David Beckham’s 12-Year-Old Is Recording More Uncomfortable Music

In case you missed it last year, Cruz Beckham, 3rd in line for the throne of the house of David and Lady Victoria, released his debut single “If Everyday Was Christmas”. If hearing an autotuned 11-year-old boy sing the following lyrics is your M.O. then you are definitely not invited to my BBQ because are probably a member of NAMBLA:

If every day was Christmas and I can be with you
underneath the mistletoe
kiss you when (where?) nobody knows

Cruz has been picked up by manager Scooter Braun, the same guy who morphed Justin Bieber from Jesus-loving jail bait on YouTube to snot-nosed ingrate who is NEVER to be disturbed while eating ice cream. While Cruz Beckham’s Christmas song was “for charity”, it looks like it was only a primer for Cruz to finally get into the studio and go Abbey Road all over everyone’s punk asses. There is no way in hell 3 million YouTube views’ ad revenue “going to charity” could compare to the tens of thousands of dollars dumped onto some poor producer who was tasked with making a little kid sound like a midi controller.

From PageSix:

A source says of the preteen scion of Brit celebs David and Victoria Beckham: “No sooner than the family arrived back to LA for their summer holiday that their youngest son headed off to work.” Cruz is “hitting the studio this week for his next project . . . He’s getting up and out of the house every day to record.”

When you’re the son of bazillionaires, “getting up out of the house” to do something means you’re driven and committed now? Does Baron do this? When’s his mixtape dropping?

Here’s a little taste of Cruz Beckham’s artistry. I’ll just place it right here next to this pint glass of bleach lemonade…