Following the news that Daniel Craig would be in
Daniel Craig is bad Bond
March 20th, 2006 // 60 Comments
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Derek Hail | March 20, 2006 at 4:21 pm
You left out the fact, he is doing all this without his two front teeth.
xaputa | March 20, 2006 at 4:25 pm
“Barbra Broccoli”? “Barbra Broccoli”???!!!!
OMFG ROTFLMAOLOLOLllOL!!!!!!!!11!1!11
oh, and Carig sucks
(“Barbra Broccoli” is great though)
prideofchucky | March 20, 2006 at 4:28 pm
Bland, James Bland..
ESQ | March 20, 2006 at 4:42 pm
Seriously, I guess we will not be seeing no “shaken, but stirred martinis” here. You hit it right this imbecile needs to compensate for his lack of looks, lack of driving abilities and probably lack of acting.
I think porn should be his next option..at least you do not need to know how to drive or really act for that matter.
Lala | March 20, 2006 at 4:54 pm
Hey, I’m more than okay with it.
sometimesboy | March 20, 2006 at 4:56 pm
the sad news…the next bond will have to do anal…
naus | March 20, 2006 at 4:56 pm
They should end this masquerade and just hire Clive Owen for the 007 spot, and get Daniel Craig to be some villain.
el dano | March 20, 2006 at 4:58 pm
He was great in Layer Cake when he was a laid back coke dealer. I was excited to hear that he was going to be the next bond, until we got news of the “real” Daniel Craig. A guy who can’t drive stick and wusses out after getting punched in the face is a terrible choice for Bond. They need to get some PR guys on him quick.
The whole Bond franchise has already been run into the ground, but this is pathetic. What the hell are they trying to accomplish? Making him more attratctive to female viewers is the opposite of what they need to do. He needs to be a man’s man.
Sean Connery made James Bond the English equivalent of John Wayne. Daniel Craig is the British equivalent of Macaulay Culkin.
InsomniActress | March 20, 2006 at 5:05 pm
Intruiging weapon of choice, I’d say.
Kevin | March 20, 2006 at 5:18 pm
Maybe his “man dangle” is really one of Q’s secret weapons and shoots lasers or something.
Jacq | March 20, 2006 at 5:20 pm
I would be willing to bet that, if there is in fact any full frontal, we’ll see it here first. Then, we can save our heard-earned pennies and the pain of watching the entire film.
James Bland? He seems more like Pussy Galore to me.
giant sloth | March 20, 2006 at 5:21 pm
As I have had pointed out to me, a Shirley Temple is virgin by definition.
cibby | March 20, 2006 at 5:36 pm
And so begins the transition of James Bond from spy movies to hardcore pornography…
Binky | March 20, 2006 at 5:54 pm
UUgGGG !
I think this franchise is headed in the wrong direction fast and DOA. How about ‘plot’ or ‘character development’ or ‘relevance to today’s society’?
{I actually saw Cubby one year, ages ago, in Cannes. He seemed ok, somewhat sane, and he said ‘Hey Binky – How goes it ?’ – which really surprised me as the internet hadn’t been invented yet. well…I thought that’s what he said}
It’s been done. If I want porn… I’ll… like – WAKE UP !!!
Jayne | March 20, 2006 at 5:57 pm
hottttt <3
Spindoc | March 20, 2006 at 6:03 pm
Nice to know that Mark Whalbergs fake Schlong from boogie nights is still getting acting work.
Feed_Me_Chocolate | March 20, 2006 at 6:04 pm
#3, how ’bout:
Schlong. James Schlong.
Really, does anyone want to see his thingamajigger? What’s with Hollywood trying to get full male frontal nudity into non-porn films? I love my husband’s member, but let’s face it, GUYS PENISES ARE REALLY FUNNY TO LOOK AT.
Mugato | March 20, 2006 at 6:28 pm
Is everyone ignoring the fact that there’s no way they would make an R rated Bond movie, therefore everyone involved is just talking out of their ass?
MrPloppy | March 20, 2006 at 6:50 pm
Mugato is right. There is no way we are going to see Bonds dick in a family film. They haven
toby | March 20, 2006 at 7:12 pm
Nice to see where men get their class these days.
