Danielle Staub Sex Tape Stills. Whee.

TMZ has acquired stills from Danielle Staub’s sex tape (above) because at this point, everyone knows that’s the next step in the playbook:

1. Announce there’s a sex tape coming out.
2. Leak stills the next day.
3. Feign embarrassment on an “extra special” episode of your reality show.
4. Cash check from porn company.
5. Never really die because you never had a soul to begin with. *cough*KimandKendra*cough*

As of this post, there’s unfortunately no uncensored versions of these stills, but if you’re honestly clamoring to see a middle-aged Jersey woman’s weird fake tits, just follow Snooki around for a day. I guarantee it’ll be the same experience once you get past the pickle smell and constant droid thievery. “Utinni!”

Photos: TMZ/DanielleStaubRaw.com