Danny Masterson Will Tell You The F*cking Truth About His F*cking Religion, Man

*listens to recording* “Step 2. Press the ‘Play’ button. Congratulations, you are now a DJ. Praise be to Xenu.”

After premiering at Sundance, HBO’s upcoming documentary Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief, based on the extensively researched Lawrence Wright book, has the Church of Scientology pissing itself and resorting to outdated intimidation tactics that no longer work with an online press. But now they’ve gone nuclear by letting That 70s Show star Danny Masterson drop some fucking truth bombs on Paper Magazine because space-shit just got real, Thetan-son.

You’re at Sundance, where Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief is about to premiere.
I heard about that documentary; the documentary where they interviewed eight people who hate Scientology. Should be pretty interesting. I wonder if Sundance would allow a documentary of, like, eight people who hate Judaism. But you know, my religion’s fair game, I guess, ’cause it’s new.

In Danny Masterson’s defense, he’s actually right. Not about the anti-Semitic comparisons, don’t be stupid, but that Scientology gets picked on more because it’s the “new” religion when really all of them are equally as ridiculous and should be made fun of no matter how old they are. Was that a mind-meld? I think Danny Masterson and I just mind-melded (molded?).

When things like this documentary and the book Going Clear come out, does it make your life socially awkward?
I only heard about [the book] recently. I do read, I do go out, but no one had mentioned it to me. When I looked into it, I noticed that he couldn’t publish that book in Canada or the UK because the libel laws are so much stricter than ours. And so when I asked about it, they’re like, “Oh yeah, there’s basically like 200 lies in the book and so in England and in Canada he couldn’t even publish that book.”

I’m going to stop Hyde right there. While it’s true Going Clear couldn’t be published in England, it’s not because it has “200 lies” in it, but because the UK has overly aggressive libel laws that free speech advocates have been fighting against for decades thanks to it providing cover for the Catholic Church’s widespread sexual abuse of children. That old chestnut.

Sounds like you found your own connection with it in your teens.
Yep. Yeah, everybody does. There’s tons of kids I grew up with who were raised Scientologists who now don’t do Scientology but are still totally cool with it, and then there’s lots of people who’re like, “Oh yeah, here, check out this book, it might help your life,” and then all of the sudden they’re like, boom, “Oh my God, I need this, I need this fuckin’ all day long, I want to know all about this.” It’s a religious philosophy, so when I’m sitting there, studying about something, I’m oftentimes sitting next to guys from Nation of Islam and friends who are fully Jewish and other friends who are Catholic and Reverend Alfreddie Johnson, who’s a Baptist minister.

I’m going to stop quoting now because literally every answer is, “Man, you just read this fucking awesome book written by this fucking awesome writer L. Ron Hubbard, and then you have everything figured out. Or you can go fuck yourself. No pressure” What I will do is post this link to Tony Ortega where he does a way better and actually researched rebuttal of Danny Masterson’s answers including the fact that he never even finished his coursework (which he lied about the exorbitant price of) and therefore knows nothing of the infinite space-knowledge that comes from being “clear.” Which also means he can’t levitate. Where’s your Space-Jesus now, Masterson? — Filming Mission: Impossible 5? Wow, I honestly didn’t expect you to have a comeback. Dammit.

Fact-Checking Danny Masterson’s Remarkable Paper Interview About Scientology – Tony Ortega

Photo: Getty