Danielle Staub: ‘Ooh, Ooh! I Tried To Commit Suicide, Too! Look at Me!’

August 18th, 2011 // 52 Comments

Thanks to Russell Armstrong hanging himself on account of Taylor pissing through all their money and/or secret gayness (Have you heard about the secret gayness? There’s secret gayness now.) the media started speculating that this could lead to more reality show suicides, so naturally former Real Housewives of New Jersey star Danielle Staub immediately leapt at the chance to shove her contorted snake face into the press, and like a moron, I’m rewarding her. Entertainment Tonight reports:

“I was very close to taking my own life — not just on one occasion — it’s been several times,” Staub told ET in an exclusive interview. She added: “And what always saved me was the thought of my children living with that for the rest of their lives. I didn’t want them to have that memory of me. I wanted them to remember me — even if I’m going through my struggles — alive.”
Fighting back tears, Staub said she understands the deep dark places that must have led to the suicide of Taylor Armstrong’s estranged husband — both of whom were featured on Bravo’s The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. “I don’t have words to describe how alone you feel. And everybody’s coming at you, and judging you, and they don’t even know you.”
She said there are countless examples of families that have been torn apart after exposing their lives on reality programs. “It’s really hard to talk to people who are not in our genre about what really goes on when the lights go down.”

No, actually, it’s really not.

“Hey, how was your day?”
“Oh, you know, I manufactured a bunch of drama then acted like a vindictive cunt while living entirely off money I didn’t have to work a single minute for.”

BOOM. Simple as that. Now, who wants cannolis? (I’m assuming everyone in New Jersey is Italian and eats cannolis.)

Photo: Fame, Splash News, WENN


  1. Hugh Gentry

    if she did it, nobody would care.

  2. Cock Dr

    “It’s really hard to talk to people who are not in our genre”
    Hmm, what genre is THAT? The “mutiliated by multiple cosmetic surgeries famewhores” genre?

  3. Michelle

    You know you are a true failure when you can’t even kill yourself.

    • Jillia

      “Attempted” suicides are usually just cries for attention anyway. If you really, really wanted to off yourself, trust me you’d find a way and succeed.

  4. RoboZombie

    Looking at this ugly cunt’s face makes ME want to commit suicide!

  5. mel

    she looks like she could make even her toilet gag.

  6. Tom

    Is she related to Voldemort?

  7. Lynx

    I’m kinda ashamed of jerking off to her sex video… actually I take that back, I’m not.

    • mel

      don’t feel too bad about it. i spit one out the other day after finding a corn-wagon shot of that fugitive cunt, lee grace dougherty! she’s ugly, but i do like looking at corn-wagons!

  8. Gerbil in my Butt

    “It’s really hard to talk to people who are not in our genre.” LMFAO! Famewhore bitch. Lemme lend you a nice stout rope!

  9. I don’t understand attempted suicide… it’s bullshit. I’ve had enough friends and family off themselves, which tells me that if you really want out bad enough, you’ll finish the job. Anything else is a cry for help or (what really pisses me off) in cases like this, a low, pathetic attempt to stay in the public eye so you’ll never have to actually work for a living.

    The ultimate difference here is that no one was rooting for the people I knew to kill themselves.

    • Someone needs to take her on a trip to Aruba.

    • kcarroll26

      I knew it was only a matter of time before she’d find a way to weasel her name into this story. Her 15 minutes are long over and she needs to seriously disappear. She isn’t worth the 2 mins it’s taking me to type this comment.

      On an unrelated note, thanks for the news flash about the secret gayness, Fish! I knew that dude was a little light in the loafers. Creepster!

  10. JC

    Here’s a thought: If reality television is such a never-ending horror that’s apparently only equivalent to being a refugee from a civil war, then maybe don’t do reality television. Twatwaffles.

  11. Vivian

    You gotta love show business, they put all this sh…t out so our own lives seem so much better.

  12. rican

    I long for the day that morons find an alternative to “deserving”, and then trying to extend, their 15 minutes.

  13. Anne

    OMG is this GARBAGE a true piece of sh%t , or what?

  14. Rough bringing back the classics

    So anything that is current, she had experienced or tried? Mary Heart could’ve never reported this with a straight face. She would’ve lost her cool, calm and forever happy demeanor. She retired just in time.

  15. Facebook Me

    Isn’t she stripping somewhere? I guess she is not cutting at that career move either, so back to being a famewhore.

    Nasty old looking cunt.

  16. Stefanie.

    That picture screams ” look at me. I’m such an attention whore!”

  17. forrest gump

    please look at he(his) hands.

  18. Ummmm

    “genre”? Really? Like hip-hop, rock, or jazz? That type of genre? Or maybe this Halloween-mask-looking hag is using the wrong word…No that can’t be it.

  19. Danielle Staub Real Housewives Russell Armstrong Suicide
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d bang her till her eyes straightened out.

  20. aristotrash

    How dare she blame her children for keeping her alive. If she snuffed herself, think of all they could earn from exclusive interviews. She’s only thinking of herself here.

  21. Crabby Old Guy

    And, sadly, the only fatality was her self-esteem. But, since it was life support anyway, it didn’t take much to finish it off. Still no word on how many clocks and mirrors her face has killed.

  22. puddleduck

    well, whaddya know, she’s a failure at this too

  23. Drew Peacock

    If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

    The kids would be much better off without her.

  24. Aggie

    What’s that saying from first grade? “If at first you don’t succeed try, try again”.

  25. TomFrank

    What are these lollipop-looking objects that seemingly everyone’s holding in photo shoots now? (And by everyone, I mean her, the Situation, and maybe someone else.)

  26. BlooBloo

    Danielle who?

  27. Dick Douche, Private Eye

    The proper term is GANNOUL

  28. Koko

    If first you don’t succeed,,,,

  29. yomomma

    a face only a motherfucker could love

  30. Harry

    I, too tried to kill myself……..after poking my eyes out from seeing that sex tape….I would rather put my junk in a meat grinder than in her…pass the noose…..

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