Danielle Lloyd appreciates the ancient art of breasts and ale

November 10th, 2008 // 80 Comments

Former Miss England 2004 and British glamour model Danielle Lloyd stopped by Mansion night club in Ireland Saturday night where she displayed my two favorite things in the world. She also drank Guinness. (Hi-YO!) Why can’t more American celebrities dress all cleavagey while brandishing a frosty ale? That’s just downright patriotic! You see, kids, after Mel Gibson won the Revolutionary War by stabbing British soldiers with Old Glory, Samuel Adams took his first opportunity as a free man to invent beer so that America would rise up and grasp its greatness like so many tasty nachos:

ELIZABETH ADAMS: I’m with child.
SAM ADAMS: What lamentable news. Calamity not withstanding, you’ve presented an opportunity to test my new elixir. *chugs* Repeat your proclamation, would you, please?
ELIZABETH: I’m with child.
SAM: Curious. I find myself no longer contemplating a perilous ride off a steep precipice. I believe I’ve done it! *chugs* Fetch my quill and parchment!
ELIZABETH: For what purpose, dear?
SAM: I’m stricken with the immediate need to inform my colleague Thomas Jefferson that he prefers the lustful company of men and there exists a distinct possibility he was sired from my loins.
ELIZABETH: My word, Samuel, you’ve soiled yourself.
SAM: So I have. Good show!

Photos: WENN

  1. Anexio

    Miss England, 2008 something or another, yadda yadda finger in my ass.

    She’s not from England, here’s why…..

    1.) She’s not a darkie, her skin is white. Hello?? Thats your first clue. All hot chicks in England have East Indian genetics, look it up you hindi racist!
    2.) Her boobs are not as big as her head. Note to the homeboys in Compton, chicks from England have really, really big boobs.
    3.) Teeth are somewhat white and have a modicum of straightness. By law, teeth braces are not allowed by law in the entire realm! Queen Elizabeth, trying to comfort her retarded eldest son, outlawed braces in late 1967. Keith Richards signed the proclamation and David St. Hubben’s signed it into law. True story.

  2. RaraAvis

    Are those breasts new? They look painfully tight and as unyielding as Barbie’s. Mine, being natural, are soft and pliant. Think about it…

  3. shawno

    Irish stout or dry stout (in Irish, leann dubh, “black ale”) is very dark or rich in colour and it often has a “toast” or coffee-like taste. The most famous example, Guinness, is from Ireland. Its alcoholic content and “dry” flavour are both characterized as light, although it varies from country to country.

  4. Wondering

    I just want to know where in the world she got this dress! I am OBSESSED and I MUST have it

  5. danielle's crack

    if your asian or black
    you wont get any of her crack
    because she hates the darkies
    so deal with that!

  6. daharia


    as that is what its called!!!

    you wouldn’t ask for a spirit without classifying if its vodka/gin/rum or not would you?!

    Guinness = Stout. the end.

  7. Wondering

    I need to know where to find this dress! I am OBSESSED and I MUST have it!!!!

  8. daharia

    yes its a very good dress

  9. Atrides

    Way to kill a clever dialogue with a poop joke

  10. Ted from LA

    When I look at that dress and her breasts hanging out from it, I have to ask myself, “inside job?”

  11. ali

    to end it once and for all. Guinness is both an ale and a stout. an ale can be a stout, but it isn’t always.

    Guiness=stout=ale. So don’t get picky if Fish wrote ale, since it is.

    also i find this girl oddly attractive and yet highly repulsive at the same time.

  12. boo

    ugly as a mayonnaise potato

  13. billabong021

    That girl’s damn hot and any guy who says otherwise should go back to fagglerock.

  14. Roxy

    Sam Adams didn’t invent beer!
    Beer itself originated in the area around Egypt and Mesopotamia, dating as far back as the BC’s. Celtic and Germanic tribes spread it throughout Europe, and ultimately German immigrants brought it to the American midwest (ever wondered about all those German-sounding brand names and cities in the Midwest?)
    Fun fact.
    Back to the other fun stuff— Gossip!!

  15. Alex

    All these celebs look exactly the same. I miss the time before plastic surgery became such an every day thing – when people were so much more authentic.

  16. Érico

    She barely passes my currently low standards, but I’d do her just to show her how life can be good. And I’d have some Guiness as well.

  17. Scot

    Hey numb nuts, Guiness is a stout, not an ale.

  18. Maureen O'Connor

    Guinnesss is porter, not ale.

  19. The cheap look is “HOT” again in america, folks?

  20. kraklin

    does any one know where she got that dress?

    or who made it?

  21. Stop being such an oxygen thief and do us all a favour!

  22. Carson

    I love it when chicks drink pints, just shows that they are not as precious as they look.

  23. The real fist

    Who is this The Real First? Ol fat mama? Ugly as bucket? More info pls before you continua.

  24. karma

    sssssssexy sexy … and damn that’s a killer dress. looks like one of kira plastinina’s but a lil better. cheers beer girl!

  25. Miro

    Guinness isn’t ale, dipshit.

  26. Nixie

    she totally looks like a Lisa Marie Presley / Drew Barrymore hybrid. with WAY too much self tanner.

  27. Satan

    I’d give my left arm for a flick of her and Lanny Barbie doing lesbian porn. They’re practically twins.

  28. Isaac

    Guinnes is not an ale, but that’s been covered. I can’t believe nobody has mentioned that she’s taking a sip of it before its settled. That’s REALLY pathetic. Somebody needed to tell her to wait until it turns black.

  29. shaz

    Shes an air head the guy with her looks cute, is that her latest fling? prob so i know she gets around!!!!

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