Of Course Dave Mustaine Thinks Obama Is Staging Every Shooting In America To Steal Your Guns

August 16th, 2012 // 183 Comments
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Metallica is a band comprised of massive egomaniacal assholes, so when someone manages to get kicked out of the band for being too drunk and too much of an asshole, you know they’re an extra special person who has shit figured out. So here’s Dave Mustaine telling an audience in Singapore that Barack Obama staged the deadly Aurora and Sikh Temple shootings because he spends his nights concocting schemes with Dr. Claw to steal your guns. Via TMZ:

“Back in my country, my president … he’s trying to pass a gun ban, so he’s staging all of these murders, like the ‘Fast And Furious’ thing down at the border … Aurora, Colorado, all the people that were killed there … and now the beautiful people at the Sikh temple.”
He continued, “I don’t know where I’m gonna live if America keeps going the way it’s going because it looks like it’s turning into Nazi America.”

This gets a tad TL;DR. Sorry:

Just some background, Dave Mustaine is a moron, so there’s no way he came up with this on his own. He’s parroting an Alex Jones/Infowars “conspiracy theory” that started hours after the Aurora shooting and claimed Obama orchestrated the whole thing so six days later he could sign a treaty with the UN circumventing the 2nd amendment. So, keep in mind, it’s been 28 days since the Aurora shooting and absolutely none of that happened because a. it’s legislatively impossible and b. Alex Jones said it would, so of course it didn’t. And before the crazies jump into the comments saying Dave Mustaine is “speaking the truth” and we should all “wake up,” let me be abundantly clear: No one gives a shit that you have a gun. Your possession of a firearm has not sparked some vast global conspiracy to subjugate you, the gun-toting patriot standing between true liberty and the nigger president, because you are not that important. Which is really the only reason while people cling to these theories and/or religion because their minds can’t comprehend that random shit happens randomly. And as left-leaning as I am, I genuinely feel bad for moderate Republicans who have legitimate issues with Obama’s policies but have to get lumped in with crazy people like Dave Mustaine while their party leaders do absolutely nothing to stamp this shit out even though they couldn’t have stroked out fast enough when the Dixie Chicks merely said they were “disappointed” with George Bush on foreign soil. But back to my main point, random shit happens randomly. Case in point: John Mayer has access to Katy Perry‘s huge breasts right now, and if you really believe in your heart that’s part of some divine architect’s master plan, we might as well light ourselves on fire because we’re at the mercy of a giant prick. That’s a step away from making AIDS airborne just ’cause.

Photo: Getty

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  1. partyboy

    Yes, yes, it’s all random! Governments NEVER plot against or try to control their own people!! When Rome burned, when the Reichstag building burned, why maybe someone just dropped a match, yeah, that’s it. When the Israelis blew the shit out of the USS Liberty, they didn’t see the giant American flag waving. It was an accident!

    JFK, RFK, MLK, all shot by lone nuts!! Yes, lone nuts . Oh don’t these foolish conspiracy kooks know it’s all just a random accident anyway. Even that one single human cell is millions of times more complex than the most complex supercomputer created by man, IT JUST HAPPENED BY CHANCE!! I mean come on, what are the odds?? Listen to your biology teachers.

    Dave has to focus on pussy, drugs and partying, like most rock stars. Come back to us Dave. Mmmmmm, look at Katy Perry’s boobies, that’s living!! Just sit back, drink, smoke, f’ck, and let the government do what it has to do. The founding fathers were white men, WHITE for God sakes!! And I don’t even think they were homos!!

  2. j/k

    I brought up Obama’s record on gun laws (almost nil) to one of these people once. He tried to explain that the President is waiting to be re-elected then he will start to take away the guns.

    • My only hope for people who reason like that is that they manage to lose their way to the polls on election day. Any chance you can scatter a lot of tinfoil and other shiny objects around on November 6?

  3. Glenys

    How come when an American tries to put their views across (Freedom of Speech), he gets blasted. Yes, he’s a dick but he may have a point. We had a major shooting incident in Tasmania, at Port Arthur, (Google it). There are conspiracy theories about that, too. Heavy duty gun laws were brought in soon after the Port Arthur massacre. Just saying, not neccesarily agreeing…

  4. Glenys

    ‘necessarily’, doh.

    • Glenys, the First Amendment means he has the right ot speak without the government censoring him, prosecuting him, or putting him in prison for speaking his mind. That right also extends to everyone else who disagrees with him. Which is why no one has actually been prevented from “trying to put their views across”.

      What the First Amendment does NOT guarantee him is immunity from any blasts from any other member of the public who disagrees with his “view”. It does not mean freedom from criticism, or that everyone else has to sit back and agree with him because no hurt feelings are allowed.

      If he’s being roundly criticized for being a dick but he’s still not in prison or Gitmo for claiming the President conspired to murder people in movie theaters and temples so that he can somehow secretly repeal the 2nd Amendment, then the First Amendment is being upheld – because that’s all it ever guaranteed anyone.

  5. shankyouverymuch

    no way man, no way….. I mean really, no way!!!!

  6. Long time reader

    I’m here ~because~ of Fish’s political barbs, not in spite of them. In fact, I abandoned my once-favorite celebrity gossip page because I hated that author’s right-wing screeds (and his inability to comprehend subject-verb agreement, but that’s another story).

    So, yeah, Fish, keep up the good work. It warms my heart to see the right-wing extremists gnashing their teeth and crying about how freedom of speech only means what Chik-fil-A says it means.

  7. I hate to break it to you people that love to resort to childish name calling instead of researching the topic at hand, Operation Fast and Furious is real, our Government sold automatic weapons to drug dealers and people died because of it, and yes Governments have a history of using patsies to cover their tracks and false flag terrorism to get what they want, look it up in an Encyclopedia or look up the Dictionary definition of terrorism, you’ll be surprised at how much information your trusted television is not telling you. and U.S. Government really does want our guns and our rights, it’s no alien conspiracy theory, it’s happened before in History and it will happen again. if you can’t see where this is going by now then you’re not paying attention or you deserve what’s coming.

  8. roger rabbit

    This article might have gotten some traction. Unfortunately, your “information” about Dave, his addictions, his band, Metallica, is so laughably wrong that people won’t take this seriously. You really should have just got the correct info from Wikipedia, instead of just making it up.

  9. This_is_not_Lars

    Now I know why Metallica kicked you out (even though Metallica sucks and Dave was the superior musician in that group)
    Why, Dave, why? I really liked you and your chilled out way. Now you go and say something that makes you look totally batshit.
    Is your brain mush from the years of loud music, Alcohol, heroin, or too many hallucinogenics? Maybe you looked down the cross one too many times.
    Did you say this to relieve yourself from the guilt of plotting to storm the “Fortress of Metallica” to get even with that little, sniveling, whiny pivot man named Lars? (I’ll admit that Lars’ hair-plugs have almost sent me over the edge) Are you angry over the thousands upon thousands of so called die-hard Megadeth fans that called you Dave “Mustang”? Was it an odd remorse over murdering “The 4 Horsemen” and turning it into a crappy song about automobiles with heavy overtones of sexual innuendo, (or was it about sex with heavy overtones of automobile innuendo) which you named “Mechanics”? ( I know you co-wrote 4 Horsemen and had every right to murder it)
    Maybe you just wanted to get yourself some free press for your upcoming album. But please, for your own good, please shut up. Just shut up. If I want to listen to something stupid come out of your mouth I’ll download “My darkest hour”
    Thanks

    P.S. This is not Lars

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