Daniel Day-Lewis Is Quitting Acting Because Everyone Else Sucks

Often times we get so caught up in the cavalcade of wannabe talent swirling about the Hollywood toilet bowl that we let true gems slip between the cracks. Daniel Day-Lewis’ retirement should be a reminder to us all that we don’t follow Hollywood gossip to see whose nipples fell out at Catch last weekend or how many models Orlando Bloom can kabob on his ‘bloomstick’, it’s about getting closer to true storytellers and finding out what makes them tick. Storytelling is the basis of all human communication and storytellers like Daniel Day-Lewis are what keep us coming back.

Jeez, listen to me. Wallowing about this as if he just died… he didn’t die… in fact, he’s got one more (untitled) Paul Thomas Anderson movie coming out this Christmas which I guarantee will be dwarfed in the box office by whatever laser-light show Disney has this go-round, but critics will surely love it.

There may be some hope, though… check out this statement from Variety:

“Daniel Day-Lewis will no longer be working as an actor. He is immensely grateful to all of his collaborators and audiences over the many years. This is a private decision and neither he nor his representatives will make any further comment on this subject. ”


Does anyone else feel like the austerity in this announcement is thick enough to cut with a sickle and hammer? Thus leading me to believe he’s actually pulling some long-con method research for a role in the KGB? Does anybody have eyes on Joaquin Phoenix and Casey Affleck throughout all of this? Please don’t leave us DDL, Leo is such a douchebag these days…