David Hasselhoff is The Gay Matrix Now

August 22nd, 2011 // 51 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

Here’s David Hasselhoff performing at something called G-A-Y London which I naturally assume is some sort of club where they hold Fantasy Football draft parties. I guess I could use someone else’s computer to actually look up this place and find out what it really is, but that would require effort and also violate a promise I made to my counselor during prayer group. Right about now you may be thinking to yourself “Geez, this sounds kinda homophobic.” You’re probably Ryan Murphy. But there’s a good chance that you also haven’t seen this pic where for one horrifyingly sober moment, The Hoff realizes that he agreed to do a show where he’s not going to get paid and he’s probably going home with swollen prostate again.

Photo: Fame, WENN


  1. Lemmiwinks

    The Hoff: I can take about an hour on the tower of power, long as I gets a little golden shower. Oh god, oh god I’m so fantastic, now thanks to Freddie I’m a sexual spastic.

  2. David Hasselhoff Gay Club
    Commented on this photo:

    Ugh. There’s nothing worse than a drag queen without her wig.

  3. David Hasselhoff Gay Club
    Commented on this photo:

    “I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious.”

  4. Fester

    In fairness, after waking from an alcoholic coma and finding himself in a gay nightclub the Hoff probably just assumed he was back in Germany.

  5. I guess Karl Lagerfeld had that ugly daughter after all.

  6. David Hasselhoff Gay Club
    Commented on this photo:

    David Hasselhoff – “But can I dodge ejaculate?”
    Trannies – “With that full-length leather trench coat, you won’t have to…”

  7. David Hasselhoff Gay Club
    Commented on this photo:

    “Cum on me if you want to live…”

  8. David Hasselhoff Gay Club
    Alberta Mike
    Commented on this photo:

    This is exactly how I remember Baywatch.

  9. Facebook Me

    I guess people will mess with the Hoff after all, for the right price…I guess? You call this performance art? WTF?

  10. This version’s going to have its own rendition of the Matrix’s renowned bullet-dodging scene, except Hoff will be bending over forward in slow motion and there’s no backside to that coat and those pants.

  11. Cock Dr

    Love the shot of all the trannies beating him with their wigs.
    Don’t quite understand what’s going on here except that it’s all GAY.

  12. David Hasselhoff Gay Club
    Uncle Phil
    Commented on this photo:

    Well, at least it’s good to see the Chris Kattan is finding work. Do you think he just tells his parents that he’s still on SNL?

  13. O come on Hoff, if you are gonna come out, then at least come out with guys that make Tara Reid look hot.

  14. Frank Burns

    Snooki, Octomom scars, now Hoff w/trannies . . . need Swanepoel and/or Hunziker photos, stat!

  15. Uncle Phil

    “Morpheus, when you said you’d show me how deep the rabbit hole went, I really didn’t think rabbit hole meant ass-pussy.”

  16. Catani

    OK…soooo….which one is David Hasselpoff ??

  17. David Hasselhoff Gay Club
    Commented on this photo:

    i don’t know which scares me the most.. pre or post-op barbie

  18. David Hasselhoff Gay Club
    Commented on this photo:

    Hasta la vista, libido.

  19. David Hasselhoff Gay Club
    Commented on this photo:

    damn, the hoff must need his booze money pretty bad to do a gig like this.
    but, i guess when you need money that bad- dignity does not exist.

  20. Dan

    That place actually looks like it would be a fun time.

  21. David Hasselhoff Gay Club
    Commented on this photo:

    “I know Butt Fu.”

  22. David Hasselhoff Gay Club
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh, but I need some time off from that emotion. Time to pick my burger off the floor…”

  23. David Hasselhoff Gay Club
    Commented on this photo:

    How did David Hasselhoff wind up in Robert Palmer’s nightmare?

  24. David Hasselhoff Gay Club
    Commented on this photo:

    “Fuck you, asshole. Oh, no—I didn’t mean that literally!”

  25. Ellis Havercamp

    Frankenstein meets perez Hilton?

  26. Ty Webb


  27. Ty Webb

    He might get real drunk and then try for their weenies

  28. Ah, so there IS going to be a third Sex and the City film after all…

  29. Lionel Ward

    Do you think he’s dumb enough to think he’s working with girls ?

  30. Larry Mondello

    He’s commando and pantless in this picture

  31. rican

    Getting ready to be filmed eating drunk, only this time its hot dogs.

  32. zomgbie

    i hope the machines win.

  33. Liverachee

    Those “performers” look diseased and sadistic. Hoff might just have a real good time

  34. Edgar Pethick-Lawrence

    This place is gayer than a Freddie Mercury revival concert

  35. David Hasselhoff Gay Club
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    “Fistin’. Fistin’. Everybody feeling great.
    Everybody is fistin’… fistin’… fistin’ the night away!”

  36. Pam

    OMG thats disturbing

  37. assbag says what?

  38. Abby Normal

    Isn’t the phrase “Gay Matrix” a teensy bit redundant?

  39. David Hasselhoff Gay Club
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yeah, I know Kung Foo! She’ll be onstage at nine. And she says your tits look like bricks duct taped to a shaved bear.”

  40. Reggie Bush

    Really though guys, gay people are just like straight people. No differences at all. Nothing at all to justify any sort of non-standard treatment.

  41. forrest gump

    when you’re close to sixty it means yyou can easily drop dead just any second.

  42. David Hasselhoff Gay Club
    Cindy Elmwood
    Commented on this photo:

    “So how do I tuck this thing?”

  43. Jared

    Drag is when a man wears everything a lesbian won’t

  44. Nik

    if those were actually chicks surrounding him, this would have reached badass levels of epic proportions

  45. Edgar Pethick-Lawrence

    Which one of the”girls” gets to use the strap – on first , oh , wait , they don’t need strap – ons !

  46. MsMe

    Why is Sarah Jessica Parker there on the left?

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