ILovePapaSmurf | March 20, 2006 at 7:15 pm
Well, I at least know NOW that my 10 bucks will not be going to waste…
newbondsux | March 20, 2006 at 7:18 pm
Actually #19, breasts made an appearance in “The Living Daylights” when the last disgrace to the Bond name used a topless woman as a human shield to surprise a bad guy. That doesn’t change the fact that they’re not gonna show you Bond’s winkie, and doesn’t change the fact that this Bond “Reboot” is a boot in the ass to real Bond fans.
dwhmnsa | March 20, 2006 at 7:34 pm
I’m no Bond expert, but we need to remember that the movie they’re apparently making is Casino Royale, which was the first James Bond book ever written. In this book Bond isn’t sure he wants to keep being a spy, and is adjusting to a life of espionage. I’m not saying that this means it will automatically be good or anything, but that could be one reason why he isn’t all snazzed up, driving the car, and spouting the catch-phrases, because it’s early in his career. Also, in terms of Craig’s “man dangle”, the novel Casino Royale had Bond get captured and undergo graphic genital torture at the hands of a villain called “Le Chiffre”. Maybe this sounds lame to you guys, but I think its an interesting idea to go back to the roots. I’ll be honest, I haven’t enjoyed the last few gadget-crazy Bond flicks I’ve seen anyways. Remember, Ian Fleming, the creator of Bond, wrote Casino Royale. He wrote the cock dangle scene, he wrote the unsure-of-himself Bond. Maybe it’ll be cool.
dwhmnsa | March 20, 2006 at 7:36 pm
and Clive Owen is way too caveman to be Bond anyways.
newbondsux | March 20, 2006 at 7:44 pm
Clive Owen??? I love that “when I fall in love” duet he did with Celine Dion, but I don’t think he can cut it as a Bond…
krisdylee | March 20, 2006 at 7:49 pm
I know there’s a “cobblers” joke somehow, but damn my wine infused brain, I just can’t think of any right now….. Happy Birthday to Me
Binky | March 20, 2006 at 7:59 pm
I don’t know what the ‘f’ ‘cobblers’ is but – pass the wine #26
bunnyhugger | March 20, 2006 at 7:59 pm
dwhmnsa, you make an excellent point. i never read the books, don’t remember all the movies (although i remember being dragged to the drive-in w/ my folks). however,
WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY??
somebody give me a frame of reference!
and even tho the last few bond films sucked, i thought pierce brosnan at least had the class to carry it off.
sorry, sean connery is the man. more so now than ever (pant-pant)
almost forgot. without the car and the tux, bond becomes magnum on valium.
Binky | March 20, 2006 at 8:00 pm
And Happy birthday!
krisdylee | March 20, 2006 at 8:08 pm
Thanks, Binky. I am enjoying a really nice reisling my hubby bought for me…. cheers to you, and cobblers is some crazy british term that means bollocks, or so I’ve been told. (And this is what his daddy said when this guy was accused of being wimpy!!) I dunno. It’s all fun to read though. Woohoo!!!! Damn, this is good wine.
MeganHarris | March 20, 2006 at 8:11 pm
Today was a YELLOW day at TheSuperficial.com
On the index page we have:
Natalie Portman wearing a tacky yellow thing.
Juliette Lewis wearing a yellow banana suit.
Daniel Craig in front of a yellow backround.
Nicole Richie with a cute yellow Tweedy bird in backround.
On purpose?
bunnyhugger | March 20, 2006 at 8:18 pm
#30 krisdylee
happy birthday! my daughter was yesterday. enjoy your wine, i toast you with the Captian!! : )
LoneWolf | March 20, 2006 at 8:41 pm
#30, that was me. I was hoping that someone would ask what bollocks are, but they never did .
Maybe they can come up with a new name for the movie based on the full-frontal scene:
Dr. No (I Did *Not* See That)
Thunderballs
The Man With the Golden Schvantz
Never Say Nudity Again
Golden One-Eye
You Only See It Once
This Worm Is Not Enough
From Craig With Nausea
Oh, and Happy B-day.
krisdylee | March 20, 2006 at 8:59 pm
How about octowussy?
Binky | March 20, 2006 at 9:36 pm
#33 lol
(and here I am stuck with home brew. e-mail some Young’s and London Pride.)
