Daniel Craig Is Bond Again Because Money

James Bond producer and minister of Dark Arts Barbara Broccoli has nailed down Daniel Craig for another Bond movie, in hopes to begin filming next year. This comes after Craig vowed that Spectre would be his final contribution to the progressively more culturally irrelevant franchise. Broccoli is also parading her “talks” with Adele as some sort of indicator that they’re going to pull a decent movie out of their ass this time (they won’t).

You may recall that Tom Hiddleston was rumored to take over the franchise about a year ago before producers found out Taylor Swift made him sleep in a kennel. Then they continued to leak the living daylights out of other rumored replacements to try and get Craig to get all jelly like a prom queen. From Mirror:

The Wire star Idris Elba, Peaky Blinders’ Tom Hardy, Happy Valley villain James Norton and Poldark’s Aidan Turner were all contenders. But Bond producer Barbara Broccoli is said to have secured Craig – and we can reveal she is “determined” that superstar singer Adele will record the theme tune.

A source involved in the project said: “Craig and Adele together are the winning team, the ultimate choice, the money spinners. It’s taken time but Daniel has come round and the strong consensus in the Bond offices is that Mr Craig is 007 again.”

Skyfall was the biggest Bond film of all time ($1.1 billion) because it mostly worked as a standalone movie and had some interesting story elements (mostly with M’s backstory). With this new movie, I’m going to expect more of the same plot line grocery list as Spectre, which created this trendy ‘Bond-verse’ thing where all the movies are suddenly tied together because fuck tradition, it’s all about creating the story’s universe now. I don’t know exactly how much it took to convince Craig to return, but I have a feeling it was enough to buy himself a private island… made of cocaine.