Former Miss England 2004 and British glamour model Danielle Lloyd stopped by Mansion night club in Ireland Saturday night where she displayed my two favorite things in the world. She also drank Guinness. (Hi-YO!) Why can’t more American celebrities dress all cleavagey while brandishing a frosty ale? That’s just downright patriotic! You see, kids, after Mel Gibson won the Revolutionary War by stabbing British soldiers with Old Glory, Samuel Adams took his first opportunity as a free man to invent beer so that America would rise up and grasp its greatness like so many tasty nachos:
ELIZABETH ADAMS: I’m with child.
SAM ADAMS: What lamentable news. Calamity not withstanding, you’ve presented an opportunity to test my new elixir. *chugs* Repeat your proclamation, would you, please?
ELIZABETH: I’m with child.
SAM: Curious. I find myself no longer contemplating a perilous ride off a steep precipice. I believe I’ve done it! *chugs* Fetch my quill and parchment!
ELIZABETH: For what purpose, dear?
SAM: I’m stricken with the immediate need to inform my colleague Thomas Jefferson that he prefers the lustful company of men and there exists a distinct possibility he was sired from my loins.
ELIZABETH: My word, Samuel, you’ve soiled yourself.
SAM: So I have. Good show!