This Post Is About David Hasselhoff’s Insatiable Erection

It’s a great sign for an actor’s career when a round of promotional interviews for two projects results in nothing but headlines about his old boner. That’s exactly what happened when David Hasselhoff tried to talk about his upcoming show Nobody Gives A Shit and his new mockumentary series Seriously, We Don’t Care, What About That Time With The Cheeseburger And Your Boner? Via Mirror Online:

He insists it’s him who tires out Hayley Roberts between the sheets, not the other way round, despite their 27-year age gap (she is 35, by the way, not 89). “Do I take Viagra? No, I really don’t need to,” he smiles, knowingly. He then pauses, sort-of looks down at his crotch – I stare fixedly ahead. “Would you like me to show you?” he jokes.

This is how the interview begins, so I’m assuming it was a completely unprompted remark as in “Hello, Mr. Hasselhoff, great to meet yo–” “I FUCK MY HOT YOUNG GIRLFRIEND CONSTANTLY!” Naturally, after setting that relaxed, humble tone, you’ll want start spouting psychobabble and referring to yourself in the third person:

“When you see David Hasselhoff, you see the truth – that’s one of the reasons I’m still around. People relate to me not as a star, but more as a brother.”

I have three brothers and I don’t know a single thing about their boners, but we never were a close family. Anyway, back to the young girlfriend:

The Hoff met Hayley during first- round auditions for BGT when she asked for his autograph. They have been together ever since and appear ridiculously content. David has proposed and been rejected five times and he says they are in no hurry to marry. “Hayley is great,” he beams. “She has no interest in the fame side of things and when I bought her a hat recently, she took it back saying it was too expensive.

So he constantly begs her to marry him while buying her gifts that she returns for cash. There’s no way that ends badly, but just in case, somebody needs to warn Wendy’s. At some point in the very near future, the driver of a hijacked Absolut truck is going want a triple and there will be no stopping him from smashing through the front door. All we can do now is wait and keep the innocent out of harm’s way.

Photo: AKM-GSI