’ve said that, David Beckham Loves the Cock!

    He’s a whiney, sniveling, overrated, injury prone fairy!

  37. Amy Winehouse

    Leave mimi alone! Pray for mimi! Fuck with mimi and I’ll open a drum of bloody limey kick-ass on you!

  38. gunney

    The paparazzi are such whiney pussies, they couldn’t even whip eachothers asses. They are the weakest links of the food chain. And that is precisely why punks like David Beckham and Brad the douche Garret can pick on them. They won’t even fight back or defend themselves. Anyone who thinks Brad Garret, Tom Cruise, David Beckham et al are tough guys has never watched tough guys fight! They’re opportunistic fags pretending they are tough by fighting defenseless imbeciles!

  39. Dave

    Homosexuals sharing their fantasies about Beckham the sissy while using female names on this page noted. Funny how so many gay men are attracted to that sissy boy.

    David Beckham is having an affair with Tom Cruise.

  40. HALLELUJA, “DARK CLOUDS” are surrounding them, folks!!

  41. The Vessel speaks

    Beckham is known the world over for playing football. That’s right, football. It’s only you douches that call it soccer. Apart from A-Rod and OJ Simpson, name me one baseball or American footabll star known outside the US? You can’t, so shut it. (He does have a gay voice though, I’ll give you that.)

  42. poopscoop

    lol@Becks=toughguy.Next you’ll be saying Vinnie Jones is one too. Both of them aren’t/weren’t good footballers, and Becks is only in the States because you’re paying him megabucks and he wants to swan around Beverly Hills in his open-topped Bentley. BTW, only pussies call football “soccer.” And curiously most seem to inhabit continental USA.

  43. She is my favorite. Just saw her on milllionaire personals site “”"” W e a l t h y D a t e r . c o m”"”"”" last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site.Is she single again now? ?????????????????

  44. yesse

    i want him and his sweaty futbol feet

  45. becks

    #44 = one very gay man.

    PS we call it soccer because it’s the favorite activity of the gay community.

  46. b

    he plays soccer and hes from britan, but i bet he would beat the shit out of the wetnap that sits in a starbucks all day posting his pics and writing bs stories about him. Not to mention hes got enough money to buy you worthless life. Just keep this a bikini site and shut up.

  47. sinombre

    You are all so jelous knowing that all of you girlfriends, wifes or lovers will dump you for a night with that man!

  48. BT

    It’s because he is a 160lb pussy.

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