SpiderMomma | March 20, 2006 at 9:43 pm
He would be better off doing gay porn. There we go, a Brokeback version of James Bond. Yeah…that’s the ticket. Does this seem pathetic to anyone else? I admit I am not a fan of Bond, but sheesh! At least get an actor that actually has some balls!
SpiderMomma | March 20, 2006 at 9:44 pm
He would be better off doing gay porn. There we go, a Brokeback version of James Bond. Yeah…that’s the ticket. Does this seem pathetic to anyone else? I admit I am not a fan of Bond, but sheesh! At least get an actor that actually has some balls!
Pez_D_Spencer | March 20, 2006 at 10:40 pm
2 – You’ll love her dad: Albert “Cubby” Broccoli.
popsi_zen | March 20, 2006 at 11:52 pm
You know all this controversy is probably going to make this the highest grossing Bond film in years, and you know what that means, they will just keep remaking them all with this guy as Bond – they could use #33′s list of reworked titles.
Lord Absu | March 21, 2006 at 12:18 am
A view to a kill, indeed… ginormously emblazoned on the silver screen in all its unholy glory… yuck. >.<
hafaball | March 21, 2006 at 3:28 am
If there was any glimmer of hope for me to see this movie…it all died by the mention of his weewee. If Bond dies now, I will be sad, though I’m sure Sean Connery will be quite mad. For Craig and co. has ruined this film, and Bond forever in no time still. Quoth the Raven, nevermore bitch
bafongu | March 21, 2006 at 7:41 am
If, as it looks, they plan on featuring his tool, is the movie going to get a “X” rating? And if all the hype is now about featuring his tool, instead of the maximum coolness of the character, do I really want to be in an audience of men envisioning an evening of bone smoking with ol Danny boy? Lights go down in the theater and all the boys start puffin? Geeeeezzzz……
prideofchucky | March 21, 2006 at 11:06 am
1. #17-(feed me chocolate): That’s brilliant! (How did I miss that one?)BUT—
FYI if u plan to say “Penises are funny to look at” while looking at ur husbands winkie check over your life insurance policy carefully…
2.#41 Hafaball- Connery wanted bond dead ALOOONGG time ago. He’d be the 1st one to dance on the grave of this tired franchise.
LoneWolf | March 21, 2006 at 11:20 am
And, if I may add one more:
Penis-o Royale
I’m finished.
Sassy | March 21, 2006 at 11:32 am
Casino Royale was a legendary flop the first time they made it. The guy who played Bond in it never worked again.
You’d think a lesson would have been learned.
Spindoc | March 21, 2006 at 12:16 pm
In the 1967 Version of Casino royal James Bond was played by Peter Sellers, actually he did work again, but you’re right, the movie sucked.
I’m curious if this one will suck as bad as the HUGE suck-fest Bond movies from the past. My votes for worst go to View to a Kill, The one with Halle Berry in it, Moonraker, and Licence to Kill. I’d rather go to a Kevin Federline concert than sit through any of those again.
PG Barnum | March 21, 2006 at 12:36 pm
Not to defend the film, producers or actors, but the character of James Bond WILL drive an Aston Martin in “Casino Royale”. Just mentioning this again, because it was removed this morning. I love this blog, please let me at least put my two cents in! Thanks!
Swordman | March 21, 2006 at 12:46 pm
SURPRISE! My fists make housecalls, you flaming simp!
newbondsux | March 21, 2006 at 1:11 pm
OMG! I love this site, but it is infotainment, people…do your freakin homework. Casino Royale was a spoof. It starred David Niven as James Bond, Woody Allen as Jimmy Bond, Ursula Andress as Vesper Lynd. Also Orson Welles, Joanna Pettet, Deborah Kerr, William Holden, Charles Boyer, John Huston, George Raft, and Jacqueline Bisset
All of those people “worked again”, nimrod…
the point is that emasculating Bond now, or turning him into a Visual Marketing rep for Ford is ugly business.
gogoboots | March 21, 2006 at 1:39 pm
I’m not sure why Daniel Craig keeps on coming up on here, but I would really prefer to see something else. Like maybe a Linday Lohan OD or something…