Eddie Winslow Tried To Boil A Baby, Jesus Christ

“Remember when Urkel stole the spotlight from me? I’m still mad about that.”
“Yeah, we should have killed him in boiling water.”
“Haha, yeah right. Wait. Holy shit, you’re serious, aren’t you?”

Hey guys, how’s your Friday going? Good? Is there a chance you might skip out of work early? Cool, cool. Well that should leave you some extra time to darkly ponder existence alone in your car, because here’s a story about Family Matters star, Darius McCrary, allegedly almost throwing his daughter into a pot of boiling water. Just goddamnit to everything. Via The Wrap:

Darius McCrary, who played Eddie Winslow on the ’90s sitcom “Family Matters,” has been accused of an array of abusive behavior in court documents filed by his wife and obtained by TheWrap.

Among the alleged misdeeds: Throwing a cell phone at Brawner when she was eight months pregnant, and restraining Brawner and their daughter Zoey, born in September 2015, when they attempted to leave.

Brawner also claimed that McCrary spanks Zoey frequently, and during one incident he “held her over a hot stove with fire going and boiling water going. He said to her that ‘he didn’t like her … and that he wish[ed] he didn’t have her.’”

Since having a kid of my own, I’ve admittedly turned into a monumental pussy when it comes to stories about kids getting hurt. There’s a scene in The Young Pope where he drops an infant and I legitimately almost barfed when it happened, so reading about Eddie Winslow being an allegedly awful, violent dick to his wife and kid makes me crazy. Granted, this is all part of a divorce filing, so I’m sure I’m about to hear how much gold his ex is trying to dig by lying about her child’s life being in danger, because you have “several buddies” this has happened to. But just so I have all of the facts straight I’m gonna need someone to find the figures on the residual checks this dude is getting from playing “Principle Cransberry” on Da Jammies. Go ahead, I can wait. I’m building a safe space out of my used tampons over here.